A Study in Alchemy
by SylvanDaggers
Summary: Edward Elric would never become a teacher– never mind teach at a school for magic of all things. So how did he end up at Hogwarts? With a pair of mischievous twins, a murderer on the loose, and an alchemy class to teach, will the Fullmetal Alchemist be able to survive his year at Hogwarts?
1. How to Bribe an Elric

a/n: After seeing so many amazing Harry Potter and FMA crossovers, I decided to try my hand at one. The story follows the Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood/manga timeline. Most of the perspective is Ed-centric. (Rated T just to be safe).

Oh, right, I do not _officially_ own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist, unless you count buying all of the movies/books/manga as owning it. My greatest thanks go out to J.K. Rowling and Hiromu Arakawa who created these two amazing worlds, and also to my friend Blake. I was going to have him read over this first, but he was diagnosed with cancer, so this story goes out to him.

Anyway, I really hope you guys like this, as it contains many of the things I would want to see if Ed ever did really come across Hogwarts.

* * *

 **Chapter 1: How to Bribe an Elric**

"The hell is this, Mustang?! Transfer orders? The war's finally over!" Edward yelled as he kicked down the door and came storming into Roy's office a month after Father's defeat. Roy stayed relaxed, feet up on his desk, as Fullmetal slammed the papers Mustang had sent him onto the wooden surface with a harsh bang.

"Fullmetal," Roy started. "Sit down and we can talk about this."

"No way am I leaving now!" The blond Alchemist interrupted before he could go any further, "Al's finally back!"

"Are you volunteering to be a paper pusher, Fullmetal? There are plenty of documents that need looked over and organized."

This shut the short-tempered young man's mouth as surely as if someone had taped it closed. He muttered something about "Hot-headed–" that Roy didn't catch, but the blond sat down.

"I don't see why I can't keep helping with the restoration efforts." Ed grumbled, his stubborn streak refusing to be beaten down as he crossed his arms and legs in front of him.

"You know as well as I do, Fullmetal, that there isn't much work left to do with all the help they've been getting from a certain golden-haired duo that were _supposed_ to be taking it easy instead of working over-time." The short glare the flame alchemist sent at Ed was easily met by those dominating golden eyes. "A request from a foreign country has come in asking for an alchemist to–"

Roy got no further, as Ed abruptly shot out his seat again. "Foreign country!" He spluttered. "Why should I go help some other country? I'm in the _Amestrian_ military, remember?"

"I know that, but the higher-ups thought it would be good to start reaching out to other countries as allies. We're not exactly at full strength right now, if you hadn't noticed, Fullmetal. What would happen if one of our neighbors decided to invade?" Roy placated, gesturing at the regional map on the wall behind him.

"General Armstrong would never let anyone past Briggs." The elder Elric objected. "Drachma–"

"Isn't stupid enough to try anything…yet, but what about the nations south of us? We know Xing won't attack, but they can't exactly come help if a war breaks out– there's a desert in the way."

"Yeah, but–" Whatever Edward would have said next was stopped by the sound of a gun being cocked.

"Stop arguing and let the Colonel explain the details, Edward." The voice of Riza Hawkeye came floating over from the adjacent room, causing the defiant light in the state-alchemists' eyes to die. Both men shivered unconsciously before continuing with the conversation in a decidedly more productive and polite manner.

Riza took a sip from her cup of coffee and smiled as if enjoying the flavor, and if any of Team Mustang noticed how her other hand was still hovering over the loaded gun sitting on her desk, no one said a word.

"Alright, so _maybe_ it's a good idea to investigate other countries," Ed conceded. "But why would you send me? I'm not exactly fond of the 'diplomatic' approach."

"You can at least act friendly, can't you? Don't answer that." Roy quickly added, seeing the young alchemist about to interject with most likely another objection. "The requested job requires both a wide spectrum of alchemic knowledge and combat expertise. Believe me, I would _love_ to send someone else, but as far as state alchemists go, you're the one that fits the bill."

"Combat expertise?" Ed raised an eyebrow. "What do they want me for? Don't tell me I'm supposed to join So-in-so's military."

"You know our military wouldn't let you go that easily. No, apparently, a convicted murderer is on the loose, and the request asked for someone who could provide extra security."

"You're kidding me." Ed deadpanned. When he realized Mustang was serious, he wasn't too happy. "Why do I always get saddled with the psycho killers? What's in it for me if I take this?"

Roy was silent. The Flame alchemist let his gaze wander up and down his subordinate, determining how far he would have to go. "A two week vacation when you get back."

Ed cocked an eyebrow. "Two weeks?" He waved the words away. "I could get that on my own easily enough. Besides, I don't know if I could sit still that long."

"No annual assessment while you're away." Roy tried.

"I would be in a _foreign country._ " The young alchemist laughed at Mustang's attempt to bribe him. "I doubt the higher-ups will make me take it anyway."

Roy intertwined his fingers, resting his chin against his hands. He had one last card. "You are researching chimera reversal, correct?"

"Yeah…" Ed narrowed his eyes with suspicion. Would Mustang bribe or threaten him?

"…They have offered to give you access to the largest library in their country."

~o(0)o~

That was how, two months later, Edward Elric– State Alchemist, Hero of the People– ended up on a train traveling further and further away from the country he knew so well and closer towards one he could hardly guess at its contents. Ed's old suitcase sat on the seat beside him, but even the familiar leather seemed different this time.

 _I wish Al could have come._ He thought glumly as he stared at the rapidly moving countryside beyond the train. _Traveling isn't nearly as fun without him._ Still, Edward understood why his brother hadn't come along; the younger Elric was still recovering from his ordeal coming back from the Gate, and he could barely manage to move around the house by himself– much less travel around the world for a military he didn't belong to!

He looked down at the letter held in his gloved hand, his gaze sweeping over the fancy writing in the now-familiar language he had already read a thousand-and-one times, as if it would suddenly change into something different. _Hopefully less insane,_ The golden-haired alchemist thought absently. Even if it did, there was nothing he could do about it now: he was already on his way to meet one Albus Dumbledore of Hogwarts School ( _absurd name_ ) of Witchcraft and Wizardry ( _like he believed that_ ) to comply to his request for an…alchemy teacher.

* * *

a/n: Tune in next time to see Ed accidentally knock out Dumbledore and consequently be forced to impersonate him for the rest of the Harry Potter series!...Just kidding. Though now that I think about it, that wouldn't make for a bad story...


	2. How to Ride the Knight Bus

a/n: Thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad to know that people are liking it so far. Several people have already asked about Ed's situation: does he have alchemy? Does he still have his automail? The answer to both is "Yes." This means the whole Promised Day showdown went a little differently than it did in the anime or manga. Here's the gist of it:

1) After Father released the huge blast that destroyed Al's armor, Al's blood seal was too damaged and his soul went back to the gate before he could exchange it for Ed's arm. This means Ed would still have his automail. When Ed saw that Al was gone, he was given the motivation to pull the metal screw out of his arm and start beating up Father (just like in the manga).

2) When Father was defeated, where did all of the souls go? Sure, the people of Amestris got their souls back, and the majority of the souls from Xerxes were used up, but what about the ones Father soaked up from Greed at the last minute? Presumably, they all went to the gate– having nothing left to contain them. In _A Study in Alchemy_ , when Ed tries to exchange his Gate for Al, the extra souls are used instead as payment. Naturally, Ed would object to this, but this is the first time the souls actually have a choice whether or not to help someone and Ed really can't stop them. Thus, Ed and Al come back from the Gate without loosing anything else to Truth.

Tada! Ed has his alchemy and his automail! Hopefully that answered any questions you might have had, so please enjoy the next part of _A Study in Alchemy_.

* * *

 **Chapter 2: How to Ride the Knight Bus**

 _You idiot!_ Harry scolded himself as he ran down the street lugging his hastily-packed suitcase behind him. _They're definitely going to expel me for this!_

In his head, the young wizard could still hear the angry shouts of his uncle as Aunt Marge floated up into the night sky. What was going to happen now? What was he supposed to do? It wasn't as if he could ask Ron or Hermione for advice, seeing as they were out of the country. He couldn't even contact people since Hedwig hadn't come back!

A panic-driven plan began forming in his head. _I'll bewitch my trunk to float behind me and then use the invisibility cloak to hide while I use my broom to fly to London! Then I can get some of my money from Gringotts and…begin my life as an outcast. Never mind, that's a horrible idea._

Harry knew he had to go soon (he didn't want to be cornered by muggle police asking why he was carrying spell books and a broom in the dead of night), but for the life of him, he couldn't figure out a logical plan or even a good direction to start walking. Before he could go anywhere, however, a strange tingling at the base of his neck made him stand up straight and look around. It had felt like he was being watched, but he could see no one in the empty street or in any of the darkened houses. Just as Harry was about to brush it off as nothing, he heard it– or rather, sensed it: there was something standing in the narrow alleyway behind him.

The underage wizard whirled around to peer into the inky black between the garage and adjacent house, but was unable to see if there was indeed anything there.

 _If only it would move,_ Harry thought, _then I could know if it's just a stray cat…or something else._

" _Lumos_." The spell came out of Harry's lips in a nervous whisper, illuminating the narrow space and nearly blinding him with the sudden light…and now Harry wished he hadn't looked into the alleyway. In between the house and garage stood the hulking outline of a large creature, wide eyes glimmering in the spell's radiance.

Harry stumbled backward, the attempt to get away ending as quickly as it had begun as his feet caught on the trunk behind him and he was sent sprawling backwards. He flung out his wand hand in an attempt to catch himself before landing hard in the gutter–

BANG! The loud sound accompanied by a bright light had Harry throwing up his other arm to shield his eyes from the second sudden source of light that evening.

~o)0(o~

Harry eventually managed to pull himself into a standing position after the Knight Bus decreased its manic driving from, 'holy-crap-this-thing's-going-to-fall-apart' to 'grip-don't-fail-me-now'. How anyone could actually sleep during all of this, Harry had no idea, but the tiny wizard in the back seemed to be managing.

After a few minutes, Stan disappeared upstairs only to come down a few seconds later accompanied by a witch in a green traveling cloak.

" 'Ere you go, Madam Marsh." Stan said happily a moment before Ern slammed on the brakes. Harry was flung forward and frantically tried to avoid being run over by the beds sent sliding around by the sudden stop. Stan and Madam Marsh seemed unaffected by any of this and simply made their way to the door.

 _How…?_ Harry had hardly gotten the thought out when a voice from up above seemed to empathize with his confusion.

"Vo is driving zis sing?!" The accented voice complained from the staircase. Harry turned around to see who was coming down. "How ze heck do you expect any ov us to survive to our destination?!"

Harry blinked in surprise as a peculiarly dressed teen stumbled down the stairs from the second floor of the bus. A crimson coat sat over a black jacket trimmed with white that lead down to his tight-fitting black leather pants. Thick-soled combat boots stomped through the maze of scattered mattresses, while white gloves pushed away the brass bed frames that got in his way, the young man glaring at them as if they had personally insulted him.

"Where are you heading?" Harry asked the young man; partially to actually find out, but mostly to distract him from Stan and Ern. Sure, he was annoyed at the Knight Bus employees himself, but this guy looked like he had a bone to pick.

"Vat?" Brilliant golden eyes gazed out from behind bangs of the same stunning hue, making the runaway student wondered absently if the foreigner had dyed his hair or put in color-changing contacts. The guy looked surprised to see Harry standing there.

"You're not riding this death trap for kicks, right?" Harry prompted again. "Where are you heading?" Mentally, Harry wondered at the teen's identity. _He's certainly old enough to be going to Hogwarts, but I've never seen him at school before– not that I know all of the students. Still,_ Harry reasoned, _I think I would have remembered anyone that dressed like this kid._

"Nien." The blond confirmed with a vigorous shake of the head. "I vas supposed to be runnink a few errands bevore grabbink a wand vrom some shop." Here he threw up his hands in mock defeat. " ' _Nein, don't take ze train_ ,' zey said, ' _Vere is zis bus zat can get you zere much vaster and save you time_ ' zey said!"

The strange man gave Harry an exasperated glance mid-rant. "Nein, nein, nein– zey vorgot to mention zat zis 'bus' is hell on veels!"

"Well," Harry said, a little taken aback by the forceful personality the kid exuded in waves. "I wasn't expecting to nearly get run over by a bed when I got on board, so I can agree with you there…?"

"Ah," The charismatic blond seemed to catch on to what Harry was asking. "Zee name's Edvard, Edvard Elric; you can call me Ed. And you?"

~o(0)o~

"And you?" Ed held out his hand– the left one, seeing as he had no reason to reveal his automail to a stranger. The black-haired young man took it after a moment's hesitation.

"Neville." He answered. "Neville Longbottom."

The alchemist cocked his head, staring at 'Neville'. "Nein…" He said casually. "I do not sink it is."

Ed retracted his hand but continued to study the young man's face, taking special note of his bespectacled green eyes. The kid had certainly said the name with enough confidence for it to have been his own, but his eyes were telling a different story. They had looked different when he announced 'Neville', almost as if the boy had internally winced. A normal person wouldn't have noticed it, or even if they had, not recognized it for what it was. Ed, however, had taken on an alias himself often enough to recognize when a novice was trying to pull one over on him. Sure, 'Neville' had easily given out the name (Which probably meant he actually knew someone with that name), but no, that was definitely not this guy's name.

'Neville' looked startled at Ed's proclamation, his eyes darting over the State Alchemist as if trying to discern how the blond had known to call his bluff, while unknowingly cementing Ed's belief in the false identity.

"How– I mean." 'Neville' stopped himself. "Why would you think that?" He asked nervously.

"You eyes." Ed explained. "Zey vere not as convinced your name vas 'Neville' as zey should have been." Now Ed let a faint smirk tug at his lips before asking his question. "Vat is your real name, Not-Neville-Longbottom?"

The nervous kid opened his mouth to say something, but then Stan elbowed his way back into the conversation. "Right then, Neville," He said, clapping his hands. "Where abouts in London?"

"Diagon Alley." Both Ed and the kid answered simultaneously, making them look at each other in surprise.

"Wait, you're going to–" 'Neville' started, but was forced to grab onto a rail as the Knight Bus let out another loud bang and jerked around, the beds violently ricocheting off of walls.

 _Stop doing that!_ Ed would have screamed at Stan and Ern had he not been seriously concerned the action of opening his mouth would mean biting his own tongue off. One of the pieces of wayward furniture smashed into his leg, and, while Ed was certainly glad automail couldn't bruise, he winced at the loud clank of metal-on-metal it made. Luckily, 'Neville' seemed too occupied with keeping his own balance to notice the odd sound. Unfortunately, Ed could almost hear Winry yelling at him from all the way back in Amestris. Thank goodness he was out of wrench range.

"Here we are!" Stan announced when the bus finally stopped. "The Leaky Cauldron."

The doors at the front of the bus opened to reveal a dimly-lit street in front of a door that presumably led to the wizard's pub. Ed started to move forward to ask the young man for his name, but upon realizing that the Knight Bus was highly unlikely to stay in the same place for very long, instead rushed back through the scattered beds and up the stairs to grab his luggage. The alchemist wasn't staying on that crazy wizard bus for a single second longer.

~o)0(o~

Harry sighed in relief when Ed rushed away to get his bags. The short blond had looked like he was going to try and ask for his name again, those strange golden eyes flickering over him just like they had when Ed had somehow realized he was lying.

His relief was short lived, however, when a voice called out from the doorway of the Leaky Cauldron.

" _There_ you are, Harry!" Harry suddenly found a hand on his shoulder, and, looking to the owner of the hand, felt as if someone had decided to dunk his stomach in ice water.

"I'm glad the Knight Bus was able to pick you up, Harry." The Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, said as he guided Harry towards the tavern's door. "There are a few matters we need to discuss."

And just like that, young Harry Potter forgot all about his encounter with the strange, angry blond with the golden eyes.

* * *

a/n: I really like the stories where Ed has an accent, but I also feel like he is enough of a genius to have it fade fairly quick. By the time Ed reaches Hogwarts, he will probably have little to no accent.


	3. How to Buy a Wand

a/n: So many of you guys are following this story! I hope you like this next chapter: I made it quite a bit longer than the others.  
For reference:

 _That can't be true_ = thought  
That can't be true = anything not thought

* * *

 **Chapter 3: How to Buy a Wand**  
 **(Among Other Things)**

 _Ollivander's…Ollivander's…where the heck is this place supposed to be?!_ Ed was walking around Diagon Alley, trying to find the illusive wand shop Dumbledore had written down (along with a list of supplies) on the spare piece of parchment the young alchemist clutched in one hand.

The wizards' market had been incredible and exciting…for the first three hours he had spent trying to find Ollivander's. The headmaster had recommended the alchemist visit the wand maker's shop first and foremost; probably because the main point of Ed's trip was to get himself a wand. He passed a shop called Quality Quidditch Supplies that displayed a shiny broom in the front window, while on Ed's other side stood a store with windows piled high with books. _Flourish and Blotts_ , the sign above the window read, and the teen made a mental note to head there as soon as he was done at Ollivander's… _W_ _henever I manage to find the damn place!_

Walking a few more steps, Ed stopped in his tracks, eyes narrowing as they spotted a familiar sign for Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. He was sure he had seen that sign before–

"Dammit!" He shouted as he realized what had happened, startling a pair of elderly witches who had been walking past him. "I've been goink in circles!"

That was it. No more aimless wandering. Ed let his gaze sweep around the street, looking for someone… _There!_

The short alchemist stomped over to a young wizard using his wand to direct the broom that was sweeping the street in front of a small boutique. Not caring the least about manners, Ed snatched the broom out of the air mid-sweep. The wizard started to protest, but Ed was having none of that.

"Vhere is Ollivander's vand shop?" He demanded.

The kid just looked at him confusedly, his mousy brown hair drooping in front of his eyes despite the efforts of his small hat.

"What?" The boutique attendant asked in confusion.

Ed glared up at him. The fact that the kid was taller than him by a good six inches wasn't helping things. "Vere. Is. Ollivander's. Vand. Shop." He tried again, and the broom creaked in his automail grip.

"Oh," The kid said, not even recognizing the state of frustration Ed was in. "Ollivander's is four shops down on the right side. Small sign, dusty windows– you can't miss it!"

"Zank you." Ed growled out, graciously letting go of the broom instead of whacking the idiot upside his magic-filled head.

"Hey, you have an accent." The young wizard noticed. "Where are you from? Germany?"

Ed didn't bother answering as he tromped down the street to find the wand shop.

It turned out the kid had been right: four shops down on the right-hand side sat a dusty old shop with dark windows and a small sign above that stated it was indeed Ollivander's wand shop. However, Ed didn't know how the kid could have thought it was easy to find– he had been past this area at least three times and hadn't noticed it.

 _Ah, well._ He thought as he pushed open the old wooden doors. _Let's just get this thing over with quick._

The inside of the shop was just as dim as it had looked from the street, with only a single gas lamp burning on an ancient desk at the front of the room. Behind the desk seemed to stretch endless rows of shelves going so far back into the darkness that Ed wondered how large the building actually was ( _These wizards seem to like making things look smaller on the outside_ ). The shelves themselves were crammed with small box after box, and some of the long, thin containers even lay in piles on the floor. There must have been thousands of them; however, there was no sign of the owner himself.

"Mister Ollivander?" Ed tried. There was no hint of movement or acknowledgement. Walking up to the desk, Ed spotted a small service bell among the scattered papers and boxes that cluttered the workspace. He reached out a hand and lightly tapped the bell. The sound of the small chime echoed through the seemingly abandoned wand shop.

"Yes? What do you want?"

"Ah!" Ed leapt backwards in surprise when a grey-haired old man with large, round glasses popped up from behind the desk. "Vat ze hell? Vere you just hiding back zere?"

The old man frowned. "No, I was organizing some files. Why would you think I was hiding?"

"Vell–you–I called–ah, you know vat? I give up today." Ed stuffed his piece of parchment into the pocket of his black jacket. "Are you Ollivander the vand maker?"

"Of course, my boy."

"Good. In zat case, I need a vand. You can get one vor me, yes?"

Ollivander said nothing for a minute, his eyes roaming over Ed as if he were a new toy. The wand maker seemed to come to a decision, as he whipped out a tape measure from under a stack of papers and scurried around the desk to come face-to-face with the state alchemist.

"Go on and hold up your wand hand for me, then." He said in a pleasant but serious tone.

 _I guess that's a 'yes' then._ Ed thought. Out of habit he held out his right hand to the man. "Is this one vine–?"

Then he jerked it back, replacing it with his left. "Ah, never mind. Use my levt." He said, trying to keep the nervousness out of his voice. Ollivander just stared at him before moving to grasp his left forearm. Ed released a sigh, but it seemed the old man wasn't one to give up so easily. The moment the alchemist relaxed, the wand maker's arm darted over and grabbed Ed's right arm, whipping off the glove and pushing up the sleeve of his jacket before the blond could jerk away again.

Steel plates glinted in the light of the lamp. Ollivander's eyes became positively owlish behind his glasses as they saw the automail for the first time.

"…What is this?" The man said, his voice mixed with emotions that Ed couldn't decipher. "Your arm…" He started.

"Is none ov your business." Ed completed. "Just use my left arm and it won't matter vat my right arm is." He pulled his automail out of the wand maker's grasp, letting his sleeve drop down so that only his steel hand remained uncovered.

Ollivander blinked, and suddenly the surprise was gone from his features. "It is entirely my business." He stated firmly. "I can't give you the proper wand if I do not know enough about its potential wielder. One wand will be given to a right-hand user, while a completely different one will suite an ambidextrous wizard."

Ed started to object and tell the geezer _again_ that his arm was none of the wand maker's business, but Ollivander just ignored him and kept on going. "You put out your right arm first, so that is you wand arm–"

"I can use my left just fine–"

"In that case, you are ambidextrous and I will need to find a wand that will work just as well with metal as it would with flesh." Ollivander finished.

This caught Ed's attention. "Vy vould ze metal make a diverence?" He asked, resisting the urge to touch his automail.

"Magic travels from within to without, so it must be able to flow from wizard to wand to spell without a break in that flow. The metal of your arm could interfere with that flow and nullify any magical attempt or worse; it could backfire."

 _Interesting,_ Ed thought. He remembered the few short conversations he had had with other wizards when asking about the inner workings of magic. _No one seemed to know how it actually works, much less talk about possible consequences. This old man talks like he might know and even mentioned the possibility of rebounds without much questioning._

"A rebound." He agreed. "I can get zat. So, vat kind of vand vould you make vor someone like me?" Now that his interest had been peaked (and with the promise of the first intellectual conversation in far too long), Ed was much more willing to give the old man information. _Equivalent exchange I can handle,_ Ed thought happily.

Ollivander held out his hand and gestured at Ed's automail, which the young alchemist extended so that the wand maker could examine the steel prosthetic.

"Fascinating…" He murmured. "Is it fully metal? No flesh?"

"Yeah. It's called automail, but I'm guessink you vizards don't have zings like zis here?"

"No, I've never seen anything like it." Ollivander agreed in an awed tone, turning the automail so that he could run his wrinkled hands over the different plates and joints. "Now, how far does the metal extend?"

~o)0(o~

Nearly two weeks later, Edward walked out of Ollivander's wand shop holding his new wand in hand. The 10 inch custom order of ironwood was entwined with a ribbon of steel that reflected the afternoon light.

"Okay." Ed spoke softly to himself as he readied his wand. "Time for the last test." Before he could psych himself out, the blond alchemist clapped his hands together and pressed them to the length of wood and steel. Familiar blue light crackled around the wand, and Ed watched as the transmutation took place. Slowly, the steel unwound itself from the ironwood and melded back into its place among the plating of Ed's automail. The wood, meanwhile, formed into a ring that could easily slip onto the thin chain around the alchemist's neck if Ed had wanted to do so.

Holding the wooden ring up to his eye, Ed examined it for any faults or unusual markings. Seeing nothing, he sighed. "And now back again."

Soon, the wand was exactly as it was when the blond had stepped out of Ollivander's and (to Ed's great satisfaction) without even so much as a transmutation mark. Knowing that he might need the wand soon in this wizard-heavy area, Edward slipped it into a thin pocket he had transmuted on the inside of his red cloak just for that purpose. Now he looked around at the bustling shops, emporiums, and boutiques, remembering the time he had spent wandering through them as Ollivander crafted his wand…

~Flashback~

The old man had spent nearly an hour asking Ed questions and measuring him for his wand. Ollivander had guessed, and rightly so, that because of Ed's automail none of the pre-existing wands in the shop would be able to work for the alchemist. Just to be sure, Ollivander had brought out a few sample wands that would have normally suited someone like Ed and had told the blond to try giving them a flick. Disaster and chaos had followed as one after another the wands rejected the alchemist. All except for one of them hadn't even done anything when flicked by his automail limb… but the explosion caused by the one that _had_ reacted was what had made the two eventually decide to stop testing existing wands (It was a good thing Ollivander knew a good stabilizing spell, otherwise the second floor of the shop would have flattened the two men). Instead of being frustrated at the inconvenience like Ed had thought the wand maker would be, the old man was practically humming with happiness at the thought of rising to the challenge and improving his craft.

At first, Ed had hung around the shop, peering over the wand maker's shoulder and making the occasional comment or incite. After a day of this, the old man had become irritated at Edward's constant pestering and kicked him out, telling him to 'Go and spend that energy somewhere else and let me work!'. Ed hadn't been all that worried by this reaction– after all, that was what Winry was like whenever he hung around while she was working. Thus, he concluded that must be the natural reaction of all craftsmen at work. He could always use the extra time to gather the other things Dumbledore had written on the list.

The headmaster had loaned Edward a bag that was supposed to be able to hold any amount of things (so long as he didn't try to place anything living inside) and offered to pay for the supplies on the list through the school budget. Ed had waved this off immediately, though. Mustang said he had transferred part of his State Research grant money to Gringotts, and Ed knew that was more than enough funds to get anything the curious old wizard had put on the list.

So Ed went around gathering the supplies Dumbledore had asked for and the things Ed suspected he would need for his alchemy class. _Idiots_ , Ed still chuckled whenever he remembered that those crazy wizards actually thought he would make a good teacher!

He swept through shop after shop, browsing through school supplies and puzzling over bizarre wizardly gizmos. It was a strange place Mustang had sent him to, and sometimes Ed had to remember that he wasn't just dreaming all the madness that permeated the magic culture.

The alchemist found samples of elements in an apothecary; though, it took him several minutes to get the employee to understand that he actually _wanted_ unenchanted samples. He had almost as much trouble finding usable chalk, as most of the shops seemed to only carry color-changing or permanent varieties.

 _Why does everything have to be magic! Why can't wizards leave perfectly good things alone?_ Ed thought exasperatedly after he finally found someone selling ordinary chalk. _Next time I'll just save myself the trouble and transmute some._

The next item on the list was writing utensils, and there was no way in Truth Ed was going to make his students take notes using the absurd quills he had seen displayed at several stalls. No, Ed was going to stick to what he knew– and if it took him the rest of the day to find something that could pass for a pencil or pen, so be it.

Luckily enough, after only a few minutes of searching Ed found someone selling boxes of No.2 pencils. The secluded stall was wedged into the alleyway between two large storefronts, with a large sign boasting, 'Genuine Muggle Merchandise!.' Ed wasn't quite sure what the term _muggle_ meant, but if the assortment of batteries, tapes, and other non-magical junk was anything to go by, then _muggle_ probably referred to people without magic.

"You like muggles, kid?" The sales wizard asked when he saw Ed looking at his stall. He started talking again before Ed could answer. "All of my wares are one hundred percent authentic muggle items: nothing wizard made here!"

"Vell, I'm not vreally–" Ed started, but the man payed him no mind.

"What about something like this?" The wizard shoved a page of stamps in front of the alchemist's face. "Muggles have to place them on their mail before they can be sent! A sheet of these would normally cost two galleons, but…" Now the wizard dropped his voice to a conspiratory whisper and leaned in closer to the teen. "I can cut you a deal for only sixteen sickles."

Ed pushed the sheet away from his face and gestured at the stack of pencil boxes. "Not interested. How much are ze pencils?"

The wizard watched as Ed hefted a box in his hand. "Ah, you have a discerning eye, my foreign friend. Those 'penkills' are what muggles use instead of quills." Ed winced at the pronunciation– even he could do better, and he had only started learning English a few months ago! "They need no ink and can even erase what they write using an ingenious pink device on the opposite end!"

"I know. How much?" Ed repeated.

"Ah, well for such a valuable item…" The man pretended to consider it while looking at Edward's clothes. The alchemist could practically see him trying to decide how much Ed could spend. "I can really only part with one for three sickles."

Ed raised an eyebrow. "Zree sickles vor a box of pencils?" Over the course of the last few days, Edward had gotten a pretty good idea of what wizard currency was worth, so he was well aware this guy was trying to rob him. _Maybe I can talk him down to a more reasonable_ –

The wizard chuckled. "A box? No, I want three sickles per penkill."

Only the phantom sound of Hawkeye cocking her gun held Ed back from leaping over the table and punching the greedy smile off the wizard's face. His fists clenched in an effort to restrain himself as he thought of what he could do. _Diplomacy. Diplomacy. Mustang probably won't consider getting arrested for assault in a public market 'diplomacy.' I need those pencils, but there is no way in hell I can resist beating the crap out of this guy long enough to haggle the price down. If I could just grab the pencils and run–_

A smile came over Ed's face at the thought, but the wizard didn't understand what it meant. "Ah, so how many penkills will you be buying?" He asked, hands rubbing together to create the stereotypical gesture of greed.

"Just a minute." Ed rummaged in a pocket and pulled out a pen. "Do you have a piece of paper I can use?"

Interested to see what the young man would do next, the wizard passed Ed a scrap of parchment. The merchant craned his neck to see what was happening, but the alchemist shielded his writing with one hand. After a second, Ed flipped the paper over and took out the magic bag Dumbledore had given him, summoning out his money pouch.

"Will you be wanting a bag with your purchase?" The wizard questioned, not believing his luck at having someone so gullible.

"No need. I–" Ed forced his golden eyes open as far as they would go and jabbed his pointer finger at the alley behind the vendor. "VAT IN ZE NAME OF TRUTH IS ZAT!"

When the wizard whipped around to see what horrifying thing was coming from behind, Ed scooped as many boxes of pencils as he could manage into the magical bag and then threw a few sickles onto the table. Ed flashed a grin at the man as he turned around, confused.

"There was nothing– HEY!" Aaaand that was Ed's cue to run. "Get back here and pay, you thief!"

"Equivalent exchange!" Ed yelled over his shoulder just before he ran around a corner. He heard yelling and footsteps behind him, but the young alchemist wasn't worried. As the angry wizard passed, the man didn't even glance towards the blond shadow ducked under a rack of magic carpets. Ed watched him go with a satisfied smile. He had paid the man a fair price (in Ed's mind) and helped the man improve his business: if the wizard ever bothered to check Ed's note, he would find the correct spelling and pronunciation of the word _pencil_.

Ed was totally going to nag Mustang about this: proof that Edward could be 'diplomatic.' Well, at least the Fullmetal version of diplomacy.

After a glance showed that no one nearby was trying to have him arrested, Ed slipped out from behind the carpets. He made his way back towards Ollivander's with a smirk on his face (All the while being careful to take the alleyways whenever he heard angry shouting coming near). The alchemist turned onto the street that held the wand shop and strode confidently towards the door. Edward had gotten a lot done that day, and he decided to quit while he was still ahead.

~o(0)o~

The next day, Ed came downstairs to find Ollivander still hunched over his work desk, one hand tapping a length of wood against a bowl of water while the other feverishly wrote notes. The old wand maker had offered Ed a place to stay until the new wand was completed– an offer the alchemist had at first refused on the basis that, "It vouldn't be equivalent exchange."

Ollivander had immediately replied with a counter offer. If Ed would consent to being a veritable guinea pig for the new wand, then the debt would be settled. Considering the disastrous results with the generic wands, Ed had accepted the deal as a fair one. Looking at the aged wizard now, the teen couldn't figure out how he felt: thankful that the old man was looking into every detail, or fear of the complicated equations that would mean even more possibilities for disaster.

"Mr. Ollivander, I am goink out." Ed called as he walked towards the door, tugging on a pair of white gloves to complete his normal outfit.

"Mm." The wand maker acknowledged, not even looking up at his guest. Ed filed away the similarity to Winry with his working theory on the nature of craftsmen. After chimeras, maybe the blond would look into that idea further.

"Iv you need to vind me, I vill probably be at zat big bookstore."

"Mm." Was all he got as a reply, but Edward doubted Ollivander would even notice he was gone. With an ignored wave at the old man, Ed walked out onto Diagon Alley. There was a bounce in his step as he made his way down the bustling street, for the teen was finally going somewhere he wanted to be: the bookstore.

Flourish and Blotts went beyond Edward's expectations and close to his budget. Only minutes after entering the bookstore, Ed turned around and went straight to Gringotts to withdraw more funds. He had a hunch that he was going to want more money on him than the pocket change left from the previous day's shopping. By the time the alchemist returned to the store it was full of families buying school supplies.

"And what year of textbooks will you be needing, young man?" A kindly voice asked Ed from behind.

"Vho are you callink–!" The alchemist began as he whirled around. He stopped short when he saw that the voice belonged to an elderly witch in a clerk's uniform. A name tag on her chest told Ed her name was Linda. "Oh." _Well, I can't really get mad at her for calling me young– I certainly am compared to her._ Ed reminded himself as the lady waited patiently.

"You are here you get supplies for Hogwarts, yes?" Linda asked.

"You could say zat." The alchemist said. If he wanted to gain anything from his stay at Hogwarts, Ed supposed he would have to start with the basics. "Actually, zis might sound unusual, but could I have all of ze textbooks?"

"All of them?" The woman asked. "Years one through seven?"

"Yes, if you have zem."

The witch blinked. Then she shrugged and began hobbling towards the back of the shop, motioning for the blond to follow. Soon enough they reached a back counter cluttered with catalogs and order forms. The woman rooted through the mess for a moment before drawing out a flat, metal disk. Linda blew on the object (causing dust to fly into the air), and then handed it to Ed.

"Here. When I have your books ready the disk will vibrate and you can come pick them up." The witch supplied. "Until then, feel free to browse."

Ed slipped the disk into a pocket and nodded his thanks at the woman, but she had already hobbled off to gather his books. The alchemist gave the back counter one last glance before walking back towards the shelves. _I wonder if they have any books about alchemy…_

As it turned out, not only did the bookstore stock an assortment of books on magical alchemy, but it also carried titles and tomes about nearly every subject Ed could have imagined. Shelves upon shelves of knowledge no one in Amestris had access to stretched out in all directions, beckoning Ed further into its depths. In short, it was paradise for the bookworm. Dumbledore had informed him that the Hogwarts library was quite extensive, but that didn't stop the alchemist from picking up pretty much any volume that caught his eye.

By the time the magical disk notified Edward that his books were ready, he had amassed quite a collection of literature he wanted to buy, so he made his way to the back with the intention of asking Linda to help him package them. When Ed reached the back counter he found a stack of five boxes and a young wizard– who was most definitely not Linda– tapping his foot impatiently.

"Are zose my books?" The alchemist asked, gesturing at the boxes.

The male clerk raised an eyebrow. "You're the bloke who asked for all the textbooks?" His gaze wandered up and down Ed's outfit. "Do you really need all seven years?"

Ed ignored the question and walked towards the boxes. "Vhere is ze woman vho vas helping me before?"

"You mean Linda? Her shift ended a half hour ago, so she had me round up the rest of these books." The wizard said as Ed placed his books into the bag. "What are you going to do with all of these?"

"I don't have to answer zat."

"Well, you do have to pay for all of them. Your bill adds up to–"

"Vait." Ed interrupted as he slipped the last box into the bag. "I have a few more books I vas vanting to purchase."

"Oh, alright then. Just bring them up to the cashier–"

"I can't do zat." Ed stopped him. There was no way he was going to haul all of the books he wanted to the front of the store. "If you vollow me, I can show you vhy."

The alchemist lead the clerk to the secluded corner he had been using to store the books he wanted. The young wizard gaped the mountain of books, tomes, and manuals Ed had stacked on the floor.

"A-all of these?" He asked in a shaky voice. When Ed nodded, the clerk rushed off, a dazed look on his face. The alchemist wasn't worried. After all, he had yet to pay for his books, so he knew the clerk would have to come back at some point. The blond teen was happily flipping through the pages of _Hogwarts: A History_ , when the young wizard came back, manager in tow.

"Did you do all of this?" The manager was a thin wizard with brown hair and spectacles. He hadn't been able to figure out what his clerk was trying to tell him when the boy had pulled him away from his work and to this dusty corner of the store, but upon seeing the piles of books Ed had placed around him, he thought he had a pretty good idea. "I must ask that you put all of these back this instant, sir."

Ed shut the book he was reading and looked up. "Is somezink vrong?" He asked politely.

"Is something _wrong_?" The manager repeated incredulously. "You cannot just throw our wares around as you please!"

"Ah, no. Sir–" The clerk tried to interject, but the manager folded his arms.

"Don't worry. I've got this. We can't just let this guy push us around. He either puts all of this back or he buys it."

"I vant to buy zem."

"Yeah, I thought so– wait, what?"

Ed gestured at the piles of books that were stacked almost to his knees. "How much do zey cost? I vant to purchase them."

The manager looked like he was about to have a heart attack. "I tried to tell you earlier, sir." The clerk explained. "There were too many books for me to figure out the correct price." The manager still looked flustered, but he seemed to be recovering.

Ed was willing to wait patiently for once. He was in a bookstore– a _magical_ bookstore– about to purchase books that could change the whole basis of his research. He was feeling gracious enough to let the manager have a minute.

"C-can you even pay for all of this?" The older wizard finally managed to ask. The heavy bag of galleons the alchemist placed in the manager's hands answered the man's doubts quickly enough.

~o)0(o~

Ed spent the many days waiting for Ollivander to finish his wand by exploring the extent of Diagon Alley and writing to Al. He told his brother about the crazy happenings of the wizarding world and made sure to remind him that if he found any cats when he got back to Amestris they would be back on the street faster than he could say 'Xerxes.' Ed wasn't sure how the owl-sent messaging system worked, but he rented an owl to deliver his letter anyway. _Just another thing to add to my list of research questions._

There were only a few shops that Ed hadn't yet entered. One was Madam Malkin's robe shop. The blond teen had taken one look at the flowing robes and promptly walked away. Ed couldn't understand what wizards saw in them– it wasn't as if having a tent of fabric draped over you would do anything except hinder your movement. There was another shop Ed avoided like the plague: Diagon Ally's ice cream parlor. The alchemist didn't want to get anywhere near that much frozen dairy and even took back alleys to avoid going past the storefront.

The last few days, however, had been spent experimenting with the multiple wands Ollivander had created and tweaking them until they had found the correct match. During that time, Ed had been able to find out a lot about the way the wands helped channel the 'magic' power. Ed knew Winry would furious to know that he had used part of his automail in his wand…but what she didn't know wasn't going to get him a wrench in the head.

After going over through the first year of Hogwarts textbooks, the alchemist had become highly interested in the theory of Transfiguration. It seemed to be the closest category of magic to alchemy (besides magical alchemy itself), and was a subject that might be able to help some of his chimera friends back home in Amestris. This had prompted Ed to go back to Flourish and Blotts and buy as many books as he could find about the topic and read through them quickly. At first, he had asked the old wand maker many questions and Ollivander had complied with helpful clarifications and advice, but the more Ed read about the theory of 'magic' the more he understood.

As he saw it, the wizards might call what they did 'magic,' but to call something magic would mean it was unexplainable. How could it be unexplainable if they taught it in schools? Therefore, though it might be called 'magic,' there had to be reason behind it– it couldn't just be miracles. No miracle could be tested and repeated like 'magic' could.

 _This assignment might turn out to be more helpful than I thought,_ Ed had mused the evening before Ollivander had finished his wand. By the time the magical tool was completed, the young alchemist had gone through all seven years of Hogwarts literature and was fairly sure he could cast most of the spells and charms described in his books without a problem. Ollivander had advised him to test the majority of them out once he got to Hogwarts to avoid any 'underage magic complications' (as he put it), so Ed would have to leave analyzing spell theory until he reached the magical school.

~Present Day~

Ed glanced at the magic bag in his hands as he walked towards the Leaky Cauldron; the thing would be quite helpful if he could convince Al to use it to send over some of the books from their personal library back home.

"Ah," Ed realized something as he contemplated the amount of literature he would be adding to his chamber at the school. "I will need to add more shelves."

* * *

a/n: Alright! With this chapter we are finally ready to go to Hogwarts! I know there wasn't much action in this chapter, but there should be more from now on. Thanks for reading!


	4. How to Catch a Train

a/n: Just wanted to say 'thank you' to all of you who reviewed or are following this story. A Special thanks goes out to Sobek-Ra King of Crocodiles, for continuously reviewing and offering suggestions. Seriously guys, if you make a suggestion, have a question, or even just a comment, write a review or PM me. I'll make sure to read and reply as fast as I can. No promises that I'll use your suggestions, but I'll at least take them into consideration.

 _Can't I catch a break?_ = Thought (or the occasional emphasis)  
Can't I catch a break? = Everything else  
~~v~~ = Time break  
~o)0(o~ = Change in Viewpoint

Oh, I forgot to do this the last few times: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or Harry Potter, and though I wish writing this would earn me money, it does not. With that, enjoy the chapter!

* * *

 **Chapter 4: How to Catch a Train**

"…" Edward stared at the brick wall, trying to find a button or switch that would let him pass through. He glanced down at Dumbledore's instructions again, but they hadn't changed since the last five times he had looked at them– _You never know with wizards_ _._

 _Dear Mr. Elric,_  
 _Use the brick wall in between platforms 9 and 10 at King's cross station to access platform 9 3/4. Once through, board the Hogwarts Express. The train leaves at 10 A.M. sharp. All teachers are expected to be present at the opening ceremony, so I would recommend you avoid being late for the train._  
 _Sincerely,_  
 _Albus Dumbledore_

Ed sighed. Catching a train he could do– he had certainly had enough practice throughout his years of traveling. Figuring out how to 'use' a brick wall to find a secret platform?…yeah, not so much. The alchemist didn't think Dumbledore would want him to transmute a way through. After all, that would definitely attract attention, and the wizarding community seemed to want to stay as discreet as possible. There wasn't much you could call discreet about atomically rearranging a wall in the middle of a busy train station. Though, Mustang would have probably argued that Ed's customary red coat was already squashing his efforts at being inconspicuous.

Ed had tried tapping various bricks like at Diagon Alley, saying wizard-sounding phrases, and even waving his wand around when no one was looking. Nothing was working. Nothing was working _and_ there was only two minutes left before the train was supposed to leave. Out of the corner of his eye, the blond spotted a pair of officers walking towards him. One of them was talking into his radio, while the other was squinting suspiciously at Ed.

 _Great._ He thought. _Now I have to deal with the authorities_ and _figure out how to get passed this wall. How much time do I have left? A little over a minute?_ Ed threw a punch at the wall in frustration... and was shocked when his fist simply melted through the stone, meeting no resistance. He jerked it out again, the brick rippling like water.

 _Okay…_ Ed's mind moved rapidly as the officers drew closer, the two frowning at the strangely dressed young man. _Looks like force might be the way to go._

The alchemist stepped back a few paces, took a deep breath, and then charged at the wall. When he was only a step away, Ed threw himself at the bricks with as much force as he could manage, hoping like mad he wasn't about to smash head-first into stone. Behind him, the cops shouted something Ed assumed was, 'Halt, crazy young man about to kill yourself!'

Just as Ed was about to break his skull against the wall, he passed through whatever spell had been placed there, slipping easily onto a bustling train platform. His sigh of relief was short-lived as his momentum carried him directly into someone's back.

WHUMPH! Ed and whomever he had crashed into were knocked to the floor, creating a mass of struggling limbs and confused exclamations. When the blond alchemist finally managed to extract himself from his accidental victim, he found that it was a man in his mid-forties with bright red hair and a worn suit.

"Sorry." Ed apologized as he gave the man a hand up from the floor. "It would seem I got carried away getting through the entrance spell. I didn't want to miss the train." The alchemist hid his smile at how much his accent had disappeared over his time at Diagon Alley. Hopefully only a few people at Hogwarts would ask where he was from now that the accent was gone.

The man– who had been about to brush off Ed's apology– suddenly looked panicked. "The train? As in the Hogwarts train?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?" Not a second after Ed finished, he got his answer. A loud whistle rang through the platform, and the sound of moving gears started up from behind the startled alchemist. Ed whirled around to see the Hogwarts Express chugging its way past him. "Crap!"

The red haired man forgotten, Ed sprinted for the escaping train. It was gaining speed, and Ed pumped his mismatched legs as fast as he could manage in order to catch up. If he hadn't been laser focused on catching the locomotive, he might have noticed the students gawking at him through the windows of the train.

The alchemist reached the the train just as the last car slipped away from the platform. Without hesitation, Ed lept for the back rail with all the force he could muster. Again, if he had been paying attention, he might have heard the collective gasps from the wizard parents standing back on the platform proper. As it was, the blond only heard the wind as he flew through the air towards the fleeting caboose, hands outstretched.

CLANG! Ed hit the back railing with both hands, but only his automail was able to take his full weight once gravity kicked in and Ed's body smashed painfully into the steel railing. With little effort, he swung himself up and over the rail to stand on the little platform at the back of the train. When he looked back, the alchemist could see King's Cross Station already far into the distance. It was a good thing he had chanced the jump when he had– no amount of running or discreet alchemy would have let him catch up with the speeding train.

Assuming that most of the compartments would already be full of students and not wanting to socialize, Edward climbed onto the roof of the train and used a bit of alchemy to make himself a comfortable backrest. With the peaceful countryside below him, the wind whipping around him, and a blue sky above him, Ed thought he might just stay up there if the weather remained so nice.

~o(0)o~

"Who d'you reckon he is?" Ron whispered as the trio sat down in the same compartment as a strange, sleeping man. This had been the only compartment that wasn't completely full, so they had decided to take it despite how ill and exhausted the stranger inside looked to be.

"Professor R. J. Lupin." Hermione replied immediately.

"How d'you know that?"

"Ron, it's on the suitcase over there." She said as she pointe at the battered luggage on the rack above their heads. Indeed, with fading letters was stamped, _Professor R. J. Lupin_ , onto the worn leather.

"Huh, guess you're right." Ron admitted, sitting down in the seat opposite the sleeping teacher. "Wonder what he teaches?"

"That's obvious," Hermione said with a hushed voice even though the man seemed completely oblivious to the world. "There's only one vacancy, remember? Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Well, I hope he's up to the task." Ron muttered doubtfully before turning to Harry. "Anyway, what were you going to tell us earlier, Harry?"

~~v~~

The trio had been careful to be quiet around the sleeping professor at first, but by mid-afternoon they had begun to assume that– short of physically shaking the man awake– nothing was going to disturb his slumber. This theory was soon proven when, just as it started to raining hard, they heard footsteps in the hall outside their compartment. The door slid open to reveal their three favorite Slytherin's. Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle appeared in the doorway, a sneer already in place on Draco's thin face.

"Well look what we have here." Malfoy started. "If it isn't Potter and Weasley."

For some reason, Crabbe and Goyle must have found this simple statement of fact amusing, since they started chuckling dumbly as they looked at Malfoy.

"I heard your father got his hands on some money, Weasley." Draco said. "I hope your mother didn't die of shock–"

Ron stood up in rage as Malfoy spoke, but the platinum blond had stopped short mid-taunt, his stunned gaze frozen on something outside the compartment's window.

As one, the occupants of the cabin turned to see what the Slytherin was staring at. They didn't know what to expect. A bird? An escaped chocolate frog? Harry and Ron in a flying car– _Oh, wait. No that was last year._ The trio thought.

Instead, the upside-down head of a young man stared at them with piercing golden eyes through the rain, a golden braid of hair whipping wildly in the wind. As they watched, the teen brought up his white gloved hand and calmly rapped on the window as if to get their attention.

Well, he certainly had it. The guy was hanging upside-down from the roof of a moving train, for Merlin's sake!

~o)0(o~

Ed had been enjoying a quiet nap on top of the Hogwarts Express, trying to get in as much relaxation as possible before he was forced into a teaching position for the rest of the year.

 _When I get back from this assignment that blasted Colonel won't know what hit him!_ The thought of revenge made him smile. Even if going to Hogwarts would help Ed with his research, that didn't mean the alchemist wasn't going to hold a grudge against Mustang for giving him a foreign assignment– especially since it meant being away from Al for a year.

A cloud that had been blocking the sun moved away then, allowing cheerful warmth to spread over the reclining blond. Ed placed his hands behind his head and gazed up at the sky. _If only the weather could always be like this._

~~v~~

Only a few hours later, Ed was woken by a large drop of water smacking into his unprotected face. Then another. And another. The blond looked up to see the sky had gone from a clear blue to stormy grey. His automail ports ached from the change in weather as he stood abruptly.

What followed might have been only a light shower, but Ed couldn't tell: on top of the speeding train, even gentle drops of water turned into tiny missiles of blunt-force trauma. The blond alchemist began running along the tops of the cars. Every few steps he would lean over the edge to see into the cabins and check for empty seats.

Apparently, he had been right about the amount of students on the train, for every single car was filled with kids. Well, Ed did see a cabin with three open seats, but the kids inside looked rather rude and snobbish, so he opted to come back to them _only_ if he found no other open seats. He would almost rather stay out in the rain than sit out the rest of the train ride with jerks.

By now, the young alchemist was starting to worry about the effects of the rain on his automail. Sure, he had it covered, but his clothes could only hold out for so much longer before the water got through to his prosthetics. Ed needed to find some open seats and quickly… _Or else Winry is going to kill me._

Fortunately for the blond, the very next compartment he leaned down to peer into had a few open seats. As a bonus, the kids already inside at least looked decently intelligent. Unfortunately, he then noticed that there were three students standing in the doorway to the cabin. If they took those hard-sought seats before Ed there was going to be hell to pay.

Making sure that his legs were secure on the train's roof, the alchemist let himself swing down to become level with the cabin window– albeit he was upside-down, but that was no problem as long as he was able to claim those seats before anyone else. He knocked on the window with his right hand, sure that the sound of the automail on glass (though the prosthetic was covered by his usual gloves) wouldn't go unnoticed for long. Sure enough, the nasty looking boy standing in the middle of the doorway was the first to notice him, the kid's mouth dropping open in shock. This prompted a slight grin on Ed's part, but the upside-down soon-to-be alchemy professor kept knocking.

Now the other children in the compartment turned to stare at him with various expressions of disbelief and confusion. Ed was used to this reaction by now and simply pointed to the inside latch that was keeping the window closed. A red-haired kid ( _I wonder if he's related to the man at the platform earlier?_ ) moved a shaky hand up to the latch and flipped it numbly, as if not really comprehending what he was doing. With the window unlocked, Ed was able to slide it up and slip into the cabin with practiced ease before turning around and closing the window behind him.

No one spoke for a minute as Ed brushed off some of the rain still clinging to his red coat, a pool of water slowly spreading around his feet. Since no one was talking, Ed himself broke the silence.

"I call that seat." He said, pointing with gloved hand to the open space right next to a strangely familiar black-haired kid. Ed shot a glare at the trio still in the doorway. "I don't care if you were here first; I am taking it."

The alchemist's words seemed to snap the kid in the doorway back to reality, and a sneer formed on the platinum-blond's face. "And who are you? Another weird friend of Potter and Weasley?" He mocked. "Or does that mudblood, Granger, have a taste for short men now?"

If the red-haired kid looked angry at the insult (To whom the alchemist assumed was the girl sitting across from him), then Ed was positively furious.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLIN A SPECK OF DUST SO SMALL HE NEVER LANDS ON ANYTHING BECAUSE HE SLIPS THROUGH THE MOLECULAR STRUCTURE!" The enraged alchemist roared as he stalked towards the blond. "YOU LOOKIN FOR A FIGHT?! HUH?!"

The two stocky kid's behind the platinum backed away in the face of Ed's sudden outburst. Shaking, but not ready to back down quite yet, the object of Ed's anger steeled himself.

"I think you're looking for a detention!" He shot back.

"You're not a prefect!" The girl behind Ed objected. "You can't just give someone a detention!"

"He went against rules being on top of the train. When my father hears about this, he'll–" The kid stopped as Ed burst out laughing.

"You guys have a rule against being on top of the train?" The alchemist laughed at the absurdity. _Who would think of something so ridiculously redundant?_ "Anyway, I highly doubt you or your father could land me a detention. Who are you?" There was a glint in Ed's eyes as he looked at the kid who had insulted his height.

"I'm a Malfoy!" The platinum looked affronted by this apparent lack of knowledge on Ed's part. "And when my father hears about–"

Ed interrupted him again. "A what?" He asked. He looked back at the students behind him who were still staring at him, shocked. "Is that some wizard word I don't know?"

He put a hand to his chin as if in thought, pretending to think while looking Malfoy over. "Oh, I have it!" He cried with fake revelation. "A 'Malfoy' must be the wizard equivalent of a sniveling brat! Thank you so much for clearing that up for me."

Ed was tired of this Malfoy kid and just wanted to shed his coat before the water got to his automail. Striding forward the last step to the door, Ed placed a hand on the door handle.

"See you at the school." Was all Ed offered before slamming the door in Malfoy's face, baring the kid from any further comments. Edward turned to the students still left in the cabin. It still bugged Ed how the kid with black hair looked so familiar, but for the life of him, the alchemist couldn't remember where they had met.

 _First thing's first, though_. Ed thought. "Any of you know a drying spell?"

~o(0)o~

Harry's mind was trying frantically to catch up with the events that had just happened.

 _Malfoy is taunting us again. Someone is knocking on the cabin window. Ron just let that person in. Said person just claimed a seat and is now yelling at Malfoy. Malfoy is starting to say something but the dripping wet kid closes the door in his face. Nice one. Wish I could have done that. How has the new professor not woken up yet? Wait a minute, this guy looks really familiar: blond hair in a braid, red coat, black outfit, white gloves…_

"Ed?" he asked out loud, only now remembering the strange young man he had encountered on the Knight Bus a few weeks previous. The sopping wet blond turned to look at him.

"Yeah? Wait, how did you know my name–" Ed stopped short, a light of realization coming to his golden eyes as it seemed to click who Harry was. The blond crossed his arms in front of him in a triumphant look. "Well look who it is: 'Neville-not-Neville'."

… _or maybe not_. Harry thought belatedly.

Ron laughed, getting over his shock. " 'Neville-Not-Nevill'? Harry, is he talking about you?"

"Um, yeah." Harry started, a little embarrassed to be meeting Ed again after already telling the guy a false name. "Remember when I ran away from the Dursley's and rode the Knight Bus? Ed was there…and I kind of told him my name was Neville…but he didn't believe me."

"I don't think anyone would have, Harry. It is Harry, right?" When Harry nodded, Ed continued. "You're a horrible liar."

"Um," Hermione cleared her throat nervously. "Who are you again?" She asked the wet blond.

"Oh, right." Ed nodded and shrugged off his drenched red coat, revealing his silver-lined black jacket and leather pants held up by a broad, brown-leather belt. He set the wet fabric on the luggage rack to dry and them stuck out his left hand to Hermione.

"The name's Edward Elric, though most everyone just calls me Ed." The mysterious blond said as the girl shook his gloved hand. "And you are…?"

"Hermione Granger." The frizzy-haired bookworm answered, blushing a little.

 _Why is she– oh, wait…_ Harry thought as he took a closer look at Ed. The young man's golden eyes and hair glinted in the cabin's light. Now that he had that flamboyant red cloak off, Harry could see the guy's lean and muscular build.

 _No way,_ The boy-who-lived realized. _Does Hermione find him attractive?_

"I'm Ron Weasley." Harry was snapped out of his thoughts when Ron spoke, now shaking Ed's hand himself. "And you probably already know who Harry is."

"Yes, I met him on that hell bus." Ed replied. Harry thought it was strange how the teen hadn't reacted at all to his name. _Most wizards would have asked me about my scar or something by now…_

Now that introductions were over, Ed plopped himself down next to Harry with a sigh, "Good, now I actually know some people before getting to Hogwarts."

"You don't know anyone yet? Are you a first-year or something?" Ron asked incredulously.

"…Are you calling me short?" Harry shivered at the dangerous tone in Ed's voice and the way those golden eyes flared up in challenge. Wisely, Ron backed off with no comment, not wanting another repeat of the 'Draco Encounter'.

"So, Ed." The blond turned his gaze on Harry, and the third-year (who had really only been trying to draw attention away from Ron) tried desperately to think of something to ask him. Luckily for Harry, there were plenty of topics concerning Ed that he was wondering about; first and foremost being: "Why were you on the roof in the middle of a storm?"

"Well, I didn't know there was a rule against it." Ed began, and Harry saw Hermione relax a little. It seemed his friend was relieved that her new 'crush' had not been intentionally breaking a school rule. "I caught the train late and decided I might as well stay outside since we were having such nice weather. Then it started raining, and well, you know the rest." The blond's tone said he thought that was the end of the matter. _As if!_ Harry thought.

"…You thought you would just climb onto the roof of a moving train because you didn't want to stay inside when the weather was nice?" Harry asked, more than a little incredulous. He had figured Ed was fairly eccentric by the way he looked, but even for eccentric, this was pushing things.

"Well, pretty much all of the cabins were full except for this one, so there wouldn't have been a place for me to sit even if I had come inside. Socializing isn't really my thing." Ed said.

"You have a slight accent, Ed." Hermione noted. "Where are you from? Are you transferring to Hogwarts?"

 _Ah, that's it_. Something had been bothering Harry about the way Ed had been speaking. _He lost most of his accent!_ Now the blond was pronouncing most words correctly, but sometimes Harry would catch a syllable clipped short or a phrase overly smooth– something Hermione must have picked up on.

"You could say that." Ed gave a small smile.

"Oh! I don't think Hogwarts has ever had a transfer student before!" Hermione gushed.

It was only later that Harry realized the blond had never said where he was from.

~~v~~

The sky grew darker and the storm more fierce as the train chugged onward towards Hogwarts. The trio had tried to engage Ed in conversation, but Harry noticed the flamboyant young man would steer the questions in different directions whenever they started asking about Ed's family, past, or reason for going to Hogwarts. They stopped trying when Ed pointedly brought out a well-worn pocket journal and began reading in silence, absently twirling a pencil with his right hand. Ever so often the blond would flip to a seemingly random page and scribble something down, a look of concentration on his face. When Harry chanced a glance at the contents, all he saw was what looked like a travel log in some foreign language.

Ron didn't seem bothered by this and chatted with Harry about his family's trip to Egypt and anything else that caught his interest. The redhead seemed a little wary of Ed after he had asked the blond a question about where his dad worked and had received the violent answer of: _"Why should I care? That bastard should have died off a long time ago."_ That was, coincidentally, when the trio had stopped asking about Ed's personal life.

"Hey, Ed." Hermione broke through the reading enigma's bubble of concentration, a curious expression on her face. "Why are you writing with your right hand when you shook our hands with your left?"

Harry blinked as he realized Hermione was right; Ed had even shaken Harry's left hand when they met on the Knight Bus, but was now using his right to write.

Ed paused as if considering his answer. The blond opened his mouth hesitantly, but before he could say anything, the train began slowing down.

"We can't be there yet!" Hermione said, checking her watch. "Why are we stopping?"

Ed forgotten for the moment, the occupants of the car listened carefully as the train slowed and the sound of the rain beating down came even louder against the walls of the compartment. Harry, the closest to the door, peeked out into the corridor. He found several heads sticking out of the other cabins curiously as students tried to figure out what was happening. The train came to a suddenly stop with a jolt, sending luggage off the overhead racks of the other cabins– judging by the muted thuds and sounds of cursing from the other compartments.

Then, without any warning, all of the lights went out, plunging them all into complete darkness.

* * *

a/n: Another day, another chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. I bet most of you guys can guess what's coming next:  
Tune in next time for Edward Elric teaching the students of Hogwarts about poker, setting up a black market gambling ring, and becoming a wanted criminal! Just kidding.


	5. How to Encounter the Past

a/n: Wow! Over 60 favorites already? You guys are the best. Special thanks to Sobek-Ra King of Crocodiles, and 1 One Piece Fan, who have been a constant supply of encouragement and ideas. There are so many others who reviewed, but you guys probably want to get to the story, so I replied to your reviews instead of putting them here.

Alright, so I recently got in a bike accident and my hands got pretty torn up. This means I might not update for a while while I let them heal. Luckily, I already had most of these next two chapters typed out! They are a bit shorter than the last few I posted, so I am posting them at the same time (but still as two separate chapters).

 _The author's note is still going?_ = Thought  
The author's note is still going = Everything else  
~o(0)o~ = Viewpoint change  
~~~v~~~ = Time skip

* * *

 **Chapter 5: How to** **Encounter the Past**

Something was wrong. Something dangerous was coming. Ed sighed in relief. Oncoming danger meant Hermione wouldn't be asking more questions about his arm that he didn't want to answer.

 _Brother,_ Ed could almost hear Alphonse chastising him, _Y_ _ou need to pay more attention to your surroundings if you don't want them to know about your automail. There won't always be something to divert their attention._

 _Yeah, I know, I know; I'll be more careful._ The alchemist thought back to himself, _I won't need to be saved by a crisis in the future._

Now that the lights were out, Ed closed his eyes, letting his other senses take care of gathering information.

"What's going on?" _That was Ron, so the redhead hasn't moved from his seat near the window._

"Ouch!" Hermione gasped. "Ron, that was my foot!" _Okay, so Ron has moved now._

Ed heard a slight scuffling sound and felt a hand land on his right leg, followed by the seat next to him sinking down. _Harry's found his way back to his seat._

There was a faint squeaking sound, before a small amount of light from the window revealed Ron wiping the glass clean and looking out.

"There's something moving out there." Ron said. Ed stiffened; if Ron couldn't tell what it was, that meant that the people (or things) weren't using a light to move. In Ed's experience, things that don't need light have less than friendly intentions. "I think they're coming aboard…"

"I'm going to go ask the driver what's going on." Hermione's voice floated out of the darkness, and Ed felt someone walk past him to the door, then heard the door itself slide open. After that came a soft thud and two squeals of surprise and pain.

"Who's that?" Hermione's voice asked.

An unfamiliar voice came from the door. "Who's _that_?" The person– it sounded like a young girl– asked.

"Ginny?" _Oh, so Hermione knows her._

"Hermione?"

"What are you doing?" Hermione asked.

"I was looking for Ron–" _She and the redhead must be related._ Ed observed. _It's not likely Ron has any sort of girlfriend yet._

"Come in and sit down." Hermione invited. Something moved in front of Ed and made to sit down.

"Not here!" Ed whispered hurriedly. " _I'm_ sitting here!"

"Who're you?" The voice of 'Ginny' asked.

"Quiet!" A hoarse voice and the slight sound of movement came from the window seat opposite Ed, so the alchemist assumed the man who had been sleeping there had finally woken up. No one spoke, and soon enough there came a soft, crackling noise accompanied by a light that illuminated most of the compartment.

It appeared as though the man in the corner– _Lupin_ , Ed thought Hermione had called him earlier– was holding a fistful of flames, lighting up his alert and wary eyes. _Yellow eyes like mine._ The observation flitted through Ed's head briefly before being stored away for future use.

"Stay where you are." The man said in the same hoarse voice as he slowly stood and moved towards the entrance to the cabin.

But the door slid open before 'Lupin' could reach it.

Standing in the entrance was a towering figure cloaked in black rags, a deep cowl completely obscuring its face from view. Ed unconsciously found himself pressing as hard as he could to the back of his seat, as if his body's natural instincts were trying to warn him.

 _Something is wrong._ He thought frantically as his heart began hammering in his chest of its own accord. _This thing_ (Ed had no doubt the figure under the hood could, in no way, constitute as human) _is wrong, no– it is evil._

Then, whatever it was drew in a rattling breath, and Ed got the feeling it was trying to draw in more from its surroundings then air. That was when the temperature in the cabin dropped, the air turning frosty in the space of a second. The automail ports on Ed's arm and leg sent blinding white daggers of pain straight to his brain as they protested the unexpected drop in temperature, and Ed had to bite his lip to keep from crying out. But the cold did more than that. It penetrated through his skin, past his chest, into his heart, and rammed full-force into his soul.

For a brief moment, the alchemist could literally _feel_ the cold stripping away his defenses, tearing at the wall he had built around the things he never wanted to remember. He had never felt so cold, never been so desperately in need of warmth. The cold kept coming– an unstoppable frost racing up his barriers.

And then it broke through.

Image after image flashed through Ed's head:

 _Alphonse's broken blood seal; the colonel losing his eyesight; old man Fu spurting blood as Bradley slashed through him; Pride controlling Alphonse; a pole going straight through Ed's stomach; Ling turning into Greed; trapped with Ling in Gluttony's stomach; Lanfan losing her arm; learning Scar killed Winry's parents; Hughes dying; the fifth lab; realizing what it took to create a philosopher's stone; Shou Tucker and Nina…_

All of the things, emotions, and guilt Ed had tried to lock away came crashing into the forefront of his mind. They flooded his brain and made him relive every single trauma that the young man had ever been through. He was dimly aware of how his hands were clutching at his head, his mouth hanging open silently as he tried to scream or somehow relieve even a fraction of the agony.

That was when the terrifying frost broke through the final barrier, and Ed's thoughts were consumed by white as his body succumbed to the pain and shock.

~~~v~~~

The first thing Ed was aware of was that someone was calling his name. No, wait– not his name.

"Harry! Come on Harry!"

"Wake up!" The voices came from a little ways away from him, and he let his consciousness grab onto the sound, using it as a handhold to pull himself out of the mental fog he had found himself in.

Blink. Small room, padded seats, rumbling movement underneath his feet. The alchemist discovered with surprise that he was still in the compartment on the Hogwarts Express– Ed was even still in his seat!

The second thing he became aware of was the lingering cold that was causing his ports to send out sharp spikes of pain. Ed grunted quietly before locking his jaw to prevent any more sound from coming out. What had happened? Why had he remembered–no, _relived_ – some of his worst experiences?

Glancing over, the alchemist could see the frizzy haired girl ( _Hermione?_ ) and two redheads ( _Most likely that 'Ginny' girl and Ron_ ) trying to wake up Harry ( _Not-Neville_ ), who had apparently collapsed on the floor. The hooded figure that had stood in the doorway only minutes before had disappeared, its invasive cold having turned to an unpleasant chill that made Ed's ports ache.

 _How long was I out?_ On the floor, Harry was stirring (If the starting interrogation from Hermione and the Carrot Tops was anything to go by). Apparently, Ed's own unconsciousness and subsequent panic had gone unnoticed by the others. The alchemist assumed he would have joined Harry on the floor had it not been for his automail locking up from the cold.

 _Good. I don't want any more questions._ A rustling drew Ed's eye back to the corner, where the previously-sleeping man was rummaging through his trunk. When the sickly-looking adult turned around, he held a large chocolate bar in hand. _What….?_

Lupin began breaking the bar into large chunks, the sound making the group on the floor turn their heads towards him.

"Here." Lupin said, passing out chunks to each of the kids. "Eat some. It'll help." He turned from the kids and held out a piece to Ed. Avoiding eye contact, the blond took it with his gloved left hand, trying hard to compose his face so that it would reveal none of the panic or agony he had felt moments before.

He held up the chocolate to the light ( _Oh, looks like they turned back on._ ), then sniffed it cautiously.

"I haven't poisoned it." Lupin said, a weary smile tugging at his lips.

Ed waved his words aside. "Don't care. Is this dark chocolate?"

"What?" The man looked surprised. "Um, no. It's milk. Why?"

"Ah, you can have it back then." Ed sighed as he held out the confectionary to Lupin. "I don't want anything to do with it."

Lupin frowned, making no move to take back the chocolate. "You should really have some. The effects of a Dementor are hard to shake, and the chocolate will help take away some of the chill in your bones. Oh," He added as a thought crossed his mind. "Are you allergic to milk?"

"Ah, I wish." Ed chuckled mirthlessly as he stared intently at the candy in his palm. "This stuff really helps?" Internally, the alchemist's mind was engaged in a fierce struggle: eat something made from opaque, white liquid secreted from a bovine, or have his automail ports ache until they reached Hogwarts. Ed gave in when he heard the sighs of content from the others as they ate their own chocolate; though, until that point, he had been leaning towards simply enduring the pain.

Gingerly, the young alchemist nibbled the corner of his piece, letting a small chunk fall onto his tongue which he quickly swallowed. He couldn't stop his face from screwing up in disgust, even though he had felt immediate warmth spread through his body as soon as he had consumed the abhorrent confection.

Ed could feeling Lupin's confused gaze lingering on him, probably trying to figure out what had caused the young man's revulsion. Without glancing up, Ed thrust the remaining chocolate back into the man's hands, willing to suffer through the much-lessened pain.

"Here. I don't need any more of that disgusting stuff."

"Are you sure?" Lupin asked, still quite confused at the alchemist's strange behavior. "The cold–"

"Is gone now. I'm fine." Ed ended the discussion by pulling out one of his research journals and sticking it pointedly in front of his face. He didn't have a problem with Lupin yet, but if the guy kept trying to get him to eat anything remotely dealing with milk…

Lupin was soon pulled away from the blond by questions from the cabin's other occupants, and Ed was left to study in silence.

 _Dementors, huh?_ He remembered a couple passages from the school books he had purchased mentioning something about the creatures, but he couldn't recall much relevant information. Edward had the vague impression that they were normally used as prison guards–or something of the like–for maximum security areas…however, that didn't really help him understand anything that had just happened.

 _Unless the old man didn't bother mentioning he was running a school for juvenile convicts._ Ed mentally grumbled.

The rest of the train ride continued without incident (or much conversation, for that matter), as everyone seemed to be mulling over what had happened. Every time his mind began wandering back to the dementor, the blond could feel the chilling frost in his bones. Ed simply pushed it all to the back of his mind, drowning out the memories by focusing on his research. He had little time to deal with emotions and past mistakes, and even less time to feel pity for himself.

 _Move forward,_ He reminded himself as the train began to slow again, this time at its correct destination. _You won't find any answers here. If my walls have been torn down, I'll just build them back up again._

Bushy hair, Not-Neville, and the Carrot tops had rushed out of the compartment with their luggage as soon as the train had stopped, and Ed followed quickly behind after retrieving his bag and damp, red coat from the overhead rack. Noticing the 'Professor' sewn onto Lupin's luggage, he gave the man a quick nod and a small,

"I'll see you later then," Before leaving the cabin himself.

Outside, the tide of students pushed and pulled at the soon-to-be professor, and it took him much longer than he had wanted to fight his way out of the crowd. Over to one side, he could see second year and up students climbing into carriages pulled by winged creatures. They were too far away to see clearly, but they looked to be some kind of horse.

 _Horses with wings…Some kind of chimera, or a magical creature?_ Ed would have to look into it later if he wanted to be on time for the opening ceremony. First, though, he needed to make it to the castle.

The alchemist ignored the carriages, choosing instead to take a shortcut through the edges of the Forbidden Forest. Far off, he could see the school's many towers and spires looming over the trees. Ed let a small grin flash across his face as he began running. It had been days since he had found the chance to get a proper workout in, and it felt good to stretch his muscles. Besides, he needed to drop his bag off at his rooms before heading to the feast, and he was confident he could make it to the castle much faster than those clunky carriages.

~~~v~~~

Ed walked briskly into his chambers and threw his bag into the large chair facing his desk, hardly out of breath after his long run. Now that he was out of sight of others, he quickly clapped his hands together, the familiar sound cutting through the silence of the room. He slapped his palms onto his red coat, letting the blue alchemical sparks flicker over the fabric and draw out any remaining moisture. Once completed, Ed tugged the trademark garment over his black jacket and checked to make sure his gloves completely covered his automail. With that, the alchemist stomped out of his rooms and into the space that would soon become his classroom.

 _Talk about living the job,_ Edward grumbled as he weaved his way back through the desks to get to the exit. _The old man just_ _had_ _to connect my classroom to my personal space. I'll have to make it clear to the students that they are not welcome in my rooms._

Edward quickly traced his way back to the Great Hall, hoping to arrive before any of the students. He had stayed in the castle less than an hour before being sent to acquire his wand, so he had met only a few members of the staff and knew even less about the layout of the huge school. This was not helped by the fact that the staircases kept moving around in a way that seemed designed solely to infuriate him. At the present, he knew the location of four places: his rooms, the Great Hall, the entrance hall, and the immediate grounds (though he wasn't sure he should even count the entrance hall or the grounds since they were directly connected to the Great Hall). Soon, he would have to find out the location of the promised library, but now?

Ed's stomach grumbled loudly as he pushed open the doors to the Great Hall.

 _Time for food._

* * *

a/n:Tune in next time to witness Ed's rage when he discovers that all of the food in Hogwarts is milk based! As the raging alchemist rampages across the Scottish countryside, what will the Ministry of Magic be able to salvage from the wreckage?...Just kidding.


	6. How to Make A First Impression

a/n: As promised: the next chapter. I'll just get right to it then.

 _Fullmetal better not be messing up his mission._ = Thought  
"You know Edward better than that, sir." = Talking in Amestrian  
Mustang jumped in his seat when Hawkeye seemingly read his mind. = Everything else

~o(0)o~ = Viewpoint change  
~~~v~~~ = Time skip

* * *

 **Chapter 6: How to Make A First Impression**

"Where did Ed go?" Harry, Ron and Hermione had begun climbing the long staircase leading up the the entrance hall, going along with the flood of students swarming into the castle to get out of the abnormally cold night. Harry craned his neck in an attempt to see over the students and catch a glimpse of a golden head bobbing through the crowd. No such luck.

"You would think a little odd-ball like him would be easy to pick out in a crowd." Ron commented, unconcerned. Harry had a feeling Ron was a little jealous of the attention Hermione had been giving the foreign blond earlier.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione asked sharply.

"Just saying: he certainly doesn't blend in with that bloody-red cloak and bleached hair. I don't think that type of style would fit in anywhere. He's a weird little bugger, that's for sure!"

"Ron!" Hermione began to scold Ron, but Harry interrupted.

"Did anyone actually see him get into one of the carriages?" He asked.

"Um, no? I wasn't really checking. Why?" Ron wondered. Hermione looked like she had caught onto Harry's train of thought.

"Oh no! Suppose he never made it to the castle! We need to look for him!" She fretted, beginning to turn around.

"But– the feast!" Ron complained.

"He has a point, Hermione." Harry reminded his friend as they passed through the gigantic front doors of Hogwarts. "We're already here, and if we go back now we're sure to be late for the feast, even if we manage to catch a ride back. Besides," Harry continued, talking more to himself. "I get the feeling Ed can probably take care of himself."

"Well… I suppose…" Hermione gave in reluctantly.

The trio walked into the crowded Great Hall. The air was filled with banners and floating candles as it was every year; though, this time the enchanted ceiling was mirroring the clouded night sky outside. Following Ron over to the Gryffindor table, the group sat in their normal spots near Neville and Ginny, with the twins a few seats down. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry could see Malfoy enthusiastically reenacting Harry's 'fainting spell' on the train for a group of Slytherins. Harry would have confronted the nasty Slytherin, but he decided finding Ed was more important than trying to stop the infamous Hogwarts rumor mill.

Harry watched the door, waiting for the red-cloaked boy to enter the hall, while Hermione peered around at the other tables to see if the blond might be there. It was starting to seem like Ed might have gotten lost after all.

"Blimey! Harry! Look up at the staff table!" Ron urged suddenly. Harry turned to find Ron pointing up to a blond figure sitting second to the end between Lupin and Snape. The shock was evident on Ron's face.

"Is that…" Harry blinked. "Ed?!"

For some reason, the golden-eyed teen was calmly chatting with Lupin up at the staff table as if nothing was out of the ordinary. _No…He couldn't possibly be–_

"Bloody 'ell!" Ron murmured in disbelief. "Don't tell me he's a teacher!"

Hermione looked up at the table with barely veiled fascination. "I knew he was an intellectual, but…Oh! I wonder what he teaches?"

"Now 'old on just a minute!" Ron objected. "You said Defense Against the Dark Arts was the only position open! Don't tell me this is going to be Lockhart all over again!"

"No one could be that bad…" Harry muttered half-heartedly, still staring at Ed. He managed to break away at Ron's comment about Lockhart long enough to look around the Great Hall. At nearly every table were girls staring at the golden, long-haired young man gesturing with gloved hands in explanation of something to Lupin. Their eyes seemed to follow every move the blond foreigner made... _Just like when Lockhart–_ "…oh, no. Please no. Ed doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would–"

"Welcome!" The voice of Albus Dumbledore carried through the hall, quieting the chattering students and drawing the gaze of what might soon become an Edward Elric fan club.

~o(0)o~

Ed could feel many sets of eyes on him as he sat at the staff table. He held back a slight shiver, the feeling eerily reminding him of Pride. Pushing the thought aside, he looked at the people sitting next to him, taking a sip from the goblet in front of him as he did so. On his left was a sallow-faced man with pale skin, greasy black hair, and charcoal eyes that seemed to look at everything as if it had personally offended him. Edward decided to make it his personal mission to get that man to smile…or completely piss him off.

 _The best part is,_ Ed decided, _I can't tell which one would be better._

On his other side, Lupin was just sitting down at the end of the long table, gazing around with an expression of joy at both the Great Hall (which Edward could understand) and the students themselves (And here Ed couldn't even begin to understand why; all the chattering they were making was starting to give him a massive headache). The man apparently noticed his staring and looked over at him. Molten gold met yellow eyes that widened with surprise. It looked like Lupin had seen a ghost.

Ed stuck out his left hand. He figured the man was trying to place where he had seen the alchemist. "I'm the new Alchemy teacher, Edward Elric. You can call me Ed. We met on the train, and it looks like we'll be working together for a while."

 _Take that Mustang! I can be sociable when I want to be!_

"Oh, right. Remus Lupin. I'll be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts." Lupin shook his hand, giving his name in an absentminded tone, the man's eyes locked onto Ed's. Not sure what he was supposed to do, but not willing back down, Ed allowed his own eyes to stare into the professor's, gold against yellow. The alchemist had noticed over his time traveling the strange effects his aurum gaze had on most people, and it seemed Lupin was no exception. The professor looked away only moments after Ed had placed the full weight of his gaze on him, the alchemist's eyes giving the impression one would drown in their liquid fire if they ventured too far into the depths.

"Did–Are–" Lupin stammered to a halt, deciding it might be better to hold his question.

"What?" Ed prompted, wondering what the man could have suddenly become so nervous about.

"Nothing. Nothing. You're eyes just surprised me; that's all." Lupin looked down the table at the Headmaster, and Ed thought he heard Lupin whisper something that sounded like, "Did he really hire another one of us?"

Before Ed could ask what _that_ was supposed to mean, the greasy haired man on his left let out a snort of disdain. Ed slowly turned to face him.

"What?" He asked flatly.

The man raised an eyebrow. "Am I to assume that the headmaster has mistakenly hired a child? Or did a student become lost and sit at the staff table instead?" He mocked lightly.

A vein ticked on Edward's forehead, and his right hand gripped his goblet tight enough that the metal began folding in on itself. _Piss him off it is._ "The old man made no mistake, as much as I wish he had. The name's Edward Elric. Who are you?" He shot the inquiry back at the man, not noticing the way Lupin's eyes were owlishly staring at the collapsed cup in Ed's hand.

"Severus Snape. Potions master and Head of Slytherin house. Tell me then; why would Dumbledore hire a boy?" The words were barely out of Snape's mouth when Ed rose angrily.

"I'm sixteen, dammit! Are you calling me short?!" The alchemist raged at the potions master, barely managing to curb his volume so as not to create a scene.

"Sixteen?" A voice behind him repeated in surprise. Ed turned to find Lupin looking at him appraisingly. "It's impressive to be teaching at that age!"

The alchemist scanned the professor's face, looking for any sign that the man was poking fun at his age or height. The man seemed genuinely impressed, however, so Edward slumped back into his seat, his argument with Snape momentarily forgotten.

"Well, I didn't exactly _want_ to be a teacher." Ed grumbled, absentmindedly twirling a piece of silverware through his fingers. "The Old Man practically dragged me here after bribing me with that huge library of his."

"You accepted a teaching position just to gain access to a library?" Lupin exclaimed. Ed's attention had been drawn away from the man when he noticed that Not-Neville (Ed had stubbornly decided to keep calling him that) and the other kids from the train were staring up at him, but the alchemist spared Lupin another remark.

"Equivalent exchange. I've signed up for worse things to access a library." He told the kind-but-sickly faced man. _I wonder what he would say if he knew that 'worse things' included joining the military?_ "Do you know why those kids are staring at me?" He gestured at the table decorated with red and gold banners that the 'train trio' were sitting at.

Whatever Lupin would have said, Ed didn't find out, for Dumbledore had just stood at center of the table, addressing the hall in his echoing voice:

"Welcome." The light from the floating candles made the headmaster's long beard glimmer as he spoke. "Before we begin…"

Ed continued fiddling with the tableware, just wanting to eat and then get away from all the noisy kids. The old man was talking about how Dementors were going to be stationed outside the school– which no one (Ed included) seemed to like. The headmaster paused as he gave the students time to consider the warning he had given them.

"On a happier note," Dumbledore began again, his tone considerably lighter as his eyes twinkled behind his spectacles. "I am happy to welcome not one, but _three_ new teachers to our ranks.

"First, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." There was scattered applause as Lupin stood from his seat and gave small wave. Admittedly, the man didn't look very impressive (with his shabby robes and weary demeanor), but he seemed to know his stuff, if the incident on the train was anything to go by.

On his other side, Ed could almost feel the death glare the potion's professor was sending at Lupin. The alchemist himself kept his features a mask of boredom, but when Remus sat back down again and looked over at Ed, he gave the man a smirk that might have passed for a grimace at any other angle.

"As for our second appointment." The headmaster continued as soon as the half-hearted applause for Lupin had petered out. "I am sorry to inform you that our previous Care of Magical Creatures teacher, Professor Kettleburn, has retired in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs." Edward snorted a laugh at that. He caught himself quickly and slapped a hand over his mouth to contain any other noises. Snape and Lupin were giving him an odd look, but no one else seemed to have noticed his outburst.

"What a wimp." Ed commented under his breath in Amestrian. "As if you couldn't find a way around missing a limb or two." Again, Dumbledore spoke before Remus could ask Ed anything about his muttering.

"However, I am glad to say his position will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid." This announcement was met with varying degrees of applause.

 _Mostly from the red and gold table._ Ed noted. Further down the staff table, a man almost as big as Major Armstrong with bushy black hair was blushing furiously as he stared at his hands. _That must be Hagrid._

"Finally, I am pleased to announce that Hogwarts will, this year, be offering a new class– a subject that has never been taught here before now. We have brought in a foreign specialist to tutor students in this most difficult subject."

Curious whispers flew around the room, and Ed groaned audibly, knowing what the old man was trying to do.

"Damn it." He cursed, sliding further down into his seat, "He's going to get people actually interested if he continues to dramatize it like that."

"Don't you want students in your class?" Lupin questioned.

"Not if they're the idiots this speech is going to attract." Ed complained. He thought he caught a small smirk from Snape with that comment, but it was gone so fast he could have imagined it.

"Please welcome Professor Edward Elric: your new Alchemy professor. Professor Elric, would you mind giving a demonstration?" When the headmaster looked back, a tick mark appeared on Ed's forehead. The old man was smirking at him!

 _Fine then. If you want a show, I'll give you a show._ On the outside however, Ed stood gracefully from his seat and strode up to where the headmaster was standing.

"Not at all, Old Man. Move." He commanded, not bothering to be polite about it. _You hire Edward Elric, you get the entire Fullmetal Alchemist– attitude included._ He didn't miss the scandalized look on many of the staff members and students' faces or the confused whispers.

Instead of paying them any heed, Ed crouched down so that he was closer to the stone floor, drawing a piece of chalk from a pocket. He thought for a brief second, trying to think of something to transmute. Something impressive would be best. After what might have seemed only a small hesitation to the watching students, Ed swept his chalk across the floor with practiced ease, creating a large, perfectly round circle in less than a second. Then the alchemist allowed his arm to move back and forth, guiding the chalk in familiar patterns and symbols while his mind went back to the time when he still needed a circle to transmute. He could have simply clapped his hands together like he would have in Amestris, but Ed didn't want any of the students wondering why he was teaching them with circles if he didn't need one himself.

The hall had gone completely silent as the young alchemist worked, though he was done in less than a minute. Edward took another few seconds to check over his calculations, and, finding no flaws, turned to face the student body.

"Alchemy." Was all he gave as explanation before once again crouching. He set his hands on the edge of the chalk circle and activated the array.

 _Be careful what you wish for, old man. I'm not cleaning any of this up._

~o)0(o~

Harry watched, just as curious as the rest of the students, as the foreign blond who was there new alchemy teacher sketched on the floor. A perfect, chalk circle full of complex lines and symbols formed on the floor in mere seconds. Harry was still trying to comprehend the fact that Ed was, in fact, a teacher.

 _He certainly didn't look old enough…_ Harry was pulled away from his thoughts when Ed stood. The boy got a good view of a strange black symbol on the back of Edward's red coat as he walked around the circle-thing on the ground. It looked vaguely like a winged serpent winding its way up a cross. The symbol was unsettling familiar, but Harry couldn't manage to place it.

The blond stopped his drawing to stare at his audience. Harry stiffened as those unnaturally golden eyes swept past him, somehow managing to both ignore him and pierce through him.

"Alchemy." Harry could hear a hint of accent in that one word, but all thoughts on trying to place it flew from his mind when Edward touched his gloved hands to the circle.

Blue lightning erupted from the lines of chalk and flew upward into the air, making everyone gasp. The floating candles were blown out as a violent wind swept through the hall, making the lightning the only source of light. Suddenly, the floor around the drawing began to move, as if pulled by the wild azure energies. Students nearest to it scrambled off their benches to get away. The stone was starting to form something in the center of the lightning, Harry noticed. All around, students were yelling in panic and surprise, and he saw several draw their wands.

Then the lightning was gone, leaving them in darkness. The sudden lack of movement and light caused the students themselves to grind to a halt. After a second that seemed to last for hours, the candle flames flickered to life. Students blinked rapidly to adjust their eyes, and looked back to where the lightning had been.

The sight they were met with made Harry's jaw drop.

There, where was once a plain, stone floor, towered an immense sculpture featuring a flock of fantastical winged creatures in flight ridden by battle-ready stone knights. The winged creatures were a mix of eagle and horse, and each feather or talon was so detailed that they truly looked alive.

Across from him, Harry heard Hermione whisper something that sounded like, "Hippogryphs." _So that's what those things are._

The knights themselves were also incredibly intricate. Their armor and weaponry seemed to be the work of a master blacksmith (though there was an occasional gaudy ogre or leering skull scattered across the statue that Harry couldn't make sense of). All in all, the scene stretched to maybe twenty feet tall and was just as wide. For some reason, the ground around the statue was had been carved away so that a huge bowl surrounded it.

The hall was eerily quiet as everyone tried to process what had just happened.

Dumbledore coughed. "That was a lovely demonstration, Professor Elric. Now, moving on," Dumbledore began again as if a giant statue of hippogryphs hadn't just appeared in front of the staff table. The only teachers now visible beyond the structure, Harry noted, were the ones on the end like Lupin and Ed.

 _…_ _When did he get back to his seat?_ Harry wondered, staring at the blond who was lounging in his chair, feet plunked uncaringly up on the table. The guy wasn't even looking at the students– instead, he looked to be mentally sparring with Professor Sprout. The woman had noticed Ed's boots on the table and was glaring at him, a look that the young man eagerly returned with the addition of a scowl.

"As this is an advance subject, only years three through seven–" The headmaster was interrupted by the sound of clapping. Soon enough, most everyone had joined in, finally over their stunned inaction at the amazing display of wandless magic. There were a few cheers here and there, and students began talking excitedly to one another.

"Blood 'el!" Ron exclaimed. "What did the runt do?!"

Harry immediately knew Edward's golden eyes were staring at him– he didn't know how, but it was like he could feel that stare boring into him. "Ron, I think you might want to stop calling him that." He warned.

"Did you see that?" Hermione asked breathlessly. "He did both non verbal _and_ wandless magic!" The wonder and admiration was clear in her voice. "I don't know if even Dumbledore can do that!"

"Is it really all that special?" Harry wondered. After all, before he came to Hogwarts, he had performed some magic– albeit accidentally– without a wand or words.

"Of course!" Hermione got that, 'Listen here while I explain a thing', look on her face. "A wizard is rarely powerful enough to do _either_ due to the enormous amount of experience and natural talent it takes. Not to mention the skill the sheer perfection of his transfiguration must have required. It was probably–"

"Ssh! Hermione, Dumbledore's starting again." Ron interrupted, and Harry suspected it was mainly to stop their friend's rambling on about their new professor rather than to focus on Dumbledore.

"Ahem. As I was saying…" Dumbledore paused and looked at the students, jokingly challenging them to interrupt again. "Since Alchemy is an advanced subject, only years three through seven will have the option of taking it." At this, there were a few disappointed groans from the first and second year students. "A sign-up sheet has been posted in each house's common room, and any who wish to take Alchemy must put down their name by next week. With that done, let the feast begin!"

* * *

a/n: Stay tuned to watch Ed discover Honeydukes's blood-flavored lollipops, subsequently buy all of them, and pranking his students to think he is a vampire by eating them in class and avoiding sunlight...Just kidding.


	7. How to Get Rid of Unwanted Students

a/n: Aaaand we're back. Many thanks go out to all of you who review and/or favorite this story. We're getting close to the end of what I had _specifically_ laid out, so after a few updates, things might begin coming out slower (just a preemptive warning). On other news, I have gotten quite a bit of positive feedback about the fake "previews" at the end of some of the chapters. These may or may not lead to an eventual mini-series featuring these ideas I wouldn't normally include in the story (reviews and requests _may_ hold some influence).

Right, before I forget: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or Harry Potter, though I am sure I could do some fun things with them if I did.

 _Testing, testing. Hawkeye can you hear my thoughts?_ = Thought  
"Is there a reason you are wasting time instead of doing paperwork, Sir?" = Talking in Amestrian  
Mustang got back to work, deciding that (psychic or not) Riza was not someone to annoy. = Everything else

~o(0)o~ = Viewpoint change  
~~~v~~~ = Time skip

* * *

 **Chapter 7: How to Get Rid of Unwanted Students**

"I had been meaning to ask you about something at the feast last night, but it slipped my mind." Ed said, without looking up from what he was doing, as soon as Remus sat down at the table for breakfast.

Surprisingly, the young alchemist had been one of the first to arrive at the Great Hall– the giant Hagrid and Professor Sprout had already been sitting at the table, eating a hurried breakfast when he had come in. Only moments after he sat down, they had gone rushing off, and Ed suspected they had first hour classes that needed some preparations yet.

 _Who would have thought that_ I _would be the one to wake up on time._ Ed had pondered as he grabbed a slice of toast. _I even showered and stretched!_

Now he was on his third slice of bread, the food hanging out of his mouth as he simultaneously flipped through the pile of text books scattered on the table around him with one hand and jotted down quick notes in his journal with the other. He had spent a few hours last night trying to figure out the scientific side of a basic transfiguration spell, and he wanted to verify a few possible theories he had come up with. And, seeing as no one else was using the staff table when he had arrived, he had taken full advantage of the free space.

The young alchemist skillfully shuffled books and papers around to clear a space for the DADA professor to sit. "Can you tell me more about these, 'Dementor' creatures?" He asked as he flipped his journal closed and bit off a corner of toast.

"What? No, 'Good morning, how did you sleep'?" Remus joked as he pulled a bowl of scrambled eggs towards him.

"Good Morning. How did you sleep?" Edward said mechanically, then continued straight on. "Now, Dementors."

"Very funny, Professor Elric." Lupin smiled as a few students began trickling into the Great Hall for Breakfast. The older professor looked over at the blond. "Sorry, but I need to rush out as soon as I'm done here. I've got to get a lesson ready before second period rolls around. I can give you a book or talk about them if you stop at my office later, though." He amended, seeing the disappointed look on the alchemist's face. The Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher took a bite of food, and then stopped when the next was only half-way up to his mouth. "Say, Elric." He started, turning back to face the young man. "Don't you need to prepare for your lessons as well?"

"Nah," Ed huffed as he opened his journal up again. "They don't start until I get the results from the sign-up sheets back, so all I'm doing today is unpacking."

"Well, after that display last night, I'm sure the attendance for your class will be through the roof."

Ed's face fell into a deep scowl. "Damn. That means I'll need to talk to the Old Man later."

"What for?" Remus's breakfast was forgotten now that the man had a chance to make actual conversation with the mysterious alchemist.

"He probably won't approve of the way I would want to teach, so I'll need to get permission to find some other way to, ah, how would you say it? 'Trim the fat'?"

"Why would you–?"

"No time for Dementors, Remus?" Ed reminded the ill-looking professor.

"Ah, right, sorry. You're right, I should probably get going." The man scooped up another couple bites of egg and snatched a piece of fruit from the only bowl on that side of the table not covered by Ed's research. "See me later for that book?"

"Deal." The blond was already engrossed in his reading by that time, and didn't even look up as Lupin said goodbye, the man beginning to hum happily in anticipation of his class.

 _That man is_ _way_ _too happy to teach these brats._ Edward thought as he fingered the wooden ring on the chain around his neck. _I wonder if someone put a 'Cheering Charm' on the poor sucker._ At that moment, Ed noticed one of the students levitating a salt shaker to himself that was just barely beyond arm's reach. The alchemist just shook his head and went back to his transfiguration notes. He decided that, unless he needed it to practice a theory (or was essential to survival), he would keep his wand stored away in its two separate pieces. _I don't want to become anywhere near as reliant on these things as the rest of these people are._

~~~v~~~

So that was how Edward Elric –Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People, etc.– ended up spending all morning unpacking his newly-purchased library. By hand. Simply because he was too stubborn to use his wand after his vow earlier that very morning.

He had to admit, however, that even though the work itself was quite tedious (book, book, bigger book, book, transmute new shelf, book…), he enjoyed being able to look through his new selection…even (especially) if it meant halting the process to occasionally glance through (read entirely) a volume (or two) that caught his eye. This lead to the simultaneous feelings of exhaustion and joy that overcame the young alchemist when he heard the lunch bell.

"You've got to be kidding me." He muttered, staring at the hundreds of books he had already shelved. "I've only just reached the halfway point!" He debated the benefits of simply staying until he was done, but those were outweighed by his need for food and the opportunity to speak with Dumbledore about his alchemy class.

 _After all,_ Ed reasoned, _I can kill two birds with one stone if the old man comes to lunch._ Now he looked down at the magic bag in his hands that still contained an enormous amount of literature. _What was that command word again? Ah, right:_

" _Vacuo_." There was a sudden flurry of movement that momentarily blinded him. When he could see again, Edward found himself surrounded by stacks of books, the occasional yard of fabric (should he need to transmute extra clothes), and scattered notes and journals. The thought of trying to organize it all now no longer seemed remotely appealing…. _yeah…let's just save this for latter._

Ed made sure to lock the door to his private rooms behind him when he left and then sauntered off in the direction he knew lead to the Great Hall. There were only a few students walking the halls –presumably most were already at lunch– but the ones whom the alchemy professor did catch sight of either whispered furiously to their companions or outright stared at him. Sure, Ed was used to attracting attention back home, but normally the attention didn't come from groups of students (try military personnel and homunculi), so he wasn't entirely sure how to deal with it. For now, he opted to just ignore them; if they wanted him to pay attention to them, they would need to speak to his face.

Altogether, it took slightly longer than normal for Ed to reach the Great Hall, as he had made the disturbing discovery that the paintings in Hogwarts _moved_ (he had been to preoccupied to notice earlier). _Just another thing to ask the old man about. How should I bring that up? I mean, 'Hey, by any chance have you decorated your castle with blood seal paintings?' probably won't cut it._

 _Al would know what to say_. Ed thought as he shoved his hands into his pockets and pointedly ignored the moving pictures. He wanted so badly to pull them off the walls and examine them for seals. _I wish he were here._

This time, when he reached the Great Hall, the doors were already open, revealing the tables of students chatting and eating with their friends. Up at the staff table sat an assorted variety of professors, but at a glance, Ed knew Dumbledore wasn't with them. The young alchemist cursed when he realized that the headmaster was probably in his office if he wasn't having lunch in the hall…and Edward had no idea where the old man's office was.

Resigning himself to asking for directions, Ed walked to the front of the hall and stepped around the massive statue still sitting in front of the staff table. _When are the wizards going to get rid of this thing?_ Now able to see the table, Ed spotted Professor McGonagall having a polite conversation with the same woman that had been glaring at him during the feast for having his feet on the table ( _Professor Sprout, was it?_ ).

"Professor McGonagall?" Ed butted in as soon as there was a pause in the two women's interaction. The transfiguration teacher looked over at him, an eyebrow raised at the rude interruption (like Ed cared). "Do you know if the old ma–" Ed caught himself, figuring he might want to reign back the disrespect if he wanted help.

"–Headmaster" He corrected, "Is in his office at the moment?"

"I believe so." The woman answered, starting to turn back to her conversation with the Herbology professor. "Was that all?"

"Um…" And now came the difficult part: admitting he needed help.

 _Aw, come on!_ Ed's inner voice begged. _It can't be_ that _hard to find one measly office, right? Don't ask her, you can do this on your own just fine!_

 _Big brother, you know you need to ask for directions._ It startled Ed just how much his conscience was starting to sound like his little brother. _You get lost even in a normal environment; it'll take you until next week to find your way around a magic castle!_

"Actually…" The blond gave in to his 'inner Al'. "Could you tell me where that might be?"

~~~v~~~

"…Cockroach Clusters?" Surprisingly, despite the ridiculous sounding password, the stone griffin that guarded the headmaster's staircase jumped out of the way as soon as Ed spoke. The blond shuddered when he thought of what 'cockroach clusters' might be. _Knowing wizards, I don't even want to ask._

After climbing a tall staircase, Ed reached a wooden door with a large brass handle. Seeing as there were no other doors and the staircase stopped there, the door must lead to Dumbledore's office. _I should probably knock…_

Before Ed could even raise his hand, the door swung inward by itself, opening into a brightly-lit room. As the alchemist stepped into the Headmaster's office, Dumbledore stood from his seat behind his desk.

"Edward." The wizard welcomed. "I've been meaning to speak with you, and here you are!"

Ed raised an eyebrow at that. "Yeah? Well, I need to talk to you about my class."

"Ah, then please take a seat." The headmaster gestured at one of the plush chairs situated in front of the large desk. "It seems as if we have much to discuss."

~o(0)o~

Dumbledore stared at his new alchemy teacher. Surely he had heard him wrong. "…You want to put your students in the Forbidden Forest for a week? With no supplies or teaching or even magic?"

The young blond nodded. "That about sums it up. Though, a deserted island would work better, but I didn't think you would have one of those on hand." He added brightly.

"Of course not!" _We may be wizards, but we can't just pull islands out of thin air._ "And no, I can't allow you to place your students in the Forbidden Forest either. What purpose could it possibly serve?"

"Purpose?" Edward chuckled. "Of course it has purpose– it would teach them how to use alchemy. That's how my brother and I learned."

"Still, I cannot see–" Dumbledore started.

"Don't worry about it." The teen interrupted. "I figured this school wouldn't let me teach the way I was taught. After all…" Here, Ed got a far away look in his golden eyes and muttered something about housewives and knives. It was an unusual combination that the headmaster didn't want to ask about. "Anyway, since you get the idea of how I would _prefer_ to teach, I think you will be more open to the ideas I have that could take the place of my teacher's methods."

"I am willing to listen." Dumbledore agreed, steepling his fingers. "So long as your methods do not _harm_ the students, I am sure we can come to an agreement."

Elric sat silently for a few seconds, obviously thinking about what he would say. After a short time, the alchemist looked up at Dumbledore, golden eyes firm. "If I am going to be able to teach these kids, then we need to come to an understanding. One;" The blond held up a finger. "No one is allowed it interfere with the way I teach or try to usurp my authority. Believe it or not, I _do_ know what I am doing, and I do not want misguided staff members sticking their noses into my business."

"Of course. That is the precedent for all classes taught here." Dumbledore replied. "Though, if the students are in danger I will have to intervene." With anyone else, Albus wouldn't have thought it necessary to add that last bit. However, after hearing the alchemist's preferred method of teaching, the headmaster wasn't quite willing to let the seemingly obvious statement go unsaid.

Edward nodded slightly. "If it ever comes to that I would completely understand. That leads us to my next point. Two;" He held up another finger. "I will do my best to keep the students safe, and I need you to give me permission to do so."

The ancient wizard was slightly confused. "Permission to keep them safe? Why would you even need to ask?"

"Alchemy is dangerous. I need to be able to kick a student out of my class if I believe they are not suited to it." The blond leaned forward, putting his hands on the desk in front of him. "I need my word to be the final say. No questioning. No arguing. I refuse to teach those who will be dangers to themselves and to others."

Dumbledore hesitated before replying. "That is understandable." He relented. "What will happen to the students unfit for the class?"

Edward put his hands in the air. "That's for you to decide. I just don't want them coming back to my class."

The headmaster nodded. "I'm sure we can find something for them to do." He looked at the alchemist, who had sat back in his chair again. "Was there anything else you wanted to request?"

"Yeah." The teen crossed his arms. "Three; I don't want you or anyone else looking into my personal history. As an officer of Amestris, there is information that I am not permitted to share, along with the right to keep some personal information private. I expect you and the other members of staff to respect my orders and right to privacy."

Admittedly, that made Albus all the more curious about the young alchemist. "We do not really know you all that well." He began, looking for a way around the blond's request. "Surely we can ask a few questions?"

Edward sighed. "If you ask, I will answer what I can. Anything that could be considered classified will have to be run through my superior first." The teen looked up at the older wizard. "Mustang should have told you enough about me before this mission started."

"Ah, yes. The mission." Dumbledore said. He wanted to ask his new alchemy professor more– especially pertaining his golden eyes– but Edward's tone made it clear he wasn't going to be giving out information anytime soon. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Tell me," Albus began. "Have you heard of Harry Potter?"

~o(0)o~

Ed ran through the facts in his head. _Alright: an evil wizard with a ridiculous name was killed several years ago when he tried to murder a baby. Said baby is named Harry Potter, who now goes to this school. The evil wizard's minions are constantly trying to off the Potter kid, and now one of them has gone so far as to break out of prison to get revenge. The escapee's name is Sirius Black and it is highly likely he's going to show up at Hogwarts sooner or later._

"So you want me to protect the Potter kid while keeping an eye out for Black?" Ed summarized. The mission seemed so simple!

"Yes, but do try to be discreet about it. Having you come in as the new alchemy professor allows you to both teach and provide protection, so it would be a shame to blow your cover." The old man stroked his beard with one hand. "I would have asked you to come as a student to protect young Harry, but I couldn't pass up the chance to let our students learn alchemy, now could I."

Ed bristled slightly at the headmaster's words. _Even if he didn't go outright and say it…_ "I may be younger than any of the staff, but I was sent here despite my age." The alchemist was going to make it clear right off the bat what he required. "I expect to be treated as you would treat anyone else doing this mission. That means no secrets. If I am going to be any help I will need to be informed of everything."

Dumbledore looked at Ed for a long while, head cocked, saying nothing. Finally, the old man stood and held out a hand. "Then I believe we have reached an understanding, Professor Elric."

The alchemist hesitated for a moment, right hand half extended towards Dumbledore. Then Ed brought the hand up into a sharp salute, trying hard not to let his face show his mistake. "I believe we have, Old Man." _What was I thinking? I almost shook with my automail._

The headmaster chuckled lightly at the teen's stubborn rude streak. Hands spread slightly, Dumbledore gestured around the spacious office. "Welcome to Hogwarts."

~o(0)o~

Try as he might, the headmaster couldn't get the alchemist's golden eyes out of his thoughts. As soon as Edward left the office, Dumbledore pulled out his wand. With a small flourish of the magical tool, a sheet of parchment was laid out on his desk. Another flick, and an ink pot and quill sat beside it. After taking a moment to think, the wizard began writing.

 _Colonel Mustang,_

 _I am writing to you in concern for the State Alchemist, Edward Elric, you have assigned to my charge. As it seems he is either unwilling or unable to divulge any personal information without permission, I thought it best to write to you about my concerns._

 _I have full confidence in Edward's abilities and trust your judgement in sending him to Hogwarts, but I must ask if he has any problems or conditions. I am concerned that he may be different than most people I have encountered, and that this difference may make him a danger to the students._

Albus paused, trying to phrase his question in such a way as to be discreet.

 _Has Edward ever been in an accident? One that may have changed him? If so, there may be things we can do to help._

Dumbledore scribbled down a quick farewell and then summoned Fawkes to deliver the letter.

If things were as the headmaster feared, Roy would understand the message for what it was: _Is Edward Elric a werewolf?_

~o)0(o~

On hindsight, it might not have been the best idea for Ed to go for the 'shock and awe' approach: nearly every student in years three through seven had signed up for his class.

 _At least the old man gave me permission to kick out students if they, *cough* don't meet my 'standards'._ The blond recalled as he read through the long sheets of parchment that listed the names of his students for the next day's class. _It's a shame he won't let me whittle the numbers down using some of Teacher's methods._

He gave up mid-way through the list of Ravenclaw applicants. He was fairly sure a good portion of the children on the list were in first and second year– there simply couldn't be that many third through seventh year students in one house.

"Urg…" Ed moaned as he set the papers on his desk and then allowed his head to flop onto them in exhaustion. "Will they even all fit in my classroom?" He wondered absently, looking around the room. With unpacking and then preparing for his class, the alchemist hadn't had the time to locate the much vaunted Hogwarts library. Sure, he might have skimmed through a couple dozen of the texts he had bought (he still hadn't managed to completely organize his new library), but he hadn't been able to do much actual research. His grumbling was put on hold when someone knocked on his door.

"It's unlocked." Ed supplied. _Hmm…if I had been in my office I wouldn't have heard the door._ The alchemist thought as Lupin opened the door and stepped into the yet-to-be Alchemy classroom. _I should probably transmute another entrance that connects my office to the corridor._

"Remus." Ed greeted, sitting up in his chair. "Did you need something?"

Somehow, the man was managing to look both exhausted and happy at the same time. "Em– are you alright?" The alchemist asked hesitantly. "Do you need to sit down?" He motioned at a chair.

"What? Oh, yes. I'm perfectly fine." The man said as he took the offered seat.

"Then why do you look like you pulled a couple all-nighters and then had a gallon of caffeine?" _I wonder if that's what actually happened._

"Really?" Lupin looked himself over. "I suppose I do." He admitted, and then explained, "I just finished teaching my first lesson to all seven years, and it seems like they might think I'm actually competent." He finished excitedly.

"That's something to be happy about?" Ed wondered. He waved the sign-up sheets in front of the other man's face. "I'm almost hoping some of them hate me just so that I don't have to teach them all! Anyway, what are you here for?"

"Right." The man still looked annoyingly happy, but he reached down and pulled a book from his bag, setting it in front of the young alchemist. "You didn't stop by my office last night for this, so I thought I would bring it here."

" _Entities_ _of the Darkness_." Edward read aloud, examining the matte black cover and binding.

"If you wanted to research dementors, this text is pretty much as good as you could ask for." Lupin supplied, gesturing at the thick tome. "You won't find it in the library here, unless perhaps you search through the Restricted Section, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to give you my own copy."

"…Thank you." The blond said cautiously. _What does he want?_ In Ed's experience, people hardly ever did something like that without looking for something in return. _What would be the equivalent value for this book?_ Not one to mince words, the alchemist charged in. "What do you want in return?"

The other man looked confused. "What? Nothing; I'm just loaning you a book."

"Ah, but this book is a rare find if the library here does not possess it." Ed said, remembering what Mustang had told him about this castle containing the largest collection of magical texts in the world. "Equivalent exchange; how can I repay my debt to you?"

"It's just a favor. I can't ask you to–"

"Equivalent exchange. Now that you have given me this, I need to restore the balance." The alchemist thought for a moment, studying Lupin's expression of confusion. _I might as well suggest something. It looks as if he doesn't understand the concept of equivalence at all._ "How about knowledge for knowledge? Is there anything you want to know?"

"Well, that does sound reasonable…" The DADA teacher thought for a moment before looking up. "Why are your eyes golden?" His tone was surprisingly serious for the seemingly random question, even with the underlying current of nervousness Ed detected underneath. _That's suspicious._ Still, it wasn't as if giving the answer to that particular question would give away anything the alchemist was trying to keep hidden.

"Genetics." When he saw the glazed-over look of Remus's eyes, the blond elaborated. "You know: naturally. My father had golden eyes, so my brother and I inherited them from him. How else would I have them? Do wizards have a spell that lets you change eye color?" It was meant as a joke, but Remus nodded, to Ed's surprise.

"Something like that, yes." The shabbily robed man looked relieved at the alchemist's answer. Before Edward was able to ask about the strange reaction, Lupin continued.

"Alright. What spell did you use on the transfiguration in the Great Hall to make it permanent?"

Ed snorted. "These are the things you want to know? The answer is easy: nothing." The blond wiggled his fingers in the air in imitation of power. "I didn't use any spell. Just alchemy. Turns out neither vanishing nor transfigurations work on alchemical transmutations. I should investigate that…" _Transmuting just rearranges the molecules, so it shouldn't be any different from an untransmuted object element-wise. Could it have something to do with a residual alchemical signature? And does it negate all spells aimed at it, or just ones trying to undo the transmutation? If_ –

"Professor Elric." Lupin was waving a hand in front of Ed's face. The alchemist jerked back in surprise. "Sorry. What were you thinking about?"

"I was trying to understand the properties that would have made my transmutation irreversible by magic."

"And you didn't use a spell?"

"No. Alchemy is science. It has nothing to do with magic. Every element of the process can be proven and explained unlike all that hocus-pocus they promote around here."

Remus blinked. "Interesting. To think science could do something so similar to magic. That must be why Dumbledore wanted it taught here." The man sat up suddenly. "That reminds me; I had something else I wanted to ask you."

Ed straightened. What was the man going to ask? Hopefully nothing Ed wouldn't be able to answer; though, the man may have some… _interesting_ …questions if he had noticed the way the alchemist had been acting around the dementors on the train.

"At breakfast the other day and when I just now came in, why did you say you wanted to trim down the number of students?"

The blond's eyes widened. "That's all you want me to tell you?" When Remus nodded, Ed chuckled lightly, relaxing back in his seat. "That's easy: I would hate to teach a crap ton of kids if less than half of them are able to actually _do_ alchemy."

Remus frowned. "But if alchemy is a science, anyone should be able to use it, right?"

"Sure. In theory, that's true; however, one has to have a certain mentality to be able to use alchemy to its full potential without harming themselves. It would be criminal to let a student learn alchemy if they don't possess the right attitude."

"What do you mean?"

"One mistake in calculations; one misunderstanding of a concept; one second of hesitation, doubt, or overconfidence– any one of those could lead to an alchemist losing his life." As he spoke, Ed unconsciously rubbed his right arm. "I'm not willing to give a student knowledge of something like that if it could only serve to get him hurt."

"If alchemy is really that dangerous, why would you teach it?!" Lupin asked.

"Anything worth learning could be considered 'dangerous,' and alchemy can be a useful in many cases." The teen argued. "As for why teach it here? Ask Dumbledore; your guess is as good as mine." Ed decided not to mention the fact that he had a secondary job to protect the Harry Potter kid. That would only lead to more questions he didn't want to answer, and it was getting late.

"Maybe I will." Lupin agreed. "Well, I should probably let you get back to your preparations– hey, you weren't at dinner tonight."

The young alchemist gestured at the papers on front of him. "Preparing for the oncoming horde."

"You should head down to the kitchens, then. The house-elves there would be more than happy to get you something to eat in your rooms."

The older professor left Ed to his work soon after giving his colleague directions to the kitchens. The blond sighed as the door to his classroom closed. He really did need to eat something. With all of the students in his class, he had spent the better part of the day preparing, meaning he skipped every meal since breakfast. The alchemist wondered absentmindedly if he could get the house-elves to deliver…

* * *

a/n: Tune in next time for Ed having to stay at the Shrieking Shack over the summer. Luckily, he makes the best of is by purposely creating mysterious noises, strange lights, and fleeting shadows that scare the crap out of the people living in Hogsmead. When a team of Aurors come to investigate, how will they fare against the Fullmetal Alchemist's House of Horrors?... Just kidding.


	8. How to Get Respect from Twins

a/n: My computer is back! I had a momentary freak out when my writing program seemed to have disappeared, but not to worry: I am simply bad with technology and couldn't find it. Many thanks to all who reviewed, and– OH MY IS THAT OVER 100 FAVORITES? You guys are amazing. Here is the chapter I wrote while my normal computer was being patched up. I'll try to update as soon as I get done with the chapters. There are so many ideas I have yet to explore!

 _Did I just hear Mustang?_ = Thought  
"Brother? Is something wrong?" = Talking in Amestrian  
Ed shook his head and continued researching. Funny, he could have sworn he heard the colonel talking. = Everything else

~o(0)o~ = Viewpoint change

~~~v~~~ = Time skip

* * *

 **Chapter 8: How to Get Respect from Twins**

"What classes have we got today, Harry?" Ron asked, rubbing his eyes blearily as he sat down for breakfast. Harry yawned in sympathy. They had both been up late copying Hermione's notes for a potion's paper that was due next class.

 _How in the world did she manage to take so many notes?_ Harry had wondered, seeing as he himself had written only a small paragraph that was word-for-word what Snape had said. _It's like she can_ hear _in between the lines!_

"Don't tell me you've forgotten already." Hermione exclaimed, closing the thick book she had been reading. "Today's our first Alchemy class!"

Both boys snapped awake at that, turning to look at where, until yesterday, the incredible statue Professor Elric created had stood. Apparently, none of the spells or charms the other teachers had used had been able to affect it and Dumbledore himself had to use some sort of special conjuration to get the statue out of the Great Hall. Harry and the others had seen it several times while going to Herbology, as it now sat in the middle of the grounds. Dumbledore seemed to be content to leave it there and no one could argue against it, for even once it had been moved, no one could vanish it (This had made Hermione mumble something about 'irreversible transfigurations' and how they were supposed to be impossible).

The trio, along with nearly everyone they knew, had been excitedly talking (for some girls, more like _fantasizing_ ) about the new class all week. No one had seen much of the golden-haired professor, and several rumors had sprung up that he had kept himself locked away in his room preparing for his class or that he had simply run away.

 _I've seen him in the halls a couple times, though._ Harry thought. _So that rumor can't be completely true._

"Why are you reading that book before we even start class?" Ron asked incredulously. Harry, noting the book Hermione had been reading– _Standards of Alchemy–_ had to agree with his friend.

"Do you really think Ed would expect us to know it all before we get there?" Harry reasoned.

Hermione looked at the thick book in her hands. It was quite old, and she had found it covered in dust at the back of the library. "Maybe not…" She admitted. "But it doesn't hurt to be prepared! Professor Dumbledore _did_ say that Alchemy was an advanced class. I don't want it all going over my head!"

Ron snorted doubtfully. "As if that's possible. I doubt the shrimp could teach anything that could get over _your_ head, Hermione."

"Ron…" Harry had felt that familiar, spine-chilling sensation as soon as Ron had insulted Ed's height. He glanced hurriedly around the hall, but the golden-eyed young man wasn't anywhere in the room. _Must just be my nerves._

~o(0)o~

Across the castle, Ed suddenly sneezed. He found himself glaring at the staircase he had been walking down. The alchemist had the sneaking suspicion that someone had called him short…

~o(0)o~

"Do you think we'll–" The trio's conversation was interrupted by a familiar voice behind Harry that made the Boy-Who-Lived (and hated that nickname) groan.

"Trying to make some money for your family, Weasley?" Draco sneered. "I bet you think the new professor's going to let you get away with making free gold."

"Surely you don't think that a muggle-loving idiot is smart enough to do that, right Draco?" The sickly-sweet voice of Pansy Parkinson purred from behind Crabbe and Goyle.

"You don't know a thing, Pansy." Hermione scoffed. "If someone tries hard enough, they can–"

"A Mudblood like you, Granger, won't make it far either." Malfoy grinned evilly. "Didn't you see the power in that alchemy display? He must be from a long line of wizards– after all, only a Pureblood could command such power."

Harry had to physically wrestle Ron back onto the bench when his friend went to lunge at Malfoy for his insult to Hermione, though he himself wanted nothing more than to punch the git in the face.

"Mr. Malfoy. Is there a reason you're hanging around the Gryffindor table?" The stern face of Professor McGonagall was like a godsend for the trio, but the Slytherins stiffened in surprise.

"Ah, Professor. We were…" Malfoy looked at Crabbe and Goyle hopefully, but the two brutes just stared between their boss and the transfiguration teacher.

"Talking about the new Alchemy class!" Pansy supplied nervously. "Um, but, we, uh, have to go now because…"

"Goyle forgot his textbooks back in the common room!" Malfoy finished. All four Slytherins were avoiding McGonagall's gaze. Harry had a hard time stifling his laughter at seeing the bullies scramble for an excuse. By the looks on their faces, Ron and Hermione found it just as amusing.

McGonagall inspected each of them in turn, but finally waved them away. "You better hurry, then." She said dismissively. "You wouldn't want to be late for the first class of the day."

The bullies walked stiffly away, obviously trying hard not to simply run out of the Great Hall. Ron pulled out his wand and gestured at the retreating figures.

"What do you say I jinx 'em?" He grinned at Harry.

"Ahem." The slight cough was all it took for the redhead to shove the stick back into his robes and mutter a belated,

"Right. Sorry, Professor McGonagall." Though, as soon as the transfiguration teacher had moved a safe distance away, Ron turned back to Hermione eagerly. "What did the git mean, 'make some money'?" He asked. "Can alchemy do that?"

The girl gave an exaggerated sigh, even though she was clearly happy to be able to talk about her new favorite subject. " _Ronald_ , do you even _remember_ our first year?" She asked back.

"The Philosopher's Stone?" Harry guessed.

Hermione nodded. "Remember how that book we found said the Philosopher's Stone was the ultimate goal of all alchemy: able to turn lead to gold and make an elixir of eternal life?" She reminded them.

"Oh, right, that." Ron said lamely, obviously not remembering that at all. "So we're going to learn how to make gold? Blimey, I wouldn't mind knowing that!"

"Well, I doubt we could actually manage it since it would take a Philosopher's stone." Hermione said thoughtfully. "I guess we'll just have to ask about it when we have class."

"Speaking of which." Harry decided he would try one more time. "How is it that you can even take Alchemy? I thought you had Muggle Studies after Potions, but that's when third-year Alchemy is."

"Oh, right!" Hermione said, her tone a little forced. "We better hurry if we want to make it to our first class on time!" She avoided the question as she grabbed the alchemy books and exited the hall (in much if the same manner as the Slytherin's before her). Harry wondered what his friend was hiding from him, but he knew she probably wouldn't be able to keep avoiding the topic for much longer, so he let it go. They _did_ need to be heading to class.

~~~v~~~

Ten minutes before alchemy class started found the third-years (including the trio) waiting in the corridor in front of their new classroom. Or, at least what they thought was there new classroom.

"Blimey, if this is what the door is like, what do you s'pose the class'll be like?" Ron wondered. Harry and Hermione had to agree with him.

Where would normally be a large wooden door (as was standard for most of the classrooms) loomed an enormous double-door portal made of intricately detailed stone. The gothic-style carvings displayed leering gargoyles, ogres, skulls, and twisting spikes that centered around the horns of a stone bull for handles. It was extremely gaudy even for wizardly standards. The minutes went on, and Harry noticed that no one was going within five feet of the gothic entrance. It was so unexpected and intimidating that the boy wondered if anyone had even tried the door to see if it was unlocked.

All of the students jumped when the school clock suddenly chimed, marking the end of the passing period. Still, the door didn't open or give away any intent to ever do so. The kids began whispering within their houses, and Harry heard several people wondering if the teacher was inside, if this was even the right classroom, or if the rumors were true and their new professor had run away.

"Well? Are you ever going to open the door, or am I going to have to mark you all as absent?" A loud voice called out from behind the massive doors, and again, all of the students jumped. A few closest to the 'handles' hesitantly grasped them and pushed. Everyone was surprised when, instead of struggling with the weight of the stone, the kids actually had to catch themselves from falling on their faces, meeting hardly any resistance to their efforts.

In a rush, the mass of third-years entered the alchemy classroom, gazing around at the room beyond the extravagant doors. Harry was mildly surprised when he saw the room.

Neat rows of wooden school desks sat in four wedges. These were then arranged in a semi-circle around a slightly raised central teaching area that displayed a desk and large chalkboard. Light streamed through the large, arched window that took up most of the back wall and was supplemented by the smaller windows nestled three-fourths of the way up the high-arching ceiling, directly parallel with the presently unlit candelabras. On each of the other walls were large expanses of blackboard. Even with the stone walls and cathedral-like architecture, the room had a friendly vibe and energy to it that was in direct contrast to the tone presented by the front doors.

Each house naturally claimed one of the four desk wedges as its own (for some reason, all of the third-years had been placed in the same class period), and the trio claimed three of the desks nearest to what they assumed was the teacher's platform.

 _Wait, where_ is _our teacher?_ Harry wondered. He, like most everyone, had been so busy gazing around the room that he had forgotten about the professor. The whispers started again, but before the volume rose too much, the doors to the classroom slammed shut.

Heads whipped around to find the blond-haired professor striding up the central aisle, having just closed the gothic doors. Red cloak fanning out behind him, combat boots thudding against the stone floor, the young man that Harry had once thought to be young enough to be a student strode up to the blackboard. Without a word, the gloved professor pulled out a piece of chalk from an inner pocket of his black jacket and wrote two words on the dark slate: Professor Elric.

The blond placed the chalk on the desk in front of him and turned to face the hushed students, golden eyes gleaming. Harry could have sworn he was able to hear the female students blush.

 _He certainly knows how to make an impression._ Harry noted. _But then, so did Lockhart. And…Why isn't he wearing robes?_

"My name is Edward Elric, and I am going to be your alchemy teacher this year. Right now, it might seem crowded having all of the houses share the same class. However; know now that the majority of you will not be taking this class by the end of the month, and for those who survi– I mean – _stay_ , this will not be a walk in the park." The almost malicious grin that tugged at the corners of Professor Elric's mouth after his little 'slip-up' made Harry amend his previous thought immediately.

 _Nope. Not like Lockhart. Not at all._

~o)0(o~

Edward watched as the students finally entered his classroom. _Hadn't any of them even thought to try the door?_

He noticed that the students sat themselves with others wearing the same colored ties and crests; red and gold with their like, green and silver with theirs, and so on. He remembered Remus saying something about the kids being assigned to houses based on their personalities, and made a mental note to see which house would be more 'attuned' to learning alchemy. When the last of the students took a seat, Ed poked his head into the hallway. Seeing as no one was left, he pushed the huge doors closed with a bang. He smiled inwardly as he saw the kids jump at the noise and turn to look at him.

 _Let's see how many of these brats can handle an alchemy class._ He thought as he strode towards his main chalkboard. Once there, he grabbed a piece of chalk and wrote his name on the board using his left hand.

None of the students made a peep as he turned to face them, soaking in the crowd of children. He noticed the trio of kids from the train were seated at the front of the red and gold section. _Might as well start._

"My name is Edward Elric, and I am going to be your alchemy teacher this year. Right now, it might seem crowded having all of the houses share the same class. However; know now that the majority of you will not be taking this class by the end of the month, and for those who survi–" Edward had to correct himself, momentarily forgetting that the old man hadn't given him permission to use all of Teacher's methods. He grinned at the thought of how much fun that could have been. "–I mean– _stay_ , this will not be a walk in the park." Many kids looked shifted anxiously at his words, while others looked excited. _That's the spirit._ He silently congratulated.

"Now, alchemy is the science of understanding, deconstructing, and reconstructing matter. Some of you may have heard that it is used to create gold or gain immortality…" The alchemist opted to quickly squash the eager gleam in a few students' eyes. "…and you would be wrong."

A unanimous "Awwwww." of disappointment came from the class.

"This class will not be the same as the others here at this school." The blond continued, walking to the front of his desk and crossing his arms. "As a teacher, I reserve the right to kick you out of this room if I so wish. If I feel you are not suited to learning alchemy… you're out." Now the scared look was back on their faces. _Hmm, you know, teaching might not be all that bad._

 _"_ However, there will only be three major rules of this classroom, and for that, I expect all of you to follow them if you do not wish to fail this class. Break one, and I will personally toss you out of my class."

A student from the blue section raised his hand. "But Professor, what if–"

"Don't worry. There is no way you could break one of these rules by accident, if that was what you were going to ask." Ed said, and the kid put his hand back down. "Listen up! First: do not create gold. Second: never do alchemy outside of this classroom unless I have given you my _express_ permission. Third: respect authority."

Though Edward had thought about including a stipulation against human transmutation, he had decided against it. _If they don't know about it, they can't do it._ The young professor reasoned.

"Can anyone tell me the reason for this first rule?" Ed was mildly surprised when a hand immediately shot up in the red and gold section. He nodded at her to go ahead.

"Well, I imagine, Sir," The bushy-haired girl ( _Her name was Hermione, right? Hermione…Anger? Ranger? Granger? That one sounds right_ ) began. "That if people began creating gold whenever they wanted, the value of gold itself would go down, leading to economic instability."

"That is correct. Gold is valuable because of its rarity. If you created gold for wealth it would, ironically, soon become worthless. Five points to the red house." Edward awarded, remembering that Remus had said something about giving out points for good work.

"Gryffindor, Sir." Hermione corrected politely.

"Sure, whatever. Anyway, rule number two is for your safety." If the students had thought the young professor had looked serious before, it paled in comparison to the look he wore now. "Alchemy can be extremely dangerous. The slightest mistake in what you are doing could lead to disastrous consequences if someone isn't there to help you. There will be no alchemy outside of my class. If I catch anyone breaking this rule, I will see to it that they are never in this class again…Got that?" They nodded quickly. "Good."

Edward turned away from them and erased his name from the chalkboard. He was picking up his chalk to write something new when someone spoke up behind him.

"Um, Professor Elric? What about rule three?" The chalk froze midway in the air. The students watched as their new professor slowly turned around. The professor's expression was a vast change from his previous one; instead of grim and serious, Ed's face held a grin. Though it was small, it made everyone shiver– the expression was eerily similar to the one the Weasley twins wore before playing a particularly evil prank.

"Name?" Ed asked the kid.

"Um, s-Seamus. Seamus Finnigan." Seamus was regretting speaking up now that Ed's golden eyes were trained on him.

"Ah, well, Mr. Finnigan. I'll give you rule number three in a nutshell: here, my word is law. I will allow you to question everything in this class– in fact, I _expect_ it. I want you to _know_ alchemy and not simply _learn_ about it." Ed waved his hands around in a vague gesture of 'learning,' before turning back to Semus. "However, undermining my authority or disrespecting Alchemy and the rules I have put in place will not be accepted. I will give an answer to your questions, but you must be willing to accept that answer." By now, his face had returned to being serious; though it was less deadly like before and more firm. "This rule goes along with my decisions on whether or not a student is fit to take this class. Do you all understand these rules?"

Seeing the sea of bobbing heads, the alchemist turned back to the chalkboard and flipped it over to the other side. On it, was scrawled several words.

One is All; All is One

"This is the last thing you will need to know for today and the most important thing in all of alchemy. Can anyone tell me the answer to this riddle?" The students looked intently at the words, but no hands were raised. "Alright then– consider this your first test!"

Exclamations of surprise and outrage sprang up around the room, and more than a few hands shot up. Ed raised his hands in a disarming gesture, patting the air to get the students quiet again. "Let me explain. The time limit is the end of this month. Have the answer for me by then, and you can continue with my class. If not, this period will turn into a study hall in the library for you until you can find another elective. Any questions?"

More hands. The young alchemist pointed at a familiar shock of black hair. "Not-Neville, what are you unclear on?"

Heads turned to stare at Harry as the kid lowered his hand with an embarrassed flush. "What happens if we think we have the answer, but at the end of the month it turns out we were wrong?"

"Good point." Ed admitted, but he had thought of that already. "If any of you think you have the answer, you can tell it to me any time. If you get it right, I'll write your name down; wrong, and you can try again as many times as you want until the month is over." Ed pointed to a platinum blond in the center of the green and black students. "Yes?"

"What's so important about a riddle?" The kid questioned haughtily, his tone making Ed bristle.

"This riddle represents the basis of all alchemy. If you learn the answer, you are capable of performing alchemy and therefore not a _complete_ waste of my time to teach."

"Why can't you just tell us the answer?"

"To learn this lesson you must find the answer yourself. I'm not able to teach it to you, and if I did, it would only hinder your ability as an alchemist." The young professor answered as calmly as he could. He was not used to having _children_ questioning every word he said. Now that he looked closer, Ed recognized the kid as the Malfoy brat from the train, which only made the alchemist's dislike for the boy grow.

"Why is that?"

 _If he keeps this up, I don't know how long it'll be until he gets a metal fist to the face._ Instead of listening to his internal advice, Ed folded his arms across his chest and gritted his teeth. _I would never hear the end of it from Mustang if I was fired after only one class._ "You'll just have to find that out _on your own_ , Mr. Malfoy. Now, If there are no other important questions," Ed pointedly ignored the hands still in the air. "Then you have the rest of the class to think over the riddle."

~~~v~~~

The classes following the third-years went much the same as the first: packed class, fundamental misunderstanding of the purpose of alchemy, and doubts about the credibility of their first assignment. _Just one more class and it's the weekend. Just one more._ The blond had never been so sympathetic for his old elementary teacher. By the time Ed's last class– the fifth-years– wandered into their seats, the alchemist had his opening lesson down to a science.

Unfortunately, Ed was unaware of the fact that an unforeseen variable had just walked into the equation: the Weasley twins had signed up for Alchemy.

So when Ed spotted two students in the center of the red and gold section wearing t-shirts and jeans– a sharp contrast to their black-robed peers– he took special note of the smug grins on their identical faces. _Twins. Red hair…are they related to that that other Weasley in third-year?_ With a glance down at the attendance list, the blond picked out two names: Fred and George Weasley. _Now which one is which?_

"My name is Edward Elric and I will be your alchemy teacher this year. You all elected to join this class, so I will not hear any complaining about my rules or the way I do things. Dumbledore has given me permission to throw out anyone I don't think should be taking this class, so consider that before you try anything."

All eyes turned to the twins. The pair leaned back in their seats and put their hands behind their heads in perfect unison as Ed watched.

"Why Professor–" The one on the right started.

"–You wouldn't be talking–" The other one spoke.

"–About us–" aaaaand back to the other kid.

"–Now would you?" 'Lefty' finished. By their fearless grins, the young professor knew they had something planned.

"Names?"

"We're Fred and George." The siblings said in unison. "We do hope you can tell us apart." _There it is. They think I won't be able to see the difference._

"The one on the right is Fred, and you on the left? You're George." Ed stated without hesitation. His only clue had been the way they emphasized their voices, but after dealing with shape-changers like Envy? Telling two voices apart was nothing.

Everyone in the room stared at the professor, shocked. The twins shared a glance. No one had ever been able to tell them apart. It had to be a fluke. They would test him again later.

"Would either of you care to explain your disregard for the school uniform?" The young professor asked, crossing his arms in front of him.

"Ah, but Professor–"

"–why should we have to wear the uniform–"

"–when you don't?" The pair questioned in superior tones, identical impish grins stretched wide. Ed threw the expression back at them.

"I'll see you after class. Ten points each from Gryffindor." All of the students in the red and gold section groaned and a few glares were sent towards the Weasleys.

"But Professor–" Fred started to object. They had thought that the point was perfectly valid and at least deserved some consideration, but the new Alchemy teacher hadn't even paused before dealing out punishment.

"After class." Ed cut him off. The alchemist turned back to the board and began his introduction again.

~~~v~~~

Most of the fifth-years had already heard from the other classes about the riddle he had given them, so there were hardly any questions. This meant that Edward was able to give them a good fifteen minutes of class time to try and puzzle it out. He decided he would also open up this time to questions. Bad idea.

"How old are you?" A blue and bronze girl had asked that one.

"Not important." Ed replied, thinking that would be the end of it. Apparently not.

"You don't look old enough to be a professor." One of the students from the green section commented. A vein throbbed in the alchemist's forehead. That comment had bordered the fine line of a 'short' comment.

"My age doesn't matter. I'm fully qualified to teach alchemy to you brats." *Insert small gasps from the students unused to a teaching talking about them like that* "I would have been more than capable when I was twelve, and I am probably over-qualified for the job now that I'm sixteen."

"Sixteen!" Most of the students were stunned and looked at their new professor incredulously. There were more than a few murmurs of, "That means he's only a year older than us!"

"Like I said; I shouldn't matter!" Ed barked out above the furious whispering, effectively shutting up the class. "Good. Now let's talk about something that's actually relevant."

"Professor?" A boy from the yellow section raised his hand. "Why are the doors to your class so…um…weird." Yet another comment that was toeing the line of insulting Edward's style.

"I came to my classroom after breakfast this morning to find the original wooden door had disappeared, so I made a new one." Ed explained simply.

"How did you do that?" A red student asked.

Ed looked at him, his expression making it obvious he thought the kid should have already known the answer. "What do you think? Alchemy."

"But why is it so…?" The student trailed off.

"Tacky." A girl from the green section supplied.

"Are you saying you can't appreciate my sense of style?" Edward challenged, one eyebrow raised. His dangerous expression dared the students to say something. When no one answered, Ed leaned back in his desk, satisfied, and pulled out his silver pocket watch. "Class is over. You're dismissed."

As students began filing out of the room, Ed called out again. "Fred. George. You're with me, remember?" The twins froze, one foot already out the door. Apparently, their attempts to give their professor the slip hadn't worked. Slowly, they made their way up to the alchemist's desk.

The blond waited until the last of the students had left and the large doors had closed to speak. "Ten points each to Gryffindor."

The twins's eyes widened comically, and they looked at each other in surprise. For once, the infamous duo didn't know what to say.

Ed laughed. "What? You seriously thought I would take away points for not wearing those ridiculous tents you call robes?"

"Professor?" Fred asked, not entirely sure what the blond was getting at nor confident that they had been let off the hook.

"Listen." Ed leaned forward, spreading his hands in a gesture of acceptance. "Here's how it is: the uniform rules are stupid. I'm certainly not going to follow them, so I see no reason why you two would need to. Feel free to wear whatever you want; so long as it is somewhat practical."

"What do the other teachers think about this?" George wondered. If the twins could get away with not wearing the uniform for _all_ of their classes…

"Nothing." The alchemist let his lips twitch into a manipulative grin. "That is, as long as we don't tell them."

The twins, after a moment's hesitation, grinned back. "You won't dock points if we wear whatever we want?" They asked in unison. The alchemist shook his head.

"Unfortunately, I'm still a teacher, so I technically have to discipline you– what would the class think if I kept letting you get away with it?"

"Soooo, we _do_ have to wear the robes?"

"Heck no. Just come to class wearing whatever, and I'll dock your house a few points. Then, after class," Ed leaned back in his chair to better view the growing smiles on the twins faces. "you come to my desk and I'll give them right back. Sound good?"

"Sure thing, Teach!"

"Alright, then get out of my class. I have a lesson to prepare for."

Still grinning from the discovery of their new favorite professor, the twins went to leave, but before they could get all the way through the door, the young teacher's voice made them pause. "Oh, and twenty points each to Gryffindor for being independent enough to challenge an impractical rule."

~o(0)o~

The Weasley twins went through the rest of the day with secretive smirks tugging at their mouths, which naturally drove the rest of Gryffindor house into a state of silent terror.

 _What are they planning?_

 _Oh gosh, they just looked at me! Are they going to prank me?…Have they already pranked me?!_

 _What have they touched today? Don't go anywhere near anything they came into contact with!_

Unfortunately for the brothers– they would have loved to know that they could create so much tension simply by smiling and saying nothing– they were too preoccupied with their own thoughts to notice the state of panic they were causing.

"What do you think about the new teachers, Fred?"

"This is going to be a fun year, George."

"I agree. Hagrid doesn't seem to understand the meaning of 'dangerous creature', so we could see some action in his class."

"Lupin will be fun as well." After the shabby man's first class, the twins had decided Professor Lupin was one of the most interesting teachers they had ever had. He had taken their prank "probe" in stride, not even breaking from his lecture. That had instantly earned him the Weasleys' respect.

"What about Elric? Is he Lupin quality?"

"…" They looked at each other, their thoughts on the young professor bouncing across the silence. Then they shook their heads, smiles breaking out.

"No, he's even better." They agreed out loud. Not only had the alchemy professor handled their prank with minimum disruption, but he had also verbally condoned their decision– even rewarding them for breaking the rules!

"…Do you think he's Weasley quality, George?" Fred asked in a hesitant whisper.

George thought about that. To put someone else in the same category of respect as themselves… "He could be, Fred, but we'll need to run a few more tests before we can be sure."…total acceptance of an outsider was not so quick an occurrence.

* * *

a/n: Tune in next time for when Ed wanders into Lupin's class and is attacked by a Boggart! Will his students have any respect for him once they discover that his greatest fear is a glass of milk and a fiery housewife?...Just kidding


	9. How to Spot an Animagus

a/n: Wow, you've read this far? _And_ you bothered to read the author's note? That's great! Thanks go out to all of you who favorited this story, and special thanks to any and all who reviewed. Aaah, I meant to get this up earlier, but at least it's here now.

Side note: The prophecy from this chapter was inspired by a suggestion from Sobek-Ra King of Crocodiles. Thanks, Sobek!

 _Will telepathy drive them insane?_ = Thought  
"Maybe I should stop messing with them" = Talking in Amestrian  
Truth waved his hand to dissolve the connection between Roy and Ed. = Everything else

~o(0)o~ = Viewpoint change

~~~v~~~ = Time skip

* * *

 **Chapter 9: How to Spot an Animagus**

Ed cursed as he stood from his bed and walked into his classroom. There, the large, arching windows revealed that the sun had yet to rise. _Damn military training. Even on a weekend it won't let me sleep in._

Knowing it would be a useless endeavor to attempt to go back to sleep, the young alchemy professor began working through the various stretches of his morning routine. He propped his automail leg up against the wall and leaned into it, making sure the prosthetic was functioning in its full range. _Winry will bash my head in if I don't take care of my automail._

Ten minutes later found the new alchemy teacher outside on the grounds. The pre-dawn air held a slight chill despite it being August, making a shiver run through the alchemist in apprehension of what the winter would be like at Hogwarts. Taking a deep breath, Ed began jogging. _Even if keeping my automail in top form can save me from Winry's wrath, Teacher will kill me if I let myself get out of shape._

~o(0)o~

The large, black dog sat at the edge of the forbidden forest, watching with curiosity the solitary, red figure jogging quietly across the Hogwarts grounds. People were hardly ever seen up at that hour, never mind someone who looked to be a student. As the figure made its way around the castle, it steadily grew closer to where the dog sat hidden in the shadows. After a few minutes, the creature could make out a head of golden hair bobbing above the glaringly red coat. A few more, and it could hear the crunch of leather boots against the ground, one step curiously heavier than the other.

The dog stayed where it was. There was no way anyone would be able to spot the shadowy creature against the backdrop of the sable woods. However, Edward Elric was not just anyone.

The red-clad figure was less than twelve yards away when he (the dog creature could now see it was a teenage boy) suddenly froze. The teen's head swiveled as he searched for something.

"Who's there?" The voice was strong and commanding, despite the kid's size, and had the smallest trace of an accent– not what Sirius Black would have expected to come from a student wandering the grounds alone pre-dawn. The blond's gaze swept past the spot where the animagus was sitting, making the convict sigh with relief, but then snapped back to shadows where the dog hid. Intense, golden orbs pierced through Sirius, causing the canine shiver. _Surely he can't see–_

"Found you. Either you come to me or I come to you. I hope for your sake you chose the former." The student was still looking at the stunned animagus, so Sirius was stuck on what to do.

 _He probably can't catch me if I run, but if he has a wand…Never mind that: he wouldn't follow once I went into the forest, right? Wait, this is a kid crazy enough to be jogging alone next to the Forbidden Forest at an ungodly hour of the morning, so there's a good chance he's not going to be scared off by Dumbledore's annual warnings. If he follows me in and then gets himself killed…_ The large, black dog shook its head at the thought. _No, I can't do that. I should just let the kid see me. It's not like he would recognize me, much less realize the 'big, black dog' is actually an animagus._

With that in mind, Sirius padded out from the shadows and looked up at the teen, whose golden eyes had gone wide at the sight of the canine. What the animagus didn't understand was why the blond instantly adopted a look of fury when the kid looked into Sirius's eyes. What the animagus would never have been able to understand was the internal struggle going on within the 'student.'

~o)0(o~

When the dog had walked out of the shadows, Ed had momentarily relaxed. _Just a dog._ The new professor had thought.

Then he had looked into the creature's intelligent eyes. Very intelligent eyes… almost… _human_ eyes.

The alchemist's mind was sent reeling into the past, when a dog or horse or any other seemingly innocent animal had hidden a deadly monster.

 _Envy._

~o(0)o~

Sirius was startled, to say the least when the teen tensed and dropped into a fighting stance. Legs spread, arms up and ready to lash out or defend, and hands positioned in a strange way that made it look as though the kid was preparing to pray. Those golden eyes were still glaring at the wizard, but Sirius didn't know why…

 _He can't possibly know I'm an animagus–_

"Show your true form, monster."

 _What the hell?!_ Sirius jumped at the blond's growled demand. _How did he know–_

"I don't have the time or patience to play your usual games." Cold as ice and sharp as steel, the red clad student's tone made it clear that whatever 'games' he was referring to were no laughing matter.

Now, though, Sirius was less panicked and more confused. _What is he talking about? What games? When the heck did I ever played games with this kid? Maybe he has the wrong person–_

"How did you escape? Did you change forms?" The teen asked in a hoarse whisper of anger.

Aaaand back to panicking. _What should I do? What_ _can_ _I do? He knows everything!_ Sirius was just about to start running away as fast as he could and hope for the best when the blond started talking again.

"Don't tell me the whole suicide was just an act–" The kid cut himself off suddenly. He blinked, as if just realizing something, and then peered into the panicking wizard's canine face. After a short moment, all of the tension fell away from the kid, and he sagged where he was standing. "Damn. I'm going crazy."

 _…_ _am I off the hook?_ Sirius wondered tentatively. When the kid looked at him now, those aurum eyes held both a sadness and relief in them that the convict wasn't sure what to make of.

"Sorry, man. I thought you were someone else." The blond looked away and muttered something else that Sirius's enhanced hearing only just picked up. "The shadows of that war are hard to forget." With neither a word nor glance back at the animagus, the red clad student trudged back towards the castle, an invisible weight resting on his shoulders.

After an indeterminate amount of time, Sirius snapped out of the daze he was in and began making his way through the forest to return to his hiding place.

 _What the heck was that all about?! Who is that kid?!_

~o)0(o~

Ed walked slowly up the steps of Hogwarts towards the front doors. It was after looking into the dog's eyes for more than a second that the alchemist's brain had caught up with him, and he had realized his mistake. Those eyes were indeed human.

 _Human: not homunculus._

It was then that he remembered one of the many passages he had read in the transfiguration textbooks, specifically one highlighting the abilities of an animagus. Sure, that canine was most definitely not a dog, but it was just as surely not a homunculus.

 _No, those eyes were too kind to ever belong to Envy, no matter what form that monster decided to take._

~~~v~~~

By the time Ed made it back to his rooms, the castle was coming to life. He shut the door on the growing chatter of students that he was in no mood for that morning and tossed his red coat onto his desk. With a small sigh, the alchemist sank into a chair and put his hands behind his head. Luckily, it was a weekend, so he could just have the house-elves deliver him his meals and not worry about socializing for the rest of the day–

"Professor Elric?" An elderly voice called from the hall, accompanied by a short knock on Ed's newly-restored classroom door.

"What do you want?" Ed snapped back. Apparently taking that as an invitation to enter, the short form of the charms teacher stepped into the classroom. On the average day, just being around Professor Flitwick made Ed feel strangely content, as if a great injustice had finally been put to rest ( _No! That has nothing to do with him being the only adult I've ever been able to tower over!…okay, maybe a little_ ). Today, however, was not an average day, and the alchemist wished to Truth that he could enjoy the weekend by resting. Alone.

"Minerva asked me to inform you that there is a mandatory staff meeting in the teacher's lounge in ten minutes."

Apparently, Truth hated him. _Not that that's much of a surprise._

~~~v~~~

Ten minutes and several internal curses later, Edward Elric was sitting slouched in one of the chairs gathered around central table in the teacher's lounge. All of the professors had shown up for the first staff meeting of the year, and the alchemist noted that there were several he had yet to meet.

 _Where is the Old Man? Wasn't he the one who wanted a meeting?_ Ed was shaken from his thoughts when someone sat down in the seat next to him. Looking over, the young professor recognized the woman as the school nurse, Madam Poppy Pomfrey.

"Madam Pomfrey." Ed nodded in greeting before allowing his gaze to wander around the room once more.

"Profess Elric." _Oh, great, she wants my attention._ The blond focused back on the mediwitch. "I would like to know if you have a condition that is causing you to skip meals."

"No, and I haven't been skipping meals." _Why would she think that?_

Poppy looked confused. "But I never see you in the Great Hall during meal times." She pointed out.

 _So that was it_. "I get up early enough that I'm finished eating by the time others make their way down for breakfast. For the rest of my meals, the house elves deliver them to my rooms."

"Why not eat with the other staff members?"

"It's easier on my work if I can continue through meals. Otherwise, I would be down there in the hall." Ed was lying through his teeth. The real reason he ate in his rooms was because he had not intention of wasting his research time on being more socially active than he absolutely had to. Luckily, the alchemist's years of experience trying to con Mustang out of assignments made it easy for him to sell a simple fib like that.

Poppy nodded as if she understood. "Well, at least you are getting meals. Stop by the hospital wing later for a check-up."

"I can take care of myself." Ed replied a little sharply. He was not going to let the woman poke around his automail if he could help it.

The witch looked slightly frustrated at his words. "But what about your eyes?"

~o(0)o~

"But what about your eyes?" Lupin stiffened at Poppy's question. He had been standing a few feet away from the two of them, back turned so that he faced away from them. Normally he wouldn't have listened in on a conversation like that, but he was just too curious about the new Alchemy professor– even after talking to him a few days ago.

"My eyes?" Edward asked.

Lupin shuffled around until he was facing the nurse and the blond's back was to him. He tried to get the witch's attention. _Poppy you need to stop now! He isn' t like me, and if you keep asking he will become suspicious!_

Unfortunately for Lupin, the nurse didn't even notice the werewolf and plowed right on in her questioning. "Yes. They're not what one would call the average color, would we? How did you come across them?"

 _Way to be subtle, Poppy._ Remus thought sarcastically before his attention was drawn back to Edward.

"Why are you wizards all so interested in my eyes?!" The alchemist threw up his hands. "I know they aren't exactly the most common thing, but no one had asked me about them before I came to this school. Do wizards have some weird eye fetish?"

Lupin would have laughed at the alchemist's question had the situation not been quite so serious.

The mediwitch looked affronted. "Of course not. I just need to know how you got them."

"Got them? _Got them?"_ Edward repeated incredulously.

 _'_ _Genetics.' Is what he's going to say, Poppy._ Lupin tried to get the witch's attention again. _Don't push it any further!_

"If you really need to know, I got them from a monster. Happy? Done asking pointless questions?"

Lupin's yellow eyes went wide at the teen's words, his head reeling. _What? But I thought– Last time he said– Is he really–?_

"Actually, this means I have more–" Poppy was interrupted by a loud cough at the head of the table.

"Ahem." Dumbledore coughed, the room's other side conversations petering off. "If I could have you're attention, there are a few matters we must discuss. Those of you who are standing, feel free to find a seat around the table."

Remus shuffled numbly into a random open chair. Once seated, he chanced a look at Edward, but the alchemist's golden gaze was focused on the headmaster. _What does this mean?_

~o(0)o~

"First and foremost on our list is the introduction of our new alchemy professor." Dumbledore began. "Mr. Elric, if you would please stand and introduce yourself."

Ed stood from his seat and looked around the table of professors. Many of them wore incredulous expressions as they looked at the young alchemist. "Hello. My name is Edward Elric. I am from Amestris, and I am an alchemist."

The teen shot a glance at Dumbledore, and he caught the wizard give him a small nod. The old man had asked that Edward keep his military position private from even the other teachers. Ed didn't see why this was necessary– unless the headmaster thought one of his staff members wasn't trustworthy– but he wasn't going to complain about only a few people knowing his status as a Dog of the Military.

"How old are you?" A witch asked from across the table. "Surely you must look younger than you truly are in order to be a teacher here."

Ed clenched his fists under the table. _Diplomacy, diplomacy, diplomacy._ He reminded himself. "I am sixteen, and I am fully qualified for my position."

"Sixteen!" The witch, including a few others, gasped. "You are not even old enough to have graduated from Hogwarts!"

"I _repeat_." The alchemist growled out, trying to keep his tone somewhat civilized. It was hard to be polite when people kept insulting his capabilities. "I am fully qualified for my position. I finished my schooling before the age of ten, and have spent the years till now in continuous study of my craft. You all saw a demonstration of my skill at the entrance ceremony." Ed took a breath. "I may not have graduated from a magical school, but I see no reason why an alchemist– of all people– would need to. In short, you would be hard pressed to find someone _more_ qualified."

"But you're still only a child! What do your parents think of all this?" A portly witch, whom Ed had come to discover was named Professor Sprout, asked.

Ed shot her a glare. "Do you think I would be teaching in a foreign country if my parents were still around?"

That shut the table up quickly enough, though the pitying stares the alchemist was now receiving were doing nothing to improve his mood.

"Why do we need a class that teaches students how to make gold? Are we really so eager to ruin the economy?" Severus asked in a bored drawl.

 _…_ _Is this guy provoking me on purpose?_ "First of all, though alchemy can create gold, it is illegal to do so. I am not teaching anyone how to make gold. Second of all–"

"Second of all, we need not have any doubts about Professor Elric or his class." Dumbledore took over. The headmaster sent a small wink at the alchemist. It seemed the old man had remembered Ed's rule about the staff doubting him. "Come to me later with any concerns. Now, we have more serious matters to discuss."

"Black." Lupin mumbled from the other side of the table. Ed watched as all the other staff members nod in agreement.

"Do we know anything new about his goals or whereabouts?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"Only one thing besides what the Ministry has already told us." Dumbledore admitted. Upon seeing the questioning looks from the other teachers, the headmaster continued. "It's a prophecy, and though it does not specifically speak of black, the similarities are too large to dismiss."

McGonagall looked unimpressed, a feeling Ed shared. _Really? Telling the future?_

"And what does it say? Who was the prophet?" Professor Flitwick pipped in.

"It was our very own Sybil Treylawny. Though many of her visions of the future have, em, proved to be erroneous in the past, I assure you that this one can be trusted." The old man said, pulling out a small sheet of parchment. After clearing his throat, he read:

 _A man of black, red, and gold seeks what hides in a magical school._

 _He comes with mind to hurt one and help another._

 _A bringer of power and carrier of steel, the man is marked with grievous sin._

 _The dog full of pride cannot forget his debts._

Silence reigned in the staff room as the teachers thought over the meaning of the prophecy. Ed glanced around the table, but none of the professors seemed to be looking at him.

 _It is obvious, isn't it?_ Ed thought, puzzled. He looked down at his outfit. Black clothes? Check. Badass red coat? Check. Golden eyes and hair? Double check. _It's clearly talking about me– not that Sirius Black guy._

The teen reviewed the prophecy:

 _I am 'seeking' the knowledge that hides at Hogwarts. My mission is to 'hurt' Sirius Black (or at least keep him away) and 'help' the Potter kid. I certainly brought alchemy to hogwarts– so that could count as power– and my automail would count as steel…and it could also pass for my sin._

 _Wow, even the wizards have started calling me a dog now. That's great. I don't know about owing anyone money, but I want to do all I can to help out the chimeras back home–_

"This is clearly talking about Black." Remus said quietly, and the other teachers nodded in a agreement.

Ed fought to keep his mouth from dropping open in surprise. _What? Are these people really so stupid that they can't see what's sitting right next to them?_ Ed leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. _Well, if they can't figure this out, I'm not going to point it out to them. I don't really want them asking about my 'grievous sin.'_

~o(0)o~

 _Sirius is that only person who would fit_. Lupin thought, unknowingly thinking along the exact opposite lines from the alchemist sitting across from him. _Who else fits all of those descriptions and can turn into a dog?_

"This is clearly talking about Black." The other teachers nodded at Remus's words.

Dumbledore motioned for the DADA professor to continue. "And your thinking behind this?" He asked.

"The colors." Lupin started, taking a deep breath. "The color black is an obvious clue, and red and gold are the colors of Gryffindor– Black's house when he was here." Now the werewolf gestured at the room around him. "If he seeks anything here, it would be to harm young Harry and avenge Voldemort." Several staff members winced at his use of the taboo name, but Lupin ignored them and continued. "As a wizard, Black would obviously bring power with him, and the steel could mean he is either literally carrying a weapon or figuratively determined to see his mission completed."

After a moment of pause, one of the other professor spoke up. "And what about the dog and his debts? Is that line still talking about Black?"

Lupin hesitated in his answer. No one but he knew that Sirius was an animagus who took the form of a dog, and for all that Remus resented the criminal, he just couldn't bring himself to tell the others. Luckily, Professor McGonagall spoke.

"Anyone who would betray his friends like Black did deserves to be called nothing but a dog." The transfiguration teacher said coldly. "The grievous sin is his betrayal, and the debt to be repaid is the death of He-Who-Must-Not-Be Named."

Lupin looked around to see most of the staff nodding in a agreement…except for Elric. The young blond looked confused and slightly annoyed. _He's from a different country. Does he even know about Sirius Black? Surely someone must have told him._

~~~v~~~

The rest of the meeting continued without any further excitement, ending when Dumbledore finished informing the staff about the various discreet entrances in and out of the castle.

"And with that, we should be able to get to lunch just in time." The headmaster clapped his hands together in dismissal.

Lupin watched Edward walk out of the staff room before moving to stand by Dumbledore. "Professor, I need to speak with you–" He began, but was interrupted by the voice of Poppy from behind him.

"Headmaster, I'm concerned about–" She started.

"Ahem." Dumbledore coughed, and both adults stopped talking. "I assume you were both about to talk to me about Professor Elric?"

Lupin and Poppy looked at each other and then nodded in surprise.

Dumbledore set a hand on Remus's shoulder. "I thought so. Both of you should come to my office tomorrow night. I'm waiting on information that should arrive before long." With that, the older wizard glided out of the room, leaving Remus and Poppy with no chance to question him further.

~o(0)o~

"Oh, Pro _fess_ or~!"

BANG! With a crash, the Weasley twins made their entrance, kicking open the alchemy classroom doors. "We think we know the answer~!" They sang out loudly.

Silence.

The twins looked at each other. George put a hand to his mouth. "Professor Shorty?" He called. Still no response.

 _Well, if that didn't bring him out, he's not here._ The brothers had heard from students in the other classes that their new alchemy professor tended to react… _violently,_ to any comments about his height.

"He's not here, Fred."

"No he's not, George."

"Test number two is null, then?" Now that Elric was a candidate for respect, they would need to run tests to make sure he was truly worthy. After hearing the blond assure them that they could ask about the riddle ' _any time before the deadline,'_ they had decided to test that privilege.

"Yeah, we'll have to try again some other time." So much for surprising their teacher on the weekend. "Where does the map say he is?" Fred asked.

George pulled out the hallowed sheet of parchment and tapped it with his wand. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." He recited faithfully.

Ink seemed to flow over the parchment from where the twin's wand had touched it, marking out the hallways and rooms of Hogwarts. Soon the brothers could see tiny, inked footprints tread through the paper corridors, each with their own miniature label. George set the map on the nearest desk while Fred leaned over to help search for their professor.

"Are you seeing this?"

"What?"

"Do you see those footsteps in the Slytherin common room?"

"Yeah, and–?" George's eyes went wide as he recognized the steps. "Are they having a dance party in the dungeons?"

"Looks like it. Who do you think organized it?"

"Whoever it was, we'll need to find out how he managed it."

"…Unless it's a back-to-school tradition." Fred pondered. "Do they do it every year?"

They glanced up from the map and shared a look. They would need to borrow Harry's invisibility cloak to investigate further.

"Found him." George pointed to a spot on the map. "Actually, I found them all." He was pointing at the staff room, where the labels for most of their professors were gathered together in what was obviously a meeting. With so many people together in one room, the label had been condensed to initials, but only one teacher in the school could go by _E.E._ "Do you think they're talking about Black?"

"Nothing else to talk about that would need all of the teachers." As they watched, the footprints began to disperse. A few stayed behind in the staff room, but the label for _E.E_ separated from the others.

"Fred…"

"Yeah I see it."

"But why?"

"No idea. Magic-proof boot?" Now that they could see the alchemist's footsteps, they could see that he didn't have footsteps. He had a foot _step_. Singular.

But that wasn't the only thing odd about the blond's position on the map. "Wait, look at this." Fred said.

The initials _E.E._ had expanded in the vacant corridor the professor was walking through. Out in the open, they could now read, _Edward Elric; Fullmetal Alchemist._

"Merlin, what is that supposed to mean?" They had never seen a title next to anyone's name before– even Dumbledore was only labeled as _Albus Dumbledore_.

"No time!" George called out, realizing the alchemist was only two corridors away from the classroom. "We gotta leave if we want to surprise him by dropping in again!"

"Mischief managed!" The twins tapped their wands to the map and scrambled out of the alchemy classroom, shutting the door behind them. Without looking back, the brothers dashed away. There was no way they weren't curious about the map's reaction to the young teacher, but there would be time to wonder about that later.

Now? Well, they had a secret Slytherin dance party to look into.

* * *

a/n: Tune in next time for when a failed attempt at dis _arm_ ing their new alchemy professor leads to his whole arm flying off! He had meant it as a joke, but what will Ed do when his entire class passes out from shock?...Just kidding.


	10. How to Draw Wrong Conclusions

a/n: Guys! Guess what? I recently realized the acronym for _A Study in Alchemy_ : **ASIA**. I think it sounds so cool.

Right then: thank you guys so much for all of your reviews and favorites! ASIA is almost at 200 favorites! Things are getting busy over here on my end of things, so updates will probably slow down.

Note: If people are speaking Amestrian in _Amestris,_ then I am not going to do anything different with their words. It will look that same as when people speak English at Hogwarts.

' _Reading a letter in their head.'_ = Reading a letter in their head

 _Does anyone read this anymore? =_ Thought or emphasis

"Maybe some people." = Spoken words

~o(0)o~ = Viewpoint shift

~~~v~~~ = Scene/time change

Bonus Points: If you can spot the reference in this chapter, you'll be awarded extra-special brownie points!

* * *

 **Chapter 10: How to Draw Wrong Conclusions**

(A Few Days Previous)

Roy stared suspiciously at the letter sitting on the desk in front of him. Not twenty minutes ago, his office had been flung into a panic when a large, red bird had flown in through the open window.

The creature had flown straight towards the colonel, prompting the flame alchemist to give a surprised shout before ducking under his desk. Several gunshots from Hawkeye and Havoc, a thrown handset from Fuery, and a wad of paperwork from Brenda had sent the bird flying around the room as it twisted and dived to avoid the attacks. In the confusion, no one had noticed the exotic bird drop an envelope on Mustang's desk.

The mass chaos had abruptly stopped once Roy had managed to tug on an ignition glove and send a jet of flame at the flying intruder. It might have been a bit harsh, but large, exotic birds rarely flew through windows towards high-ranking officers, and memories of Envy had not faded far from his mind.

"Damn." Mustang had said as he stepped around his desk towards the pile of ash that was once the bird. "I didn't think I hit it with _that_ much power."

"Gave you a scare, did it, Sir?" Havoc laughed as the colonel sent him a glare.

"Sir, was this letter here before?" Roy had turned to see Hawkeye pointing at a cream-colored envelope sitting innocently on his desk.

~~~v~~~

Roy's staring contest with the envelope was broken when the door to the office opened and Fallman let himself and Sheska in.

"Sir!" The two saluted.

Mustang waved a hand at them. "At ease." He looked curiously at his subordinates. "What are you two doing here?"

"After the commotion earlier, Ms. Sheska approached me and said she might know something about the situation." Fallman answered astutely.

Mustang turned his attention to the perpetually nervous bookworm. "Oh really?"

The brunette stepped forward, a manila folder clutched to her chest. "Yes, Sir. I heard a rumor in the break room that a bird had flown into your office and delivered a letter. I had remembered reading about something similar in a recent file, so I thought it would be best to tell you."

"And what did this file say?"

"Well, I looked it up, and it's from the Fullmetal Alchemist's current assignment, Sir." Sheska got no further as Mustang let out a low curse.

"Fullmetal? Damn, this better not be that pipsqueak's idea of a prank."

The bookworm shook her head. "I don't think so, Sir. Apparently, these 'wizards' Fullmetal is staying with in England use birds to send messages. The letter should be safe to read, and if we have a reply, we can send it back with the bird." Sheska added brightly. She looked around the office before turning back to Mustang. "Where is the bird, Sir?"

Mustang groaned and ran a hand down his face. "Just great." He grumbled. "And we're supposed to be trying to be diplomatic."

"Sir?" Sheska asked, confused.

Roy gestured to one corner of the room. "It's over there."

"The colonel got a little testy with the thing." Havoc teased as Sheska walked over and gaped at the ashes.

"Let's just hope this wasn't from anyone important." Roy said as he broke the wax seal on the envelope. He paled as he saw who had sent it: Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of the school Fullmetal was stationed at.

"Colonel?" Hawkeye came to stand behind Roy to see what was bothering him.

"…FULLMETAL!" Mustang roared in frustration. Why did the kid always get him in tough situations?

"Sir, you know this isn't Edward's fault."

"That doesn't mean I can't yell at him."

"Sir?" Sheik's voice pipped up from the corner. "You might want to see this."

"What is it now?" Roy asked, standing and walking over. "Did I manage to destroy some precious wizard artifact as well?"

"Chirp."

Roy froze at the sound. _Chirp?_

Sheska stepped out of the way so that Mustang could see the corner. "The bird, Sir– I think it's still alive."

~~~v~~~

' _Has Edward ever been in an accident? One that may have changed him? If so, there may be things we can do to help.'_

Roy ran the words through his head for the hundredth time. The offer was too good to be anything but suspicious.

"Sir, Edward would never have willingly told anyone about breaking the taboo." Hawkeye cautioned.

Flap.

"But if they saw his automail and know anything about alchemy, they may have put it together enough to take a guess." Roy countered.

Flap flap flap.

Hawkeye crossed her legs and shifted positions in her chair. "He wouldn't have revealed his automail on purpose, Sir. Do you think Edward could be in danger?"

Flap flap flutter flap.

"…"

Flutter flutter flap flip flapity flap… Fwump.

"Havoc." Mustang's voice trembled with annoyance. "We're trying to have a serious conversation, so if you don't stop playing with that bird this instance you will become _very_ familiar with that pile of ashes in the corner." Roy turned to glare at the soldier who had frozen in the middle of fondling the small bird. "And I don't believe you have the regenerative capabilities that bird does."

"Ah." Havoc set the fledgling back in the small pen that had been transmuted for it. "No, Sir, and I don't plan to test that theory today."

"Very wise of you. Besides, I thought you were more of a cat person."

"Maybe, but can you blame me for thinking this thing is adorable?"

Mustang could see what he meant. When they had first discovered the tiny chick, nestled in a bed of its own ashes, it had been a small, featherless bundle of hunger. After a few bites of spare lunch meat (and a cricket Fuery had managed to capture), the bird had been noticeably larger. By now, it had become a ball of red and orange fuzz slightly bigger than a grapefruit. At this rate, the bird would be back to its original size before dinner.

Flap flap. Two small wings poked out of the fuzz and attempted to raise the bird out of the pen. They only succeeded in tipping the hatchling on its backside, leaving two little yellow legs to waiving in the air. The whole scene radiated cuteness.

"Sir, we are getting off topic." Hawkeye reminded them.

"Right, right." Roy turned his back on the bird so that he wouldn't get distracted. "No, I don't think Fullmetal is into anything serious yet. He wrote to Alphonse only two weeks ago, and everything was fine then." He reasoned. "It's more likely that the wizards have a way to detect devices like automail, and sent this letter instead of asking Fullmetal directly."

"Then what will you tell them?" Hawkeye asked.

"Nothing specific." Roy assured her. "If they think they can do anything to help Fullmetal, then they will have to bring it up with him. The only reason I will reply at all is because Fullmetal probably told them he would need permission from a superior before doing or saying anything outside of his mission… orders…." Mustang had a sudden urge to throw the letter into the trash when he realized what his words would mean. "That damn pipsqueak is just _trying_ to make more paperwork for me!"

~~~v~~~

"There. Fly back to Hogwarts." Roy pointed out the window, but the large bird on his desk didn't move. It looked curiously down at the letter tied to its leg, and then started preening its feathers calmly.

"Go." Mustang tried. "Fly." Nothing. "What was it Sheska said? 'Hup, hup'? 'Whahoo'?…uh, 'Yip, yip'?"

"Sir, you need to tell it who to deliver it too." Hawkeye supplied.

"Ah, right. Thank you." Roy turned back to the exotic bird. "Take this note to Albus Dumbledore at Hogwarts."

The bird immediately flapped its wings and soared out of the window. Soon it was gone to the afternoon sky. Mustang turned to back to his desk and the mountain of paperwork piled upon it. Nothing had gotten done the entire day with all of the excitement going on.

"Fullmetal better not start sending in his reports by bird."

~o(0)o~

(Current Time)

" _Abscondeo._ " Ed pointed his wand at the chair in front of his desk. Nothing happened. The blond looked back at the Charms textbook he had been studying.

' _Abscondeo– to hide an object from view. It does not vanish the object, but neither does it have the effect of a disillusionment charm. One flaw of the spell is that the shadow of the charmed object can still be seen.'_

Looking back on the instructions, Ed tried the spell again, making sure to get the wand movement right. " _Abscondeo._ "

Still nothing. The chair appeared the same as it always had. The alchemist turned his wand over in his hand, checking it for any cracks or defaults. Again, nothing.

" _Wingardium Leviosa_." The chair immediately floated off the ground, and Ed could feel no resistance coming from his wand. He glanced down at the Charms book again. "Is Abscondeo not a real spell?"

As he flipped through the pages of text, trying to find an explanation, Ed heard the Hogwarts bells beginning to toll. He pulled out his silver pocket watch to check the time.

"It's already midnight? Crap, I better get a lesson ready for tomorrow– er, I guess that would be _today_ now."

With a clap, Ed's wand was once again in its two, separate pieces. The blond slipped the wooden ring onto the thin chain around his neck while the strip of steel returned to his automail. That done, Ed gathered his research notes and walked towards the back of the classroom where his room and office were located. He had been practicing spells for most of the evening in the spacious classroom– mainly because there were so many stacks of books cluttering his room that it would be dangerous to try many of the spells he was wanting to test.

Just before he made it to the door to his rooms, Ed's eyes were drawn to the large, back window. Being on the fourth floor meant that he had a premium view of the grounds and even a large portion of the Forbidden Forest, which was where Edward now found himself looking. Something had moved… _There!_

Just past the edge of the trees, Ed could see a black, furry creature pacing back and forth among the bushes. _The dog– no, animagus– from yesterday morning._ Ed realized. He wondered who it was in human form. _One of the other teachers, maybe?_

If it was someone from the castle, the alchemist would love to have a chance to talk to them about the different abilities and limitations of being an animagus. Information like that coming from the very source would do wonders for his chimera research. On the other hand, if it was _not_ someone from the castle, then Hogwarts had a serious security breach.

 _I better ask the old man about it to make sure–_

BANG!

The classroom doors crashed open. Ed dropped his papers and spun around to face the intruders, hands up and ready to transmute at the first sign of an attack.

"Oh Pro _fes_ sor~!" Two identical voices sang. "We think we know the answer~!"

Ed dropped his hands and straightened from his defensive crouch. It was just the Weasley twins. Barging into his classroom. Singing. At midnight.

"What the hell are you two doing here?" Ed asked incredulously. "Do you know what time it is?"

The twins looked at each other and grinned. This was exactly the reaction they wanted. "Of course we do!" George replied.

"It's time for us to answer your riddle!" Fred answered.

"What?" Ed asked. "Now?"

"Well, you did say–"

"We could check our answer–"

"Any time before–"

"The deadline!" The brothers cocked their heads to the side in perfect unison.

"Or…" Fred started.

"Did you not really _mean_ what you said?" They asked together.

 _They're testing me again._ Ed realized. He could recognize the mischievous expression on their faces no matter how hard they were trying to keep up their 'innocent student' facade. _I'll need to teach them to put up better masks– Aaaah, no, no, no, no. Not my job!_

 _But it could be fun…_ A small voice whispered in the back of the alchemist's mind.

 _I don't have time to do this_ and _teach a class_ and _watch the Potter kid_ and _work on research!_ He reminded himself.

"Professor?"

 _Well, if they're going to take up my time anyway… I might as well make it worthwhile, right?_

"Alright." Ed walked towards the identical brothers and leaned up against the corner of his desk. "What've you got?" He folded his arms across his chest. "If you get this right, you'll have a record time."

The twins grinned. "Will we get a prize?"

"Possibly." Ed admitted. There was no way they could already know the answer– it had taken the Elrics almost an entire month, after all.

"Give us a second, then." Fred said before turning to his brother. The two hunched together and turned their back on the alchemist, talking in low whispers. Ed tuned them out while he walked around to the back of his desk. Pulling open a drawer, the blond grabbed a piece of chalk before beginning to plan out the next day's lesson on the chalkboard.

"Magic."

Ed turned to look back at the twins. It took a moment for their word to register. "That's your answer?" They nodded. "Explain."

George pulled out his wand and held it for the alchemy professor to see. "One is all and all is one."

" _One_ wand is the only thing a wizard would need to cast _all_ spells–" Fred explained.

"–But to cast _all_ spells a wizard needs _one_ wand–" George continued.

"So, 'One is all and all is one' is talking about magic." They completed together.

"Wow." Ed searched their faces to make sure they were serious. _Are they really…_ "Well, at least I now know what to teach in class tomorrow."

"What's that?" Fred wondered.

"Did we get it right?" George asked.

"Ha!" The blond barked. "Hell no– that was probably the farthest you could get from the right answer!"

Ed turned back to the chalkboard. In large, chalk letters, he wrote:

ALCHEMY IS SCIENCE: NOT MAGIC

"An alchemist needs neither a wand nor spell to use their power." He said. "Alchemy is a science that anyone– even people without magic– can use with enough studying."

"So it's not just wandless transfiguration." Fred summarized.

"It's trans _mutation_ , not trans _figuration_." The blond agreed. "And things created by alchemy cannot be changed by magic…" A theory suddenly popped into his head. "If spells were to leave a residue behind after casting, would that be what makes practically all enchantments and charms reversible? And if that is true, would the fact that alchemy requires equivalent exchange– meaning that all the transmutation energy would be used with none left over–be the reason it is irreversible by spells? Could a lack of residual energy signatures be what stops…"

Too enraptured by this new theory, Edward failed to notice the glazed expressions of the twins, both of whom had been lost after the first sentence of his mad ramblings. He enthusiastically began scrawling notes on the blackboard, feeling as if he had discovered a major law of the universe. _Who knows? Maybe I have!_

"Professor?" Cough. "Um, Professor Elric?"

Ed looked up to see the twins standing close to the door. "What?"

"We're going to leave now." George gestured towards the hallway. "We should get back to our dorm before Filch notices us out after curfew"

Ed set down his chalk. "No, no. Stay a bit longer. What's a few more minutes when its already past midnight? I need to help you two with something."

"We don't need help with anything, Professor." Fred protested.

"No, really, I owe you two for helping with my research." _Equivalent exchange._ He thought for a minute on what he could help them with. "What about lying?"

The twins glanced at each other before looking back at the alchemist, their expressions uncertain. "Lying, sir?"

Ed waved a hand in the air. "Lying, bluffing, deceiving, masking the truth–" He listed off. "Whatever you want to call it: you two will need a few lessons if you ever want people to believe what you want them to believe."

Well, if their faces were anything to go by, the twins were delighted by this turn of events, but Fred just had to wonder… "Isn't that manipulating?"

Ed sent them a malicious grin. "Lying is getting them to believe a false truth; manipulating is using a half truth to your favor." He casually laced his hands behind his head before offering his subtle invitation. "But I rather think manipulation will be a lesson for another time."

~o(0)o~

Remus and Poppy sat impatiently in the two stuffed chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk. They had been waiting for the headmaster to arrive for over half an hour, and, it being already past midnight, were really hoping to get their business over with quickly. If it were not for their pressing concerns that the new alchemy teacher was a werewolf, they would have already been sleeping happily in their rooms.

"Should one of us go looking–" Poppy started to ask, but abruptly stopped when green flames flared up in the fireplace.

"I'm sorry to have kept you two waiting." Dumbledore apologized, stepping out of the roaring hearth and brushing stray ashes from his robes. "There was a small argument about the Ministry adding more dementors to the grounds that needed to be seen to." The white-bearded wizard strolled across the room and sat down behind his great, oak desk. "Now, I believe you wanted to discuss our new alchemy teacher?"

The two adults nodded. "With those golden eyes, I would guess that we were all already suspicious of Elric's condition, but after what he told me the other day, I believe we should make preparations to deal with another lycanthrope in the castle." Poppy voiced.

Dumbledore gave a slight nod. "And just what did he tell you the other day?"

"When I asked him about his eyes, he seemed to get flustered before telling me that a monster had given them to him."

"When I talked to him earlier in the week, I had asked about his eyes, so that would explain the flustered attitude." Lupin put in. "But the answer he gave me was that he had gotten them from his father."

"So he was lying to one of us." Poppy concluded, frowning.

The headmaster shook his head. "Not necessarily. Though it is not a picture I particularly favor, it would make sense if Edward's father was a lycanthrope." He said thoughtfully.

"And if his father bit Edward and turned him," Remus caught on. "Then both of his answers would technically be true."

"What should we do?" The nurse asked. "I assume you were not aware of Mr. Elric's condition when you hired him?"

"I was not." Dumbledore admitted. "However, we can not be completely sure that he is a werewolf, Poppy. I am still waiting for one of Edward's colleagues to respond to my letter–"

A red and gold blur swept into the office from a doorway in the back, cutting off the rest of the headmaster's words. Fawkes dropped it's message in front of Dumbledore before gliding over gracefully to land on its perch. The phoenix looked younger than the two professors had seen it in quite a while, and the headmaster seemed to notice that fact as well.

"I hope you didn't scare anyone when you were reborn." Dumbledore commented before opening the letter.

 _'Headmaster Dumbledore,_

 _'You have quite the unusual messenger. It was with great relief that my office discovered its tolerance with flame. If there is any other way to deliver correspondences, please inform Fullmetal of it and request that he use it instead._

 _'On other matters, I regret to inform you that I can divulge little personal information about Fullmetal unless it is a matter of extreme emergency. If you have a question or concern about my subordinate, please take it up with him. Fullmetal's mission parameters do not include his personal history, so he can choose whether or not to share information about his person._

 _'However, as his superior, I would accept your offer in helping with the aftereffects of Edward's incident. If Edward is willing to accept your help, he has my permission to go along with whatever aid you might supply for his condition._

 _'Keep in mind that Fullmetal is remarkably stubborn, and is loath to give away personal information– especially on such a touchy subject for him. Approach questioning him with caution, but if he becomes hostile it is best to retreat and try again at another time. I speak from experience in this matter._

 _In answer to your inquiry,_

 _Roy Mustang, Colonel'_

At the very bottom of the paper, in small, meticulous handwriting, was written

 _'P.S. If Fullmetal seems to resist doing things within his mission parameters, try implying that you will write to Hawkeye. In the case that this fails, try using the name Izumi Curtis.'_

Dumbledore looked up from the letter to find the professor and nurse watching him expectantly. "Well," He said after a moment. "It appears as though Edward is a werewolf. His colleagues have given us permission to help him."

Lupin sagged in his chair. Even with all the evidence against the teen, Lupin had still been holding out a sliver of hope for the alchemy professor. It was disheartening to think that yet another child had grown up the way he had.

"What will we do now?" The DADA teacher asked wearily. Suddenly, Lupin felt as if he hadn't slept in days, his disappointment amplifying his need for rest.

"The full moon is the end of next week, is it not, Remus?" Dumbledore asked. Lupin simply nodded.

"Then we will wait." The headmaster looked to the school nurse. "Poppy, inform Severus that he will need to make more of the Wolfsbane potion. If we give him that and lead him to you rooms, Remus, then everything should be fine."

Lupin doubted things would turn out as neatly as that– nothing ever did.

~o(0)o~

"So how did it go?" Ron asked the twins as they stepped through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room. "What did Elric say?"

"It was...interesting." Fred said hesitantly.

"Not really what we were expecting." George added.

"Did you guys ask him about the riddle?" Harry wondered. He and Ron were pulling an all nighter to finish the weekend homework they had put off until the last moment. Hermione, naturally, had already finished her homework and refused to have mercy on the two boys. After all, she had told them, it was their fault for already being behind after only the first week of school.

George nodded "We were hoping to surprise him."

"And you should have seen the look on his face when we did–" Fred smiled as he thought back to kicking open the classroom doors.

"–so startled you would have thought he was going to attack us–"

"–At least until he saw who we were." Fred added.

"But what about your answer? Did you guys get it right?" Harry pressed. If the twins knew the answer to the riddle, there was at least a slight chance that he and Ron would be able to get it out of them.

The twins' faces fell simultaneously, and they shook their heads. "No. He said we were about as wrong as we could possibly get."

Ron snorted. "Well what did you expect? It's only been a few days, and he gave us the whole month to get it right. I figure it must be bloody difficult if it's supposed to take that long."

"Yeah, well, we're heading to bed." Fred said with a sigh. "Maybe we'll think of another answer before class tomorrow."

"Oh right!" Ron looked over at Harry with excitement. "If Elric gives us another class period to figure out the riddle, maybe we can finish this homework then." He said, gesturing at the small pile of unfinished work still sitting on the table in front of the two friends.

Harry looked at his friend doubtfully. "I don't know…If he doesn't give us a free period…"

~o(0)o~

As Harry and Ron weighed the pros and cons to putting off their homework until the next day, Fred and George silently climbed the tower stairs to their dorm room. Once there, they opened the door, and, after checking to make sure that their roommates were asleep, walked in and closed the door behind them. Without a word, the brothers made their way over to George's bed, climbing silently on top and drawing the curtains around it closed.

" _Silencio!"_ Fred commanded in a whisper, pointing his wand at the drapes. The twins stared silently at each other for a moment.

"That was bloody brilliant!" They both exclaimed at once. Had it not been for the silencing charm around the bed, the other fifth years would have no doubt jumped awake at the noise.

"I can't believe that actually just happened." George said in an awed tone.

The twins had spent the last hour with their new alchemy teacher– a time that Professor Elric had used to teach the identical troublemakers about deceiving others. Not only had the blond explained the importance of body language and half truths in making a lie sellable, but he had also enthusiastically provided examples and demonstrations.

"I had no idea there were so many ways lies could used." Fred commented. "It's like he set a whole new world in front of us."

"…" They glanced at each other and nodded. "We're going to need to test this stuff out." The redheads agreed in unison.

"And we should prank Elric more often." George suggested.

"Yeah." Fred grinned. "If every prank turns into a lesson on how to 'Apply ourselves'," The twin quoted what Elric had said at one point during the night. "Then we are _definitely_ going to need to do that more often."

The brothers continued talking for several minutes, trying to come up with ideas for both Professor Elric's riddle and more pranks they could pull on the Hogwarts populace now that they had a new skill in their arsenal. _Who knew the alchemy teacher would be such a fun toy!_

* * *

a/n: Tune in next time for when Ed ignores Dumbledore's orders and puts his students in the Forbidden Forest anyway! He means for it to only last a few days, but he soon gets caught up in his research and forgets about them. Ed remembers to go back an entire month later only to find that Hogwarts now has it's own Lord of the Flies. After running away in fear, Ed searches for a time-turner to go back and fix his mistake.  
Will he make it? Or will the Hufflepuff Tribe rule the Hogwarts grounds forever?  
...Just kidding.


	11. How to Tell a Lie

a/n: I don't know what it was about this chapter, but it was harder to write than anything else in ASIA so far. Thanks to everyone who favorited and reviewed: who knew _that many_ of you would get the Avatar reference? That was amazing! I appreciate all of you guys so much.

 **Note: Reposting because for some reason, all of my underlining disappeared. Weird.** If you already read this chapter, the underlining isn't that big of a deal. Don't worry about it.

 _Hmmm...partially cloudy with a chance of rain..._ = Thought  
"If I tell someone the forecast and it is wrong, does that count as lying?" = Talking in Amestrian  
The occupants of the Devil's Nest looked at their leader with concern. Greed seemed awfully concerned about his image now a days. = Everything else

~o(0)o~ = Viewpoint change

~~~v~~~ = Time skip

* * *

 **Chapter 11: How to Tell a Lie**

The transfiguration classroom was in shambles. Burnt desks were piled together in a make-shift barricade in front of the door, though they lay abandoned now that class was over. McGonagall stood with her hands on her hips, taking in the damage before turning her disapproving gaze the the pair of boys in front of her.

"We didn't mean for this to happen." Fred said apologetically, a look of shame creeping onto his features.

"It was an accident." George added, keeping his arms open in a pleading gesture.

McGonagall blinked, surprised. She had never seen the Weasley twins appear even remotely sorry after a prank, and to see the looks on their faces now…Had it truly been an accident?

"I must have pronounced the spell wrong." George supplied. "It's either that, or my wand's broken."

"Mum won't be happy to hear that." Fred said glumly. "I don't think we would be able to get you a replacement for a while."

The transfiguration teacher's brow crinkled in confusion. What was she supposed to do? By the way they acted, what she had seen as a prank may have been completely unintentional. "I'm sure Professor Flitwick would be happy to check on your wand…" McGonagall said hesitantly.

"Really?" George perked up at that.

Minerva nodded. "Yes, just make sure you don't cause an accident like that in class again." She shooed them away with one hand. "Now go on already; you should be able to make it to your next class on time."

Both twins beamed at her. "Thanks, Professor!"

~o(0)o~

As soon as they turned the corner of the transfiguration corridor, the brothers burst out laughing.

"Merlin's beard! Did we really just tell her that creating a screaming, fire-breathing, animated, rubber ducky was an accident?"

"And did she really let us off with only a _warning_?"

Both of them fell into uncontrollable laughter again.

Fred wiped a stray tear from his eye. "I can't believe Elric's advice actually worked!"

After being called up to McGonagall's desk, the twins had used several of their alchemy professor's tips. One: act as if you had no idea the prank was going to happen.

Two: Shuffle around, look non-threatening, and use other body language to sell your point.

Three: Supply a reason for the event that deflects accusation while not entirely denying responsibility.

Four: Play to the victim's sympathies.

And these were only the a few of the tips for when they wanted to act the unknowing instigators– never mind if they wanted to play the confused victims or the angered accused.

After letting themselves have another laugh, they walked off down the corridor, heading to their next class. Their thoughts, however, were already on their next alchemy lesson.

~o(0)o~

Ron wanted to stuff Malfoy's useless bandages down the platinum blond's arrogant throat. After being forced to copy down notes, chop potion ingredients, and listen to the Slytherin's constant moaning, it was a wonder that was the _least_ the Gryffindor wanted. Ron had a sinking feeling, however, that Malfoy was going to torment him in the next class as well.

"What do we have next, Harry?" The redhead asked.

Harry rummaged around in his schoolbag for their schedule. As it was only the second week of school, they had yet to memorize the order of the classes. "Alchemy." He answered.

"Uhn…" Ron groaned. It wasn't that he disliked alchemy. In fact, Professor Elric seemed really interesting from what Fred and George had told him. What made Ron groan was that the alchemy class already seemed like it would be a lot of work, and having a whiny Slytherin was only going to make it more troublesome.

~~~v~~~

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

Ron looked over at the Slytherin section, where the voice had come from. Strangely, Malfoy had yet to show up.

" 'Alchemy is science: not magic'." Professor Elric quoted, looked at the chalked words the student had pointed to. "It means exactly what it sounds like, random green house student: neither wands, nor spells, nor magic is used in alchemy. Most of your wizardly education will be useless in this class, so it would be a mistake to rely on it. Everything in alchemy can be scientifically proven without the use of magic."

"Why would the school have us take a class that doesn't use magic?" A whiny voice spoke up from the back of the classroom. "Why have a wand if you aren't going to use it?"

Ron rolled his eyes. He didn't even need to turn around to know who had spoken: Draco Malfoy had just arrived.

Professor Elric raised one eyebrow at the Slytherin's doubting tone. "Let me remind you, Mister Malfoy, that you chose to take this class." There was something about the way the blond teacher said _Malfoy_ that made it seem like an insult even though his face remained blank, but Ron couldn't place it. "Today it appears as if you decided to come to class late. Care to correct me, Mister Malfoy?"

 _There it is again…_ The image of Professor Elric on slamming the compartment door shut in Malfoy's face slipped to the front of Ron's mind. _That's right: back then, Elric defined 'Malfoy' as "A sniveling brat" back on the train._ It sounded as though the professor was still using that definition when addressing the Slytherin.

"I was at the infirmary getting a potion for my arm." Draco replied, motioning at his unnecessarily heavily bandaged arm. "I was attacked by–"

"I'm not interested." Elric interrupted. "Find a seat in the next ten seconds or stay standing for the rest of class."

Ron had to bite back his snickering as the platinum blond scurried over to the Slytherin section of desks and bullied his way into a seat next to Crabbe and Goyle. Maybe today wasn't going to turn out badly after all. Professor Elric coughed into his fist, drawing the class's attention back to him.

"I should remind you all that you are here voluntarily. If you decide alchemy is not something you are interested in, feel free to drop out at any time– just know that you will most likely not be able to come back once doing so." Now the Alchemy teacher jabbed a thumb at the words written on the chalkboard behind him. "As for _why_ you should take alchemy: what would you do if your wand was lost or broken? If you wanted to create something a spell could never undo? Or if you wanted to create something in a way a wand never could? The answer, of course, is alchemy."

The class was quiet as the blond reached into the jacket of his black jacket for a piece of chalk. Just like at the entrance feast, the professor drew a circle with one fluid motion, followed by quick scribblings that filled it with intricate lines. Unlike during the fest, however, this circle was much smaller. Apparently deciding the drawing was complete, the alchemist once again looked up at the class.

"Alchemy relies on three things: energy, matter, and the knowledge of how to manipulate them. While the requirement of knowledge is supplied by the alchemist, everything else must come from the world around him. This is where alchemy differs from magic. For wizards–" The blond gestured at the class, "–such as yourselves, the energy to cast spells supposedly comes from inside you, but with alchemy, the energy is supplied…"

The professor continued the lecture, talking about energy and something called elements and circles. Ron was only half paying attention, seeing as most of what the alchemist was talking about went straight over his head. The redhead looked around the classroom and found that most of the other third-years (barring Hermione and a few Ravenclaws) also wore blank looks on their faces.

"This is a transmutation circle." Ron was jolted back to the lecture when the blond professor slapped a hand against the blackboard. "No matter what you want to create or what style of alchemy you use, it all comes back to the circle. This shape allows an alchemist to conduct energy according to his will. For example:"

The alchemist touched a finger to the edge of the circle, which immediately sparked with blue light. The display was nowhere near as powerful as when the professor had created the giant statue at the entrance ceremony, but Ron found his attention drawn to the alchemical sparks just the same. When the blue lights dissipated, the chalk board resembled a regal-looking helmet with a spike protruding from the center of its forehead.

"Everyone get out some parchment. You're going practice drawing circles until the end of class."

Everyone reached down to get their supplies from their bags as the professor walked to stand in front his desk. Ron noted with curiosity that the blond swerved around a spot on the floor as he moved. The professor had been avoiding that spot for the entire class, but there was nothing there.

 _I wonder why–_

"Professor, I need someone to draw for me." Malfoy's voice interrupted Ron's thoughts. "Can Weasley do them?"

Ron looked pleadingly up at the alchemy teacher, silently hoping the professor would not agree to Malfoy's request.

Elric, to his credit, raised one eyebrow incredulously, looking from the Slytherin to Ron and back again. "You want this kid to practice for you." Malfoy nodded as the blond pointed at Ron. "This kid– the kid on the complete _opposite_ side of the classroom– who obviously doesn't want to help you." Elric continued in a flat tone.

Malfoy nodded again.

Elric crossed his arms in front of him. "Why can't you do it yourself?"

Ron snorted as Malfoy's jaw dropped. The Slytherin looked bewildered and stuttered out, "Are- are you blind? I'm injured! I can't possibly draw with my arm like this!"

"So what?"

"What?" Malfoy asked.

"You have another arm." Elric pointed out, keeping a straight face. "Like you said earlier, Mister Malfoy, 'Why have one if you aren't going to use it'?"

"But that's my left arm." The platinum blond protested. "I'm right-handed."

"You just said you can't use your right arm."

"I can't! So I need someone draw the circles for me!"

"Why not use your left hand?"

"I'm right-handed!"

Ron and Harry shared grins. It was hilarious to watch their new professor talk Malfoy in circles.

"This is ridiculous." Draco finally muttered. "Can't you see I'm injured?"

Elric's eyes narrowed. "An injured arm is no excuse for this class. You can clearly function normally with the exception of one arm, and one arm is all that is needed for this lesson. If you're planning on using alchemy you should be able to use both hands with equal ability, so consider this class practice for using your left hand."

"But–"

"That's the end of the discussion. At least you still have your hand." Ron shook his head as Elric turned back to face the rest of the class. For some reason, Elric's last comment didn't sound like a joke.

~o(0)o~

"Alright, now–" Ed turned away from the arrogant Slytherin and froze when he looked at the sea of desks in front of him. More specifically, he froze at the sight of dozens of ink pots and feathers.

"Riiiight." He groaned, rolling his eyes. "I almost forgot that wizards are idiots." He muttered in Amestrian under his breath. "Everyone put away your quills. Those ridiculous things will do more harm than good in this class."

The students looked confused, but obeyed as Ed went to get the pencils from his room, walking around the chair he had neglected to move away from the front of his desk. He had alchemically fused his door shut before class started and then drawn on a transmutation circle to reverse it when needed. Since none of his students could activate an array yet, why waste locking the door when magic could open it in the blink of an eye?

Ed moved a stack of books and tossed a pile of fabric into a corner in order to get to his stash of pencils. There was no way he was going to have his students use quills and ink to draw transmutation circles: not only would it be extremely difficult to get a perfect circle, but if (after achieving a circle) they miscalculated the equation, no one would be able to erase it before something…bad…happened.

"Here we are." Ed set the pile of pencil boxes down on his desk once he returned to the classroom. "Will someone volunteer to pass these out?"

A girl from the black and gold section ( _That's Huttleduff or something, right?_ ) volunteered and began passing out a pencil to each student. Ed noticed that most of the young wizards and witches were looking curiously at the writing utensils, but they had yet to say anything.

"Um, Professor…" A Gryffindor finally started. "What are these?"

Ed blinked.

 _This is going to be a long day._

~~~v~~~

After explaining what pencils were, Ed made the third-years practice drawing circles freehand for the remainder of class. Then, seeing as hardly any of the circles were perfect enough to use for a transmutation, he made their homework drawing circles.

"I want at _least_ ten perfect circles by the start of the next class." The alchemist assigned as the students began packing up. "And remember: you all still need to solve the riddle before the end of the month. No one's managed to answer it yet, so don't put it off until it's too late."

His words were received by scattered groans and a few nods. Ed could already tell he was going to have a much smaller class by the end of the month.

"Ah, Miss Granger." Ed called out to the bushy haired girl who had been picking up her bag to leave. "Can I have a word with you?"

Hermione looked surprised and a little pleased, and she hurried up to where Ed was standing.

"You can have a seat if you like." The blond offered, gesturing at the chair in front of his desk.

A confused look came across Granger's face. "Professor?" She asked. "Is that another riddle?"

"What? I just wanted to tell you that you could take a seat if you wanted." Ed said.

"But there's nothing there to sit on." The brunette objected, one eyebrow raised.

The alchemist looked between the chair and his student. Unless the girl had been listening in on his lesson with the twins the previous night, then she was telling the truth: she couldn't see the chair.

 _Why is that? It's not like it's invisible– Oh, but is it?_ Ed thought back to the spell he had been practicing on the chair. He had thought that the spell was a failure, but if Granger couldn't see the chair…

"Why did you want to speak with me Professor?" The young witch broke Ed from his thoughts.

"Right." The blond shook his head. "I need someone to show me where the library is."

~~~v~~~

Ed had chosen Hermione because she was one of the few third-years who had been able to somewhat follow his short lecture on the power source of alchemy, and when she had brightened as soon as he had said 'library', he knew that he had made a good call. And he was right– quickly and confidently, the brilliant student strode through the corridors, down staircases, and around tight corners.

"I'm not surprised you don't know where the library is, Sir." Hermione said brightly. "It _is_ on the complete opposite side of the school from your classroom, after all."

A vein ticked on the blond's forehead. _That old man did this on purpose didn't he!_

"You'll just have to watch out for Peeves since it's such a long walk." She cautioned.

"Peeves?"

"He's the school's poltergeist, and…" Hermione kept talking, but Ed was no longer paying attention. Out of the corner of his eye, the alchemist had spotted a student with a familiar mane of bushy, brown hair scurrying across the corridor behind them. He turned in time to see her robes vanish around a corner.

 _That was…but–_ Ed snapped his head back around to look at Hermione, but his guide was still walking in front of him. _I'm sure that was her…_

"Granger," The blond started, and she turned to look at him. "Do you have a sister who goes here?"

"No. I am an only child."

Ed frowned. "Then why did I just see someone who looked like you run across the hallway behind us?"

Hermione's eyes went wide and she looked nervous. "Ah, um, well– you said it yourself, Professor; it was, uh, someone who looked like me!"

Now Ed knew she hadn't been lying about the chair: he could clearly tell when she was lying by her nervous glances and glistening sweat.

"Riiight." The alchemist said suspiciously. Before he could question his student, however, she suddenly straightened and pointed down the hall.

"Oh look!" She said with obvious relief. "There's the library! I'm terribly sorry, Professor, but I really do need to be heading to my next class, so I'll just have to run along now, and…bye!" Then she was speed walking back the way they had come, leaving the confused alchemy teacher standing alone in the corridor in front of the library.

"Well, _that_ wasn't suspicious at all."

~~~v~~~

The Hogwarts library was more than Edward had ever imagined, and that was saying something. It was all he could do to hold in a burst of laughter when he saw row after row upon floor after floor of books. He glided through the aisles, running his flesh hands over the spines of the countless volumes.

"I'm in heaven." He muttered to himself. "I have died, passed through the Gate, and wandered into heaven."

~o(0)o~

Neville Longbottom was enjoying the quiet peace of the library. Most students had a class during this period, so he thought the lonely halls of books would be the perfect place to finish his homework and work out Professor Elric's riddle. Neville had a feeling that he should already know the answer to the riddle, but no matter how hard or long he thought about it, he couldn't figure it out. He _had_ thought it might have something to do with magic, but that trail of thought had been crushed by his most recent alchemy class.

Pulling a herbology book from a shelf, Neville walked back to his seat. There wasn't any homework in herbology yet– learning about plants and the earth just seemed to have a calming effect on the easily-frazzled Gryffindor. Only a few minutes into his reading, however, there began a soft stream of muttering coming from a few aisles away.

"But where does the water _come_ from?" The vaguely familiar voice asked. "It can't simply materialize out of nothing." It reasoned. "It could bind together the hydrogen and oxygen molecules in the air, so long as…" There the voice faded again into indecipherable muttering, carrying on the conversation by itself.

Neville had no idea what the person was talking about, though by now he could recognize the voice.

He poked his head around the bookshelf separating them. "Professor Elric?"

The blond alchemy teacher looked up from the book he had been studying. Scattered on the table was an array of notes and journals and more than a few thick tomes.

"Yes?" The teacher asked before squinting at Neville. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"I am in your class of third-years, Sir." He answered politely. He paused before asking his next question. "What are you working on?"

Elric gave a frustrated sigh and ran a white-gloved hand through his hair. "I'm trying to figure out how a water summoning charm works from a scientific perspective."

"Oh." Neville wasn't sure what to say next. He knew very little about science beyond what was needed for Herbology and Potions. The professor just looked so frustrated, however, that the Gryffindor felt he needed to do _something_. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

The alchemist looked up at him. "What was your name again?"

"Neville, Sir, Neville Longbottom."

Whatever Neville had been expecting, it had not been this: the blond's eyes went wide and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as if he were trying not to laugh.

"Neville?" The professor asked incredulously. "As in _the_ Neville?"

"Yes, Sir…?"

"Ha!" The young teacher held out his left hand for Neville to shake, which the shy boy took hesitantly. "So I finally get to meet the famous Neville Longbottom."

"Professor?" Neville had no idea what the alchemist was talking about, but he didn't think it was good. At least, he didn't think he had done anything particularly _good_ to deserve being called famous.

"Ah, don't worry about it, Neville." The professor was smiling widely at him now, and Neville noted that the blond looked much less intimidating when he smiled. "That one kid– you know, Harry Something-or-Other– he was pretending to be you when I first met him, and now I finally get to meet the _real_ Neville Longbottom."

"Oh. I see." No he didn't. _Why would Harry pretend to be me? And when did he meet Professor Elric before school started?_

"Now that you ask, I guess there is something you could help me with." The alchemist said thoughtfully. "How good are you at charms?"

~o(0)o~

After assuring Neville many times that he wasn't angry at him, Ed hurried back to his rooms for a change of clothes.

 _I guess I never said specifically where I wanted him to summon the water._ The blond thought as he squelched his way down the chilly corridor, leaving a trail of water behind him. _So I can't entirely fault him for summoning it over my head._

He was so distracted by his cold, sopping wet clothes that it took Ed a few minutes to realize he had no idea where he was. At some point the alchemist must have wandered off the path of corridors Granger had shown him, but he had no idea when that had happened or how to get back.

"Crap, I have a class next hour too, so I can't be late." The blond muttered to himself as he paced back and forth the corridor. "I really need to get a map of this place after I get dry clothes."

Ed suddenly stopped his pacing and blinked. _Was there just a–_

He turned to look behind him at the blank wall, or rather, the _previously_ blank wall. Now there was a small, wooden door sitting innocently against the wall where the alchemist was sure there had been nothing before.

"What the hell…" The blond cautiously approached the door. He could see no sign that it was dangerous, but based on the fact that it had appeared out of nowhere (in addition to the fact that most things at Hogwarts could be _very_ dangerous when a person was not careful), he wasn't taking any chances.

Slowly, Ed edged forward, hand reaching out for the seemingly harmless door handle. With great care, he let his automail touch the handle, figuring that any curse or spell would be less likely to harm the prosthetic. Nothing happened.

Ed took a deep breath. He had never been one for much caution, so with a strong jerk, he pulled the door open. The alchemist instantly sprang back, trying to dodge any spells or other threats coming from the open portal. Nothing happened.

Cautiously, Ed peered around the door. He could see a small room that appeared to be for storage, with several shelves and a coat rack. The blond would have walked away had he not spotted a pile of fluffy towels sitting on one shelf. Ed looked around the corridor before stepping into the room and grabbing a towel.

"This is too convenient…" The alchemist muttered as he fingered the fabric. He looked down at his soaked clothing and back at the towels. "But nothing bad has happened so far, so why should I complain?"

Set in his path, Ed shut the door and stripped off his sodden layers until he was standing in only his boxers. With the towel, he made sure his automail was completely dry, and before long the alchemist was enjoying the dry warmth offered by the fresh towels he pulled around himself. Glancing over at the other shelves, Ed was surprised (though not as much as he might have once been) to see neat stacks of black, leather pants and tank tops almost exactly like the ones he had been wearing.

"Wait…" A few quick strides closed the gap between Ed and the coatrack, where he found a silver-lined, black jacket. He couldn't help but grin as he pulled on the dry clothes. "Now I just need to find my way back to my classroom."

Again, the room provided just what he needed: when Ed opened the door, he found himself standing only a corridor away from his rooms. He looked back at the storage closest, but it had disappeared.

"Well. That was strange."

* * *

a/n: Tune in next time for the full moon! When Ed decides to find out what his animagus form would be and discovers he is a wolf, how will the staff of Hogwarts react to having a faux werewolf in their midst? Will he tell them the truth or lead them on?...Just kidding. (Well, not about the full moon part)


	12. How to Discover a Chimera (Or Not)

a/n: Whoah, it's been a while, huh? I could hardly believe it when I realized that ASIA has been going on for over 3 months...and I haven't updated in weeks.

Thank you guys so much for supporting the story and reviewing. It is honestly one of my favorite things when someone reviews and asks a question, so...if one of you got a reply that was WAY over the top with the sheer amount of information, I wasn't angry or ranting or anything. I just got really excited to be able to tell more behind the story's reasoning.

Right, I almost forgot: Sobek-Ra King of Crocodiles has been very insightful in their reviews and pointed out something WAY back at the beginning of ASIA that I have finally gotten around to using. I would tell you guys what it is here, but...then that might spoil things. Thanks for suggesting aconite, Sobek!

Alright, so, this is going to make for a longer a/n, but do you guys remember my friend Blake (from all the way back in the a/n from Chapter 1)? He's in remission now, and things are looking up. We're planning a D&D season as I write this.

 _Well, this is boring._ = Thought  
"Hey, is there anyone out there?" = Talking in Amestrian  
Greed floated along in the white nothingness, not knowing where he was or why he was there. = Everything else

~o(0)o~ = Viewpoint change

~~~v~~~ = Time skip

* * *

 **Chapter 12: How to Discover a Chimera (Or Not)**

"Twenty points from Gryffindor. I would have thought after the last time that you two would have had the sense to dress appropriately." Ed scolded the twins. The redheads could clearly hear the sarcasm dripping from his tone, but to anyone who hadn't spent hours of time with the alchemist, it simply sounded like he was chewing them out. "Everyone get out your homework assignment."

The class groaned and the Gryffindors glared at the twins, but the two brothers only grinned. They had gone to two more lessons with the puzzling alchemist, and they had yet to be disappointed. As promised, they had talked about manipulation the first night, and last night, he had discussed the art of telling the truth in such a way that it would sound like a lie, along with the hallowed subject of sarcasm and banter–

"ACHOO!" The professor's head whipped forward as he sneezed, sending the sheet of homework he had been inspecting flying. "Ach, not again." He groaned in a stuffy voice. The blond picked up the homework and set it back on the owner's desk.

The twins glanced at each other. The alchemist had been trying to get over a cold all week, but it seemed to only be getting worse. He had been forced to end their private lesson early last night due to an extensive coughing fit. The brothers might have been more concerned if the professor wasn't brushing it of as nothing…and if they were certain that he really _was_ sick. If they had learned anything from their short time with him, it was that Professor Elric could hide the truth better than anyone they had ever met.

"What the heck is this supposed to be?" The twins looked up to see the young teacher looking over their shoulders at their homework.

"The assignment." They answered in unison.

The alchemist picked up George's sheet of parchment and waived it in front of them. "I asked for ten perfect circles– this is twenty _half_ circles."

"That's because I have the other halves on my sheet." Fred announced, handing Ed his parchment. "You never said the entire circle needed to be on the same piece of paper."

The professor put the two sheets together, completing the ten circles. He looked back at the twins suspiciously.

"Are you telling me you can each draw a perfect half circle and have the other one complete it?" They nodded. "Show me."

Grinning at each other, they took out their pencils and a clean sheet of parchment. They had spent several hours perfecting their circles, and it now showed in the ease with which they swiftly drew a circle together. They looked up to see their teacher's eyebrows shoot up into his messy, blond bangs.

"What about with your other hands?"

They switched to their right hands. This time, they were able to draw the circle even faster and with more confidence. Fred put his chin in the palm of one hand and grinned at their teacher.

"Sorry, Professor, but we were not left-handed."

The blond rolled his eyes at their shenanigans and began walking to the front of the classroom. "Alright. I see most of you were able to draw adequate circles, however, I would recommend that _everyone_ continue practicing." The professor's golden eyes were staring directly at the twins. The brothers could already picture how useful alchemy would be for pranks, and being able to create arrays quickly would certainly help. "You never know what kind of situation you will be in when you need to use alchemy, so your drawing will need to be capable of being fast and accurate."

"But we won't need to do alchemy in a hurry for class, will we?" A Hufflepuff asked.

"If you want to get a passing grade you will." The alchemist replied. "Fortunately, my concept of a passing grade is much different than my teacher's."

"And what did he think?" A Ravenclaw chimed in.

The twins noted that the professor had gotten a nostalgic look in his eyes. "Not _he_ :" Elric corrected. " _She._ And her idea of passing was still being alive by the end of the lesson."

A Slytherin snorted and looked doubtful. "It couldn't have been that bad."

"Yeah?" The alchemy teacher raised an eyebrow at the challenge. "She knew the importance of quick drawing, so she made my brother and I do it for an entire day–"

"I don't see how that would be so hard–" The Slytherin started again.

"–While she threw butcher knives at us the entire time." Elric continued. The entire class gaped at him. _What kind of insane person would ever do that–_

"I was what– Nine? Ten? And my brother was a year younger, so…Ah, it doesn't matter." The professor waived the thought away. "The point is: practice drawing circles, or I will have to… _creatively_ motivate you."

~~~v~~~

The twins thought their classmates seemed much more quiet and submissive after the professor's short revelation about his educational experience. Fred realized that the professor had never really talked about his past– not even in their private lessons. Elric carried himself in such a way that spoke of vast amounts of experience and confidence– things that can only be gained with time. It was hard to remember, then, that the blond was only a few years older than them. He acted nothing like the other kids his age, and, even though he was sarcastic and fun, Fred just couldn't picture him having ever been any younger. Professor Elric as a child was something that couldn't exist in his mind.

"–And since knowing the composition of what you want to make is so important," The alchemy teacher continued his lesson. "You will all need to memorize the Periodic Table of Elements." Elric flipped his chalkboard over to reveal that the other side displayed a large and complicated-looking chart of strange words and various numbers.

The blond gestured at a stack of papers waiting on his desk. "Luckily for all of you, I decided to be nice and write out the table for you. I expect a good portion of it to be memorized by next cla–ACHOO!"

The professor's head was rocketed forward by the force of the sneeze, narrowly missing the desk in front of him. Elric shook his head and opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by an escalating series of sneezes.

"Professor, I think you should go see Madam Pomfrey." A Ravenclaw suggested politely.

"No!" Elric managed in-between sneezes. "I'm not going–ACK!" This time, it was a drawn-out cough that interrupted him. " _Truth!_ " He cursed when he was done. "Everyone just grab a paper and leave *cough* class dismissed."

~o(0)o~

Ed did his best to hold in his coughing while his students shuffled out the door. Fortunately, he had no more classes scheduled that day, and he had made it clear last night that he wouldn't have anything for the Weasley twins until he could go a class period without sneezing his brains out.

 _I am_ _not_ _going to go to the school nurse over something as ridiculous as a cold._ Ed silently promised as he shuffled into his rooms for a drink of water. _And I am_ _never_ _going to ask Longbottom to help me without giving him specific instructions._

It was almost time for the evening meal, but Ed wasn't going to let everyone at Hogwarts see him sick if he could help it. He would ask the House Elves to bring something up for him to eat, and until then…

"Well, at least I have a chance to practice healing magic."

~o(0)o~

Lupin watched as Edward shuffled, coughing and sneezing, into his private rooms. He had been going to talk to the young teacher after Ed's class was done, but the teen didn't look like he wanted to have company at the moment. Remus was concerned; Edward had been getting more sick throughout the week, but he wasn't seeking Poppy's help. The DADA teacher hadn't gotten moon sickness as bad as that for many years, and yet the blond seemed determined to tough it out.

Everything was in order– neither Ed nor he had classes scheduled for the next day, the Wolfsbane potion was ready, and containment charms were already set around Lupin's rooms. All they could do now was wait until tomorrow's full moon and hope for the best. At the very least, Lupin wasn't going to allow Edward to suffer through the night alone.

"Remus?" Lupin had been turning to leave, but Edward's voice drew him back. "What are you doing here?"

The teen was looking curiously at the older teacher, a glass of water in his gloved hand. Lupin started to speak, but just as he opened his mouth, a group of students rounded the corner into the corridor. If he said something now about Edward's condition and it was overheard…Remus didn't want to think about what would happen to the young blond once letters from parents started showing up, much less if the Ministry got involved.

"I wanted to see how you were doing." Lupin compromised. "I heard from some of my students that you've been sick the past few days."

The alchemist blew out his breath defiantly, his blond bangs rising an inch before settling back down. "It's nothing I can't handle." He assured Remus. "I've gone through worse before."

 _No doubt._ Remus thought. _To be a lycanthrope at such a young age…_

"Oh! That reminds me." Edward perked up, setting his glass on a nearby desk. "There was something I needed to ask you about. Can you come in and shut the door?"

Wary of what was to come, the wizard did as instructed and followed Ed to the back of the classroom. The blond pointed at an empty spot on the floor.

"Can you see anything there?" He asked.

"Besides a stone floor? No."

The alchemist's face looked conflicted at that, as if half of him was disappointed while the other half was pleased. "Alright…" The teen said, clearly thinking. "Can you cast _Abscondeo_ on one of the desks?"

Still not sure what the blond was getting at, Remus did what he said. " _Abscondeo!"_

Instantly, the desk vanished– not gone, Lupin knew, simply hidden from view. He turned to Edward expectantly. "Is there a reason you need an invisible desk?"

The alchemist paced thoughtfully around where Lupin knew the desk sat outside the visible spectrum. " _Is_ it invisible?"

Lupin raised his eyebrow. "Yes?" _Was that a trick question?_

"Interesting…" Edward trailed off. He suddenly looked back up at Lupin. "Then it's not about the eyes." He said without explanation.

Remus took a step back. "What?"

"Our eyes." The alchemist replied. "Everyone here keeps making a big deal out of them, so I thought that maybe…" He was once again lost in thought, his right hand tapping out a simple rhythm on a nearby desk, making a surprisingly hollow sound for flesh on wood.

"Edward?"

"Call me Ed." The blond replied automatically, his eyes still staring into the distance. "I'll need to test…" He muttered to himself, turning and striding to one of his numerous chalkboards. Once there, he began writing down what looked like notes in horrible handwriting.

 _Wait, no– it's just in another language._ Remus corrected himself.

After a moment, Edward coughed loudly, the harsh sound echoing through the silent room. The blond turned to grab his glass of water and seemed surprised to see Lupin standing there.

"You're still here?"

His tone wasn't rude– just genuinely puzzled. Remus shook his head. "I'm just leaving. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Mhmm. Sure." Came the distracted reply. Ed was already back at the chalkboard, and Lupin realized the teen probably hadn't heard a word he said.

~o(0)o~

 _What's going to happen tonight?_ Ed thought as he jogged through the mist the next morning. He hadn't been _quite_ as distracted as he had led Lupin to believe. _Scratch that: what's happening at this school?_

The alchemist was going to have to write a report to Mustang soon, and to be honest, Ed wasn't sure what to tell him. This wasn't like the search for the Philosopher's Stone where every lead turned into a dead end: here there were so many leads that he hadn't even had a chance to see which ones lead nowhere.

Should he write about the unknown animagus that hadn't made an appearance for a while? What about everyone fussing over his eyes? Then there was his charge– the Potter kid– who, for being a living legend, hadn't done much in the way of 'legendary acts' so far. And what was up with the cloaking spell he had been testing? Not to mention the strange incident with two Hermione Grangers (He had checked with the staff that there was no one at Hogwarts who looked like her), or the advances he had made in his research on the scientific workings of magic…

"I could just make something up and it wouldn't come anywhere near the kind of crazy already happening." Ed chuckled as he sparred an invisible opponent at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Balancing on one foot as he slowly rotated through a form, the blond held back the sudden urge to sneeze.

"Damn cold weather…" _What is with this place? Seriously– at this time of year back home I would still be wearing a tank top!_ Really, it wasn't all that cold, and had it not been pre-dawn outside, the alchemist would have been enjoying the temperate weather. However, his attitude about the temperature at Hogwarts was not being helped by the fact that, despite his great strides into the world of medical magic, he had only slightly lessoned the amount of sneezing.

"Who's there?"

Ed pivoted at the unexpected voice, putting his foot down and his hands up in anticipation of danger. The deep, gruff voice had been familiar, so it was most likely a staff member, but it wouldn't hurt to be prepared.

As the blond watched, a large figure became visible through the thick mist. "I said who's– Oh, it's just you, 'fessor Elric."

Ed lowered his hands as he recognized Hagrid– the giant of a man that had been introduced to him at the entrance ceremony. The two of them hadn't talked or even seen much of each other since then.

"Hagrid." The blond nodded in greeting.

The big man tromped closer, and Ed could see that he carried a brace of ferrets in each hand. "What'er you do'in clear out here so early? Anything I can help you with?" Hagrid asked cheerfully.

"No. Just getting some exercise." The alchemist looked questioningly at the ferrets. "What are _you_ doing out here?"

"Feedin' the hippogriffs." A huge grin came over Hagrid's face at the mention of the magical creatures. "You wanna come see?"

~~~v~~~

"These are…magnificent." Ed whispered in awe as he gazed incredulously at the graceful forms of the hippogriffs as the magic creatures trotted across the clearing towards the two teachers.

Hagrid beamed at the alchemist's obvious wonder towards the beasts. "You wanna get closer to 'em?"

Ed nodded mutely, his eyes soaking in every detail of the creature's bodies. They were unlike anything he had ever seen– a perfect union of horse and eagle that should have been imppossible. The descriptions he had read of them had seemed fantastical and outlandish, but here, in person, their presence seemed completely natural. Their bodies boasted no deformities or scars, wings rustling happily as they walked elegantly with no sign of limping.

These were no chimeras– and if they were, the seamless matching of the two creatures must have been done by Truth itself. Ed found himself thinking that if only his chimera friends had been created this well– without the ceaseless pain and patchwork parts– then maybe…

"Go ahead and step on up then, Professor Elric." Hagrid broke the alchemist from his thoughts with a gesture towards the hippogriffs.

"Call me Ed." The teen replied automatically as he stepped towards one of the creatures covered with tawny feathers.

"All right then, Ed, you'll want to stand a respectful distance from 'im and give a slow bow." Hagrid instructed. "Oh! And make sure yah don't blink or break eye contact."

Ed looked at the creature in front of him, staring into the hippogriff's eyes with his own aurum orbs. There was intelligence there in the beast's eyes, along with a a great deal of pride. Slowly, Ed lowered himself into a bow, bending stiffly at the middle as he kept his gaze fixed in front of him.

Almost instantly, the hippogriff responded in kind, extending a clawed foreleg in front of it to allow for a graceful bow. Ed looked hesitantly at the Gamekeeper, wondering what was supposed to happen now.

"Huh." Hagrid looked stunned. "Never had it happen that quick before." The large man shook his head in amusement. "Alright then, go ahead and pet him, Ed. He's given ya permission to get close to 'im."

The alchemist took a wary step toward the creature, who still stared into his eyes. The hippogriff seemed just as interested in him as Ed did it. The blond started to reach out to touch the creature when he stopped.

"May I?" The bird beak nodded at Ed's request. Removing the glove from his left hand, the alchemist gently allowed his fingertips to brush the creature's feathered body. Running a hand across the hippogriff's shoulder, Ed could feel the smooth muscle and sculpted bones beneath the layers of hair and feathers, and it amazed him to think that such a creature as this actually existed.

"You wanna ride 'im?"

The teen jumped as Hagrid's voice suddenly came from directly behind him. A glance at the big man's face told Ed that the offer was genuine. The alchemist looked back at the strong, folded wings of the magical creature in front of him.

"I think–" Ed didn't know what he thought. Just then, the morning bell began chiming, saving the blond from having to complete his sentence. "I better be getting back, Hagrid."

Ed moved to step away, but hesitated, turning back to look up at the huge man. "Would it– Would it be alright if I came back sometime? To work with the hippogriffs, I mean." The teen added hurriedly. _Is there an end to the benefits my chimera research could gain from studying these magnificent creatures?_ He wondered excitedly.

Hagrid beamed once again. "Sure, Ed. We'd be glad to have yah!"

~~~v~~~

 _I have to do it. I've put this off for far too long already and I'll be in enough trouble as it is. And yet…_

Ed's pen quivered, hovering over the parchment below. He had done everything he could to stall– polish his automail, work on his research, transmute a pile of tissues– but now there was only this: his status report to Mustang.

 _Wait!_ The desperate corner of Ed's mind searched frantically for another out. _You still need to put away all of the books you bought from Flourish and Blott's!_

"Ha!" Ed slapped the pen happily back onto the desk and stood. As long as there was something to do he could ignore the tedious paperwork.

"Elric?" The alchemist could practically feel the disdain dripping from Snape's voice as Ed turned around to face the potions master. Severus had just walked through the door– or at least, Ed _hoped_ he had only now come in– and was staring with a deadpanned expression at the startled blond.

"I really need to start locking my doors." Ed muttered to himself. "Do you need something, Snape?"

The black-haired teacher held up a large goblet. "No, but I thought you might want this." He said as he came to stand in front of Ed's desk. "Tonight promises to be a long night."

 _…What?_ Ed looked down into the goblet. Inside swirled a grey-green liquid that gave off a hint of blue smoke. "What is this?"

"A potion that Dumbledore thought would help." Snape explained in a bored tone. "He said that he knows about your condition and that tonight might be difficult." The potions master gestured at the large window at the back of the classroom. Outside, cold rain pounded against the glass, the clouds obscuring the rising moon. The storm was already making the alchemist's ports ache and groan with each movement.

"My, 'condition'?" Ed repeated. He resisted the urge to tug his right sleeve down farther over his gloves. "Is my past the stuff of gossip now?" He glared at the other man. "I don't know where he found his information– he certainly didn't get it from me– and I don't appreciate being talked about behind my back."

The alchemist dipped a gloved finger into the smoking liquid and held it up to his eyes. "I'm supposed to drink this?"

"I was instructed not to leave until you have done so."

Ed glanced suspiciously at the teacher. "That's awfully persistent." Snape didn't say anything, so Ed turned his attention back to the potion. _Judging from its color and viscosity…_ The blond sniffed at the liquid, and his eyes grew wide. _Aconite! This is bad. Is it Snape trying to kill me, or Dumbledore? Why?_

Ed did his best to hide his surprise behind a series of fake coughs, all the while his mind was racing. He could refuse to drink the poison, but where would that leave him? He wouldn't be able to find out who was trying to get rid of him, and it certainly wouldn't help relations between Amestris and the wizarding community if an alchemist went rogue and skipped out on his assignment– especially if he accused the wizards of attempted murder. But he wasn't about to drink poison for a stupid mission!

"…Alright then." Ed clapped his hands together gently, trying to make the motion seem casual as he activated the first part if the transmutation. "I don't suppose I can grab anything from my office to make this taste better?" He gestured at the door to the right of them. The second Severus's eyes flicked to the door, the alchemist touched the goblet with one hand.

Faint, blue sparks danced across the surface of the liquid, disappearing the second before Snape's gaze found its way back to Ed. "No, I'm afraid adding anything would render this potion useless."

 _It already is._ Ed thought smugly. "Ah, it was worth asking." Determined to go on with the charade, he swiped up the goblet with one hand and drained it. The potion tasted absolutely horrid, but so long as it wasn't milk, Ed could suffer through the taste. A small cube of the separated, toxic substance waited at the bottom, and Ed slipped it into the palm of his hand when he pretended to wipe his mouth. "Happy?"

"You could say that." Snape replied. The blond thought it was strange that the man's expression hadn't changed– he must not have known about the poison. "Lupin will be taking his any minute now, so if you would follow me to his rooms…"

Ed froze. _Did he just say…_ "Dammit!"

The teen vaulted over his desk and ran for the door, casting aside the empty goblet. He heard Snape shout in surprise from behind him, but he ignored the other man, making it to the door and yanking it open. Ed dashed blindly through the corridors of the castle, desperately trying to remember the way to Lupin's room.

"Please don't be too late. Please don't be too late…" he knew he didn't have much time– if any. It was one thing to pretend to go along with whatever the wizards were planning, but it was entirely another to stand by while an innocent man drank poison.

 _There!_ He could see the DADA classroom door at the end of the hallway. His subconscious told him that Snape was still following him, but that didn't matter so long as he could reach that room before–

"REMUS!" Ed kicked open the door and charged into the room, eyes scanning frantically for any sign of the optimistic professor. All of the lights in the room had been put out, leaving only the faint glow from a window to illuminate the space. Desks filled the classroom, with one larger desk situated in front of the staircase that lead to the teacher's quarters. Ed could see no sign of–

"Uhng…" The faint moan reached the alchemist's ears, and in a heartbeat the blond was sprinting again– this time towards the teacher's desk.

"Remus–!" Ed skidded to a halt next to the desk when he saw the empty goblet lying discarded on the floor. Then he caught sight of the pale hand resting next to it, and his eyes unwillingly traced the appendage back to its owner. "…no….NO!"

Lupin lay in a trembling heap on the floor, his arms curled protectively around himself. Ed dropped to the man's side and tried to help him sit up, sliding his flesh arm under Remus's shoulders.

"Hey, you still here?"

Lupin's eyes cracked open, allowing the faintest bit of yellow irises to be seen. "E-edward?" A shudder passed through the older teacher's body, and he curled in on himself once more with a small groan.

The alchemist breathed a sigh of relief– he still had time. The only problem was that Ed had no way to separate the poison from Lupin's body without risking human transmutation, and there was no way in hell he was going to do that ever again.

Ed whirled around to face the doorway, knowing that the potions master was still waiting outside. "Severus!" He growled. "The antidote– now!"

The wizard frowned. "There is no antidote Elric– only the temporary fix I already gave you." He began closing the door to the room, an indifferent expression fixed on his features. "I will leave the both of you to it."

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Ed set Lupin on the ground and bounded towards the door. "Severus!"

Click.

SLAM! The blond hit the door a second too late, bouncing back harshly from the wooden portal. "Dammit!" He slapped his hands together and–

"Edward…stop." The alchemist looked back to see Lupin propped up on one elbow, his chest rapidly expanding and contracting as he took in short, fitful breaths. "It's…safer…" The older teacher continued. "…For the students…if we–"

Lupin was cut off as a sudden shudder ran through his body. Outside, the clouds were clearing; the rain fell softer as the twilight veil drifted away from the moon. Ed was about to come forward to help the him– to offer comfort or try to formulate a cure– when he realized that there was… _something_ happening to the sickly man.

Something far too familiar for the alchemist's comfort.

Limbs stretched, bones cracked, nails grew, and fur appeared where there was once no sign of hair– Lupin whimpering in pain all the while. It was slower and more painful than any such transformation the alchemist had ever witnessed, and Ed was able to view it all through the mocking grace of the full moon's light.

After a few minutes Lupin's pained sounds stopped, and the man– no, beast– no, chimera– no, _werewolf_ crouched on shaking legs, feral eyes darting around the classroom. The image of a young girl changed into a dog flashed through Ed's mind, but he immediately shoved it away.

"Remus…" Ed began cautiously, not sure how new creature before him would react to his presence. The wolf's eyes focused on the blond at the sound, a low growl beginning in the animal's throat. "Are you able to understand– Ack!"

The wolf lunged at the alchemist, forcing Ed to perform a diving roll into an aisle of desks. The teen had barely completed his roll and was still on the ground when the creature was flying at him again, claws outstretched. Ed braced his arms against the stone floor and used his legs to kick the wolf up and over him, taking advantage of his attack's momentum to carry him back onto his feet.

The alchemist held up his hands hesitantly as the werewolf crashed into a desk. He didn't want to fight the creature– if he had learned anything during his travels and research, it was that there was still a person under that fur and claws, an optimistic teacher named Remus Lupin. Ed had read that werewolves were unable to keep their sanity when transformed, but the blond suspected– one might say _hoped_ – that there was enough of Lupin left in there that he wouldn't have to injure him.

Sensing the teen's hesitation, the werewolf charged forward, canines leading. Unwilling and unable to transmute something in time, Ed threw up his right arm to block the wolf's attack. The sound of fangs meeting metal rang throughout the room as the wolf bit down on Ed's automail. Below his raised arm, the alchemist gave a grim smile at the futility of the creature's attack before using his other fist to knock the wolf loose with a heavy blow to its ribs. Metal screeched as the creature's claws raked down the blond's automail, tearing his sleeve into tatters.

This time, the wolf was slower in getting up from the pile of toppled desks, breathing heavily and looking warily at the alchemist.

"Remus." Ed tried again. "Remus, I know you are still there. Don't make me defend myself."

The low growl that had been growing stopped as the wolf tilted its head, its ears betraying the confusion it felt.

Ed, sensing he was getting through to some part of Lupin's humanity, lowered his hands out of their defensive position and stood open. Golden eyes pierced into the wolf's feral yellow, seeking out the person buried beneath the fur. "I know you can understand me."

The wolf shook its head as if trying to shoo away a fly, taking a step backwards from Ed as it did so. The conflicted body language gave the teen hope.

"Remus…"

The wolf lifted its head. Human eyes– Lupin's eyes– gazed up at Ed from out of the wolf's face.

* * *

a/n: Tune in next time to see Edward soothing a frantic Alphonse when the younger Elric brother has a nightmare about his animagus form being a dog. How will Ed comfort his brother? Surely he wouldn't succumb to Al's desire for a fluffy feline. Surely not...Just Kidding!


	13. How to Confront Idiots

a/n: Ack! Time flies when you have too many story ideas and not enough hands to write them. Many thanks to everyone who has taken the time to review, favorite, and follow this story. I especially appreciate everyone sticking around long enough to read this update.

Alright, several people have wondered about the second Hermione Ed saw on the way to the library, asking if it was Envy. I will give you guys a hint: what happens at the end of Prisoner of Azkaban? If that is not enough, Ed will eventually find out about it himself, and then everyone (as you guys) will know.

Oh, and shoutout to Amelia Loves Anime for recognizing the Princess Bride reference from ch.12.

 _Is that a ship on the horizon?_ = Thought  
"Hello? Hey, you in the captain's hat!" = Talking in Amestrian  
Greed was surprised when nearly twenty identical pirates turned around to face him, each fixing him with a clever-if-insane gaze. = Everything else

~o(0)o~ = Viewpoint change

~~~v~~~ = Time skip

* * *

 **Chapter 13: How to Confront Idiots**

Lupin took a steadying breath, his hand wrapped tightly around the door handle that would lead back into his classroom from his private chambers.

 _He knows. Edward knows._ The words kept repeating over and over inside the werewolf's head.

Remus had reverted back into human form only half an hour ago to a silent room and the weight of the alchemist's stare. Edward had seen–Edward who was _not_ a werewolf, and who had had _no_ reason to suspect Lupin of being one.

…and Remus had attacked him.

The teen hadn't said anything when Lupin had stood shakily from the ground on legs that were once again human, hadn't made so much as a sound the whole time it took the weary teacher to stumbled up the stairs and into his rooms for a change of clothes. However, the wizard had felt his stare, and though he hadn't dared glance anywhere near the blond, those golden eyes had bored into his mind as surely as if they were standing face to face.

Lupin looked at the door in front of him. Would Edward still be there? The protective enchantments around the room had gone down automatically the moment Remus had become human once more, so there was nothing keeping the alchemist there.

 _Will he ask questions?_ An empty room, the werewolf could handle– _had_ handled on many occasions–but the judging gaze of a person who had just seen the darkest part of himself? Lupin shuddered at the thought. Yes, he could handle the shunning, but to be rejected by the young blond after what had seemed like the beginnings of friendship was something the wizard wanted no part in.

 _He could be like_ _them_. A gentle voice whispered in the back of his mind, but Remus pushed it away hurriedly. There was little chance he would find another soul like those of James and Sirius–people who had been willing to stand beside him even after learning what he really was–and he was not going to allow himself to be broken over a foolish hope.

Remus shook himself out of his thoughts, gripping the door handle even tighter with new resolve. He would face the room beyond and carry whatever consequences might fall.

Before he could go back on his decision, Lupin opened the door and walked quickly down the steps to get to the main floor of the classroom. Daring to look up, the wizard's body sagged in relief when he realized that Edward wasn't in the room. _I should probably go clear things up with Dumbledore–_

A blond head of hair rose from behind a row of desk, followed by Ed's familiar crimson coat. There was a scuffling sound of wood on stone, and Lupin realized that the teen was righting one of the fallen desks. The alchemist hadn't noticed him yet–his back being turned–and Lupin watched, more than a little surprised, as the blond moved to pick up another discarded piece of furniture and return it to its place.

"What–what are you still doing here?"

The teen stiffened at the sound of Remus's voice, slowly turning to face the werewolf. The older teacher could feel those molten eyes on him again, but Lupin found his own gaze stubbornly fixed on Ed's feet, not wanting to see whatever lay in the other's eyes.

"What?" Edward's flat, emotionless tone made Remus shudder, still not daring to look up at the other's face. "Is there a reason I should leave?"

"I…" The words clawed at his throat as he forced them out, corroding his identity as they gave weight to the harsh opinions of the world. "I don't need false sympathy. No one wants to be in the same room as a monster." The sound of a desk clattering to the ground was the only warning the werewolf received before the blond was directly in front of him, making Lupin flinch away.

"Do you really think you're a monster?"

The werewolf chuckled darkly. "Can you deny that I am?" He turned away, locking his gaze on the windows where the grey, pre-dawn sky blended seamlessly with the mist of the grounds. "You don't need to pretend, Edward, I know what people think of me."

"Remus, look at me."

At _any_ other time with _any_ other person, Lupin wouldn't have hesitated, but at that moment…the wizard couldn't bring himself to face whatever he would find in Ed's eyes. He stood there, waiting for the sun, hoping that the blond would simply leave.

 _You don't really want him to leave_ , the small voice whispered again. _No,_ Remus answered, _but I know that he will, and I would rather it be done quickly_.

"Remus…" There was a frustrated growl from the teen, and Lupin was suddenly being tugged by his robes to stare into Edward's face.

The alchemist's gaze nearly broke him–twin lakes of burning gold, neither judging nor condemning, only holding a restrained fury at… _something_. It utterly entranced him, leaving Lupin completely unprepared for Ed's next words.

"You are an idiot." It was so blunt that Remus snapped out of the golden spell. "Do I look like I'm pretending?" The alchemist's jaw was set in a determined line as he jabbed a thumb towards his own chest. "Hell, do I seem like the type of person to put on an act for the sake of someone's feelings?"

Lupin's jaw dropped as he tried to stammer out a reply–that, no, Ed most certainly did _not_ seem like that type of person–but utterly failed to make a sound.

"You are not a monster, Remus." The golden eyes demanded that Lupin agree. "A monster would not worry about being a monster."

"How can you say that?" Lupin asked breathlessly, unable to make himself hope for Edward's understanding.

"I've met monsters, Remus. Most looked human, but the things they did…" And suddenly the alchemist's gaze seemed so very old. "No man could bring himself to do them. Not the way they did. Not without feeling." Edward wasn't looking at him anymore, though his eyes remained firmly locked with Lupin's own. "I asked one once– _accused_ would probably be more accurate–how he could commit such crimes, and do you know what he told me? He said he knew he was a monster–a _heretic_ –that he loved what he was and would watch the world burn to keep it that way."

Lupin didn't know what he was talking about, and it almost seemed as if the alchemist was talking to himself more than he was to Remus. The wizard shifted in the blond's iron grip, and Edward's eyes refocused on him at the movement.

" _That_ is a monster: not _you,_ Remus."

"But…I _attacked_ you." Lupin protested weakly. "I– oh merlin, I _attacked_ you." His eyes widened in horror as he realized what that could mean. The werewolf remembered what had happened that night– the brief fight followed by hours of avoided glances and silence– but the wolf's memories were still cloudy at best. He began patting the blond down, trying to find where claws or fangs would have pierced the younger teacher. "Are you hurt? I didn't think you were bitten but–"

"I'm fine, alright?" The alchemist released him with a huff and leaned up against a nearby desk, running a hand through his hair. It took Remus a second to realize that this was the first time he had seen the blond without gloves on. The hand pushing back Edward's bangs seemed perfectly normal, but the other was shoved into the pocket of his crimson coat, making it impossible to see it. With a start, Lupin remembered that he had bitten Ed on that arm, though…there had been something _wrong_ about it…something he couldn't quite remember.

"What about you arm?" He asked urgently.

"I already said I was fine." Ed brushed away his worry with his free hand. "Jeez, you're almost as bad as Al."

"Who's Al?" The soft glow of daybreak filtered through the windows as Lupin sat on the desk across from Ed.

"My brother: Alphonse." The teen answered, the hint of a fond smile tugging at the corner of his lips, the conversation having somehow become lighter without Remus realizing it. "People used to call him a monster as well–and before you ask; no he was not a werewolf."

Lupin hesitated before asking, not wanting to seem insensitive. "Was?"

The blond looked puzzled by Remus's tone, but after a moment his eyes widened in realization. Contrary to the reaction Lupin had feared (it seemed to be becoming a common thing for Edward to defy his expectations), the alchemist threw back his head and laughed.

"Ha! No, sorry for the confusion: Al is still _very_ much alive." The teen corrected. "We managed to fix his… _condition,_ which is why I referred to it in the past-tense. Speaking of which," Edward's golden eyes narrowed. "We need to settle the equivalent exchange from last night."

Lupin stiffened at the alchemist's calculating expression. _What is he going to ask?_ "Please don't tell anyone about me." He blurted before the blond could say anything.

"I–" Edward started and then stopped, looking confused. "Does the rest of the staff not know?"

"Well, yes, _they_ know." Lupin admitted. "But none of the students do, and I would prefer it stay that way." _I don't want them to look at me like that: fear and pity._

"Sure." Ed agreed easily. "If you do the same for me I will consider it equivalent."

Now it was Remus's turn to be confused. "But you are not a werewolf, are you?" A horrible thought crossed his mind. "Your arm!"

"Hey!" The alchemist protested as Lupin reached out to grab his limb.

Remus ignored him and snatched the crimson fabric in one hand, tugging it from the blond's pocket. "Let me see your–!"

Steel. Gleaming in the faint, morning light, the metal covered Edward's arm. _No–_ Remus corrected– _is_ _Edward's arm._ "What?"

The teen jerked his arm out of Lupin's grasp, rubbing it self-consciously with his flesh hand. "I thought you had already seen this last night." He said softly, almost apologetically.

"Last–" Remus remembered then: the way his fangs had latched onto Edward's arm, ripping away the fabric but nearly breaking against something hard–something metal. "Yes," He admitted, touching his jaw at the memory. He eyed the prosthetic. "I assume the rest of the staff is unaware?"

"Yeah. And like you said, I would like it to stay that way."

"Deal." Lupin said, for the first time meeting Ed's eyes voluntarily. He wanted to ask about the arm– how had he lost the original? Who made it? How did it work at Hogwarts?– but those golden eyes made it clear he would not get an answer, and after all the consideration Ed had given him, Lupin was too grateful to push the matter. "…Will you tell me someday?" He asked instead.

Ed raised one eyebrow, obviously having expected a barrage of questions. He gazed down at his steel hand, flexing it with more mobility and grace than the wizard would have thought possible. There wasn't the slightest hesitation or halt in the movement, and Remus realized that he would have never noticed the prosthetic if Elric hadn't removed his gloves. "Maybe." The teen said after some thought. "Though not any time soon."

"Right then." Lupin's head was still spinning with emotions and thoughts from their conversation, but he didn't have the time nor privilege to consider it just yet. "I had better inform Dumbledore and the others that you are not a werewolf."

Edward frowned. "About that." He pushed away from the desk and began pacing. "We have settled the equivalence of your attack, but what about the rest?"

"The rest?" Lupin asked, puzzled.

The alchemist crossed his arms. "I assume you helped make the arrangements for last night?" Lupin nodded. "Did you or any of the others take the _slightest_ bit of time to consider what would happen if I wasn't a werewolf?"

It was a rhetorical question, and Lupin felt his mouth go dry as he reflected on how _horribly_ the previous night could have gone.

"The aconite in the potion Severus gave me would have killed anyone else," Ed began ticking off the points on his fingers, "I was in the same room as a werewolf when he transformed, _and_ there were enchantments preventing me from escaping–much less communicating to someone the danger I was in. And worst of all," The blond stopped ticking off his fingers and placed his hands on his hips. "You hid your intensions from me."

Remus didn't know how to respond. Everything the alchemist had said was true. If it had been any other person, be it student or staff, they would have _at best_ needed a stay in the hospital wing and at worst– _No, it didn't happen, so don't think about it._

The werewolf straightened his shoulders, determined to find a way to make things right with the teen, who he could only hope would forgive him. "And what would you have me do?"

The reply was instant. "Let me help you." The aurum fire was back in Ed's eyes, and Lupin was taken aback by the blond's sudden change. "There has to be some way to reverse your condition, and being able to do research alongside an actual werewolf would be _so_ much more beneficial than anything I could find in books. Let me–"

"Why?" Remus interrupted before Ed could find his stride. "Why do you want to help me?" _This has to be some sort of messed-up dream,_ Lupin couldn't help but think. _There is no way someone would want to help a werewolf–much less one that attacked them less than a day ago_. "If this is some pity-driven charity because of what you saw last night, I don't want you to–"

SLAM! "Stop being so self-centered!"

Silence.

Ed pulled his metal fist out of the new crater in the desk. He sighed and glanced at the damage he had caused. "From what I have seen," The teen began. "you seem like a good man, Remus. Do I need another reason to help?" The rhetorical tone held the werewolf's mouth shut as he watched the alchemist turn away from him to gaze out the classroom windows, Ed's left hand coming up to rub his right shoulder as if it pained him. "Still, if it was only for you, I would be able to accept your refusal. If it was only _you_ who suffered like this, I might be able to overlook this opportunity to help."

The blond paused for the longest time, and Lupin suspected that the teen had drifted off in thought when Ed finally spoke again. "…But it's not just you." The alchemist spun around to face Remus, and the werewolf wasn't able to break himself from the hold of those golden eyes. "I have so many friends that need this research, so many people that just want a chance to go back to their normal lives. And what about the rest of the werewolves, Remus? If you refuse this, where is the justice for them?"

Ed stepped forward and Lupin's attempt to shuffle backwards was thwarted by the desk at his back. "Does this seem like some spur-of-the-moment change of heart? No, Remus, this is a debt I am trying to fulfill, and it is one I am not willing to let go unpaid."

The blond shut his mouth abruptly and took a step back, having unconsciously edged closer to Lupin during his tirade. Ed took a deep breath and spoke calmly this time as he looked the werewolf in the eyes. "I will ask you again: will you let me help you?"

" _Merlin_ , Edward." Lupin breathed out shakily, the hope he had been trying to extinguish flaring to life. "Yes!"

"Great!" The teen's mood flipped instantly. The alchemist clapped his hands together decisively. "Now all I need to do is yell some sense into the rest of the staff."

"And tell them that you are not a werewolf." Remus reminded.

Edward's smile faded. "Actually, why _did_ everyone think I was a werewolf?"

"Well, for one, your eyes are yellow," Lupin began, ignoring the blond's raised eyebrow. "And when we asked you about them, you said that you got them from both your father and a monster. From there, we just assumed that your father was a werewolf who had bitten you. Then Dumbledore contacted one of your co-workers to ask if you had any special conditions, and when the reply said 'yes', we went into action."

The alchemist blanched. "Did no one consider just _asking_ me?" He looked about to go on when his face froze. "Wait, did you just say that Mustang told you I was a werewolf?"

"Um, if he is your colleague, then yes? It never seemed the right time to broach the subject, so we asked him."

Ed rubbed his eyes in frustration. "Alright, I changed my mind. I'm not going to yell some sense into them: I think it would be much more satisfying to kick it." An evil smirk slipped onto the teen's lips. "And I won't want to be Mustang when Hawkeye gets wind of this."

"So…should I set up a meeting?" Remus broached.

"Sure," The alchemist pulled on a pair of his signature white gloves as he began walking towards the door. "Just don't tell them what it's about."

The door shut with a sense of finality behind the teen, and Remus was finally alone in the room.

"Well…" The teacher spoke to the silence. "That went better than expected."

~o(0)o~

"Fred, we have less than a minute before Filch turns into the corridor." George warned, shifting his grip on the Marauder's map in one hand as he tried to keep his brother balanced on his shoulders.

"I know, I know!" The other twin's voice echoed out from where his head was poked into the chest cavity of one of the larger suits of armor that dotted the Hogwarts hallway. "I just need a minute!"

"We don't have a minute!" George reminded him, his eyes following the ink dots steadily drawing closer.

"mmm…There!" Fred announced, sliding out of the armor and slinging his bag over one shoulder. "You can let me down now."

"Alright. Here: set your foot in my hand–"

"What'er you two doing?" Filch's voice shouted from down the corridor. "If you're planting another one o' your pranks I'll have yer heads!"

Fred practically fell from his twin's shoulders in his haste to get to the floor. "Run!" He commanded, as if his brother needed more prompting.

The duo sprinted down the hall, glancing nervously backwards to see the angry caretaker hot on their tails. Fred re-adjusted his bag.

"George, if we don't hide this…" He began between strides.

"I know." Came the reply. They were almost to the next corner. "But where?" They took the corner at a full sprint–

 _SMACK!_ The twins slammed into another person, sending the three of them toppling to the floor.

"Ack! What the Truth– _Weasleys_?" Professor Elric picked himself up and brushed off his jacket. The alchemist opened his mouth to say more, but Fred cut him off.

"No time, Professor!" He hastily grabbed his bag from where it had fallen. "Filch is right behind us, and we need a place to hide." The redheads began running again and were surprised to see the alchemist keeping pace with them.

"A place to hide…" The blond's eyes held a sudden spark. "I can help you out for a favor."

The boys took less than a second to consider the offer. "Please!"

"Alright." Elric stopped abruptly, forcing the twins to skid to a halt. "Close your eyes."

"What–?" George objected.

"Close. Now." The brothers obeyed, and they heard the sound of clapping. For a second there was nothing…

"AH!" THUD. The twins cried out as the ground disappeared beneath their feet, but their fall ended only moments later as they crashed onto another stone floor.

Cautiously, Fred opened one eye. Instead of the hallway, the trio were lying in an enclosed bubble of stone maybe a meter and a half tall and just big enough for the three of them to sit comfortably. Only a few paces away, Elric crouched, smirking at the duo.

"So." The professor leaned back on his heels, folding his arms over his knees. "What happened?"

"Nothing!" George said, clarifying when the blond looked doubtful. "At least, not _yet_."

The alchemist raised an eyebrow. "You two are running through the halls before anyone else is out of bed: is this something I should be concerned about?"

Both brothers shook their heads. "Just don't mention the words 'Snape', 'test', 'class', or any swearing if you walk through the halls on this floor."

"Right. And if anyone asks I'm sure you two had nothing to do with it?"

Fred shrugged. "When would we have time to set up a prank–"

"–When we were up early in the morning for a weekend lesson with Professor Elric?" George finished.

The blond seemed delighted. "Look at that: some people actually apply my lessons. _It's too bad the rest of the staff don't have the same common sense_." The last part was added in a low mumble that Fred wasn't sure was even in English. Choosing to ignore it for now, the twin gestured at their surroundings.

"Professor…" Fred began, letting his gaze sweep over the tiny room that he _knew_ was not on the Marauder's Map. "Where did this come from?"

"Ah, just a bit of alchemy." The young teacher waved at the ceiling with a gloved hand. "You won't have to worry about Filch discovering this place."

"But how did you draw a transmutation circle in such a short time?" George had to wonder, never mind the fact that the alchemist didn't appear to have any chalk on him.

"Practice." Before either of the brothers could ask more, Elric dodged to another topic with a pointed stare. "Anyway, you two now owe me a favor."

The twins glanced nervously at each other. From their brief time knowing the blond, they had seen how clever and devious he could be– much like a concentrated version of themselves if they were ever to truly become one person– and though they were sure the alchemist wouldn't go too far…

"What do you want?" Fred dared ask.

The teacher closed his eyes for a moment, obviously thinking over his options. When the eyes opened them again, the redheads shivered at their openly mischievous glinting gold. "I don't know yet. How about a rain check for now?" When the twins nodded cautiously, he grinned and began rifling through his pockets. "Alright! I suppose you'll be wanting passes to prove your innocence once the teachers get wind of your prank?"

"What prank?" George asked, lifting his eyes and cocking his head in false innocence as he and his brother accepted the slips of paper Elric handed them.

The blond grinned. "You know, I really couldn't say. Now: close your eyes."

For once, the duo did as they were told and listened blindly as the sounds of alchemical lightning filled the air and the ground bubbled and rose beneath them. By the time it was done and the professor allowed them to look again, they were once again standing in the corridor exactly as it was before– albeit no angry caretaker.

A step away, Elric rubbed wearily at his forehead, and for the first time that morning, Fred noticed the dark circles underneath the young man's eyes. "Professor, you look ruddy awful."

The alchemist snorted humorlessly. "I bet: I didn't sleep at all last night."

Fred and George exchanged glances. _We'll talk about that later._

"At least your cold's gone." George offered.

Elric froze, hand halfway to his face. The blond sniffed experimentally, then cleared his throat. "Huh." A look of confusion passed over the alchemist's features. "I think you're right."

Somewhere in the distance, the clocktower began tolling the morning bell, calling students to breakfast and startling the trio.

"I better get going." The professor said at the same time as the twins chorused, "We'd better head off!"

For the second time in as many minutes, Elric froze– this time a grin slowly forming on his face. "Actually, I think I just found the perfect use for my favor."

~o(0)o~

"Why was there a meeting called so early?"

The majority of the Hogwarts teachers were once again gathered in the staff room. Several waves of yawning had already swept through the chamber, most of the staff having been woken by the Headmaster's summons. Minerva scanned the faces of the teachers present, noticing that several were missing. A few of the more reclusive staff members–the most notable being professors Elric and Hagrid–had yet to arrive, but the transfiguration teacher found it slightly odd that Professor Lupin and Dumbledore himself had yet to appear.

"Is this an emergency, or is Dumbledore planning another 'Staff Bonding Session'?" Madam Pince asked sleepily, gazing around at the other teachers.

"Is there something wrong with my Staff Bonding Program?" The aged voice of the headmaster asked as Dumbledore stepped out of the room's fireplace in a flash of green flame to take the seat at the head of the table.

"Not at all, Headmaster." The librarian hurriedly assured the ancient wizard, though she hadn't… _enjoyed…_ per-say, being paired up with Professor Trelawney for the broomstick trust fall exercise. "If I may ask, what do you have planned for today?"

The headmaster laced his fingers in front of his white beard and smiled. "I haven't the faintest idea." He replied cheerfully. "I may have summoned you all, but I didn't call this meeting."

"Then who–?" Professor Sprout began, jumping as the staff door slammed open. Black leather boots clunked crossed the stone floor until their owner stood at the foot of the table, staring down at the Hogwarts staff with burning, golden eyes.

"I did." The room collectively gulped anxiously at the sight of Edward Elric's cold fury. "How many of you knew about last night?" Though calm, the alchemist's words were coated with oily deception that made Minerva shiver. She had known about the plans to contain Edward in Remus's quarters–had verbally approved of them at the time–but the alchemist's presence sewed doubt in what she had thought was wisdom. Golden eyes swept the room and seemed satisfied at the unanimous nodding. "Good. I wouldn't want to yell at the wrong people."

"Now, Edward," Dumbledore began, fingers unlacing as his arms gestured calmingly. "I assure you that we had the best intentions. For the sake of the students, we needed to be sure that someone with your condition could be kept in a safe environment."

"A 'safe environment'?" Elric repeated. "'My condition'?" At the headmaster's nod, the blond titled his head to the ceiling and barked out a short laugh. There was a long pause, the young professor's eyes focused on the ceiling even as his bitter smile faded.

 _Slam!_ The sturdy, oaken table cracked under the force of Elric's gloves as he glared at Dumbledore. "I WASN'T A WEREWOLF!"

A pit opened in Minerva's gut at the words, a horrible flurry of thoughts turning to white noise in her brain, drowning out the various gasps and exclamations from the rest of the staff. If Edward wasn't a werewolf…and they had locked him in a room with Remus for an _entire night_ … Numb, her gaze wandered to Severus, the potion master looking as if the air had been knocked out of him. McGonagall remembered the thinly-disguised eagerness Snape had shown in making arrangements for the assumed lycanthropes. At the time, she had thought it was his long-standing grudge driving him, but looking at his face now…

The image of a small, raven-haired Slytherin student shivering uncontrollably on his bed in the hospital wing, denying Pomfrey's ministrations in favor of clutching his knees even tighter to his chest as his eyes darted around the room, searching for the claws and fangs he had barely escaped flashed through Minerva's mind. For Severus to have subjected another child to the same experience, even unknowingly…

"Give me _one_ reason," Edward began, the molten gold of his eyes boring through the staff. "one _good_ reason why I shouldn't start punching people."

"Surely that's a little drastic, Edward–" Dumbledore tried to appease.

"Drastic? Oh, right, like drugging someone and locking them up with a werewolf without even taking the time to check if they were a lycanthrope themselves isn't drastic?"

Dumbledore seemed to shrink slightly in his seat even as he protested. "Now, Edward, we did check–"

"Don't you 'Now Edward' me, old man." The alchemist pointed a gloved finger at the ancient wizard. "Funny. You say you checked, and yet I don't remember a single instance where someone came and asked if I was a werewolf." The blond swept his hands around the room. "Well? Did any of you?"

Minerva glanced at her coworkers, watching as expressions of shock morphed into ones of shame. They had all taken Dumbledore's word that Elric was a werewolf, but if no one had even directly asked the boy about his condition…

"Edward…" McGonagall began, hesitating when the blond's piercing gaze landed on her. "You said that you weren't a werewolf…what about now?"

The room held its breath as the alchemy professor stepped back from the table and crossed his arms. "You wizards got it lucky–you would have killed anyone else with this half-baked death trap. Can you idiots even begin to imagine what would have happened if I had been a student?" A twisted smile–more akin to a sneer–tugged at Edward's features. "Unfortunately, instead of a dead teacher, you get a pissed-off Edward Elric. The _only_ reason I'm not going to use my diplomatic statice to report you is the fact that this was done to keep the students safe."

A few of the teachers appeared relieved, but Minerva noticed that most still looked unsettled at what had happened.

"Where is Remus?" Poppy was pale but her features were determined as she looked into Elric's eyes. "You may have spent the night in his rooms and came out unharmed, but you must tell us if he has been injured."

The alchemist's eyes were cold. "After last night, I don't believe I'm obligated to tell you people anything." Then the aurum softened just the slightest. "Lupin still in his rooms and completely unharmed. I didn't think he needed to be here after giving him the same lecture."

Edward uncrossed his arms and rolled his shoulders, letting out the tension of anger that had been building there for so long. For the first time that morning, Minerva was able to see a glimpse of the Edward Elric that had stayed awake all night with a werewolf: tired, wary, more extremely frustrated than angry, and above all else there was sorrow etched into the lines of the blond's face. The transfiguration teacher couldn't guess why or when such sadness had come to burden the young man, but she knew it ran deeper than the events of the previous night.

Keeping his eyes on the floor, the alchemist slid into the empty chair that had been placed for him at the foot of the table. "Leave."

No one argued the command, all the staff–even the headmaster–rose from their seats and made their way quietly to the exit. Minerva saw Severus hesitating by the door but didn't question him. She followed the silent procession of teachers down the corridor, far too occupied with her own thoughts to hear others voice them.

Would Edward be able to trust them after this?

~o(0)o~

Edward knew that Snape was still in the room. Even after the door had closed on the last teacher, the potions master stayed standing halfway between the alchemist and the exit. If the man was going to try to justify his actions, then Ed was having none of–

"I am sorry, Elric."

Ed's head snapped up from where he had been resting it against his palms. "What?"

Severus held Ed's gaze. "We–No, _I_ grossly misjudged you, and my actions cannot be excused." At the same time that the words were painful to say, Ed sensed that to the other man, it would have been just as painful to leave them unsaid. "I do not expect forgiveness, but I would have you know that I will not allow something like this to happen again." Black contended with gold for superiority. "Ever."

The head of Slytherin house left without another word, and after a moment, Ed did the same. He appreciated Severus's apology more than he would ever say, and thought that in the future he might like to speak more with the man. Today, however, was not one of forgiveness: today was made for revenge.

So Edward Elric strode through the hallways of Hogwarts, more content than he had expected to be after his confrontation with the staff, and made sure to avoid the Great Hall and what he knew would be a… _exciting_ …breakfast for the rest of the school.

~o(0)o~

"Lee!" The twins jerked open the curtains from around their friend's bed. Lee Jordan tried futilely to curl into his blankets even as the Weasley's tugged them away.

"Let me sleep…" The drowsy Gryffindor muttered his protest into his pillow, but Fred and George were having none of that.

"Up and at 'em!" The duo chorused they rolled Lee onto the floor. The cold stone of the Gryffindor boys' tower shocked him awake, though Lee wasn't happy about it. He glared up at the Weasley's grinning faces, their position on top of his bed making him crane his neck.

"What do you guys want so early in the morning?" He gestured vaguely at the window behind him. "The breakfast bell's only just rang and it's the bloody weekend for crying out loud!"

"That's no excuse to waste the day!" George chided happily.

"Think of everything we could do before, say, breakfast is even over!" Fred added.

Lee squinted suspiciously at the pair as he rose from the floor. "…alright, what do you two have planned that you need me for?"

" _Plans?"_ Fred placed a hand on his heart, his tone oozing with wounded pride as he shared a look with his twin. "Why would _we_ ever make plans for mischief at breakfast?"

Lee rolled his eyes, knowing that he would just have to wait until the brothers' theatrics ran their course. "Then who would?" He asked, a spark of curiosity flickering at the back of his sleep-fogged mind.

"We're glad you asked Lee!" Fred cried as the twins jumped down from the bed, each of them draping an arm over Lee's shoulders and leaning in so that their lips nearly touched his ears. The dorm grew quiet with the absence of the Weasley's shouting, though miraculously (perhaps magically) the other students remained asleep. "Our services have been commissioned by Professor Elric himself."

~o(0)o~

Dumbledore sat at his great desk, eyes scanning the letter he had received from the Amestrian Colonel.

" _However, as his superior, I would accept your offer in helping with the aftereffects of Edward's incident…"_ The headmaster read out loud. "But if Edward isn't a lycanthrope," He mused, one hand absentmindedly stroking his beard, "Then what exactly are the 'aftereffects' of what 'incident'?"

Fawkes cooed softly from his perch in the corner, though Albus was unsure at the sound's meaning, for the phoenix promptly began preening his feathers.

"Hmm…" Sending another letter to the Colonel asking for clarification might come across as suspicious, but Edward was likely too enraged at the moment to answer any personal questions. "Then it seems like we must watch and wait."

* * *

a/n: Stay tuned for Edward's first encounter with Dumbledore's Staff Bonding Sessions! How far will Ed be willing to go to beat his fellow staff-members when things become heated? One thing is for sure: automail has certain advantages...especially where human knots are concerned and arms can be detached.


	14. How to Get Revenge

a/n: Well...this is frankly ridiculous. This should have been updated much earlier, but I'm afraid I got caught up in a ton of responsibilities, new interests, and a horrible case of writers block. This actually would have gotten out sooner, but I ended up in the hospital, and for some reason hospital + writer = literally no motivation to do anything.

"What does this mean?" you might be asking. Let me tell you straight: this story will continue. I am re-working the plot a bit to fit with some new idea I have had over this one break, and because of this and competing story ideas, updates will not be fast (unless the block sudden goes away, at which time I will write like a madman).

I know a lot of you have been asking for an elaboration on the "just kidding" bits at the end of every chapter, so I am proud to present: Mixtape (*cough cough* shameless plug). Check out this newer fic (updates also irregular) if you want to see the craziness that results.

Thank you so much to all of you who have continued to follow and review this story!

 _What the hell is going on here?_ = Thought  
"Hey, um, can any of you tell me where I am?" = Talking in Amestrian  
"Don't you dare try to take our peanut!"= Normal talking  
Greed stared numbly as the pirate ship was suddenly carried away by a torrent of white crabs. = Everything else

~o(0)o~ = Viewpoint change

~~~v~~~ = Time skip

* * *

 **Chapter 14: How to Get Revenge**

"Alright, so if Lee gets into place in time–"

"–Then all we really need to worry about is the teachers." It had only taken a few minutes to lay out the plan to Lee, and now the twins were nearly to the Great Hall as they continued to flesh out the details.

"And since you have the–" The pair stopped as they walked through the open double doors of the hall, their eyes immediately drawn to the head table. The _empty_ head table. "…No way."

George was already unfolding the Marauder's Map, and soon they were scouring the parchment for the missing dots. "There!" Fred pointed his wand at the dense cluster of ink representing nearly every teacher at Hogwarts, all of them crammed into the space marked 'Teacher's Lounge.' The brothers glanced incredulously at the deserted head table and then back at the map.

"How the bloody hell did Elric manage that?" Oh, but it was a great day to be a Weasley twin: what other time would they find the Great Hall so vulnerable and unguarded?

"Hey, Fred."

"Yes, George?"

"I know what we're going to do today."

~o(0)o~

Ed locked his door and turned to face the empty classroom. The evidence of his encounter with Severus the previous night had been undisturbed: chairs toppled, desks pushed out of the way, and a battered goblet discarded in one corner. All the alchemist wanted was to fall into bed and sleep, but even with his eyelids threatening to close Ed knew the events of the previous night would keep him awake.

"Aah…At least it's the weekend." Sleep would come later, but he needed to at least get his room in order. His stumps twinged as trudged over to the corner and picked up the empty cup. A milky residue clung to the inside of the goblet, though the horrid smell had disappeared. _It was a miracle I managed to smell the poison last night with the way my nose was stuffed–_

Ed froze. He sniffed at the residue again and then rubbed at his nose experimentally. The alchemist's hand drifted to his chest, trying to remember the last time he had coughed. There was no way. Surely there was some other explanation…but if there wasn't… He needed to talk with Severus.

The alchemist made for the door only to stop a second later. "Well, it's probably best not to be seen around the castle right now." So he placed the goblet back down on his desk and dug around for some parchment. He needed to write to central to access all of the information on chimeras he could get his hands on. "Eh, I guess I finally have to write a report. At least the owl should bug Mustang."

With a smirk, Ed began composing his report, making sure to add as many off-handed jibes as possible.

~o(0)o~

It was not unusual for owls to come soaring through the windows of the Great Hall during breakfast; though perhaps that morning there were a few more birds than normal. It was also not unusual to see the candles floating around the hall so early in the day, seeing as the hall's ceiling was a stormy bank of darkened clouds. And of course it was not unusual in the slightest if there happened to be an absence of a few students; the simple fact that it was the weekend should have been enough to soothe any doubts.

What _was_ unusual was for the staff table at the front of the hall to be completely empty of teachers. It was also unusual for the candles to float so near to the tables, their flames flickering less than a yard above students' heads. It could additionally be noted that there were three Gryffindor tricksters conspicuously absent from breakfast, but that was hardly anyone's concern–especially when not _one_ , but _seven_ Howlers were dropped onto various house tables. And really, that was when the usual morning turned out to be _unusual_ after all.

"Can someone pass the jam?" Neville nodded his thanks to Hermione as she passed the bowl of raspberry jam over the barely conscious Ron's head, who hardly noticed the exchange as he mindlessly scooped a portion of scrambled eggs onto his plate.

"Um, are you alright, Ron?" Neville asked from across the table, looking at the red head in concern. An unintelligible grumble was the only reply, so Hermione took the liberty of explaining the situation.

" _Ronald_ here thought it would be a good idea to stay up in the common room playing wizarding chess and comparing quidditch statistics with Harry until 3:00 in the morning _despite_ my warning that I was going to make them get up early to catch up on their homework–" The Neville stared at the young witch as she came up for air before continuing, "–Because he was under the misguided assumption that I wasn't going to carry through with it." She finished, reaching to grab the abandoned bowl of scrambled eggs from Ron.

The was another grumble, so it seemed like Ron was following the conversation after all. _Or,_ Neville thought, _Maybe Ron was still going to eat those._

"G'Morning." Harry slumped onto the bench next to Neville and let his head fall onto the table with a soft _thunk_. "Nev'r let 'Mione put a spell on your alarm clock, Neville. Nev'r."

Hermione rolled her eyes, though Neville was the only one conscious enough to see it. "If you wanted time to sleep you should have already memorized the periodic table Professor Elric assigned." She chided.

Neville set down the knife he had been using to spread the jam over his toast. "Oh…" He knew he had forgotten something.

Hermione squinted suspiciously at him. "Don't tell me you aren't working on it either."

Neville rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, not exactly…" As Hermione opened her mouth to speak he hurriedly continued, "But that's because I've been focusing on the riddle he gave us."

Hermione huffed and went back to her eggs. "I'm not sure these two have been working on that either."

Owls began soaring into the hall as they ate, and Neville caught a muttered, "The eagles are coming…" from Harry, who had woken up enough to push a spoon aimlessly around a bowl of porridge.

Neville thought back to the riddle and the answer that had seemed just out of his reach ever since the professor had assigned it, "Have you had any luck with it, Hermione?"

 _Thwap_

Ron blinked and lifted his head, the scarlet letter sliding unceremoniously off his hair and onto his eggs. It took a second for recognition to kick in…and then Ron was wide awake. The Gryffindor opened his mouth to speak, but someone else beat him to it.

"Howler!"

Neville jerked around to look at the Ravenclaw table, searching for the student who had noticed Ron's letter. Instead, he saw Luna Lovegood pointing at the crimson notice held in one of her housemate's hands, an expression of curiosity filling her usually dreamy features.

Apparently, Ron and the Ravenclaw were not the only ones to receive the infamous red letters, as more cries of "Howler!" and groans of dismay began filtering through the air from all corners of the hall.

"What's going on–"

Black.

As one, all of the floating candles in the hall flickered out, and the enchanted ceiling turned to pitch. The light, which had previously been filtering pleasantly through the hall's windows, was abruptly choked off, leaving only darkness. Shocked silence filled the chamber as the students waited for something to happen. Neville froze in his seat, listening to Harry breathing next to him even as he strained his eyes to see something in the darkness. The Gryffindor could feel the tension in the air–all they needed now was some teacher to burst in shouting "troll in the dungeon" to spark mass panic.

"My dear students." Dumbledore's rumbling voice came as a complete surprise...especially when it came from right across the table. Neville heard Ron and Hermione gasp in surprise and felt the table jump. "What do you think you are doing?"

Scattered whispers floated through the darkness, snatches of conversation as students tried to figure out what was happening.

"Professor Dumbledore?" Hermione's voice asked from in front of Neville.

The headmaster continued as if he hadn't heard her, and at his voice, the whispers fell away. "The Hall is dark, the tables are set, and there are no professors to be found." In his mind, Neville could see the old wizard's eyes twinkling. "Why, in Merlin's name, are you simply sitting here? Especially when you could do THIS."

A wet splatter sounded from the other end of the hall, accompanied by a surprised shout. Suddenly, the hall brightened as the candles flickered back to life. Blinking the bright spots out of his eyes, Neville turned to see what had happened. Following the stares of his housemates, Neville spotted the Ravenclaw Head Girl standing at the end of her table...with the remains of a bowl of thick, grey porridge sliding down her face.

The hall was silent as the head girl looked mechanically between her ruined robes and the fallen bowl. Then, without ceremony, she picked up her own porridge and promptly threw it (with perfect aim, Neville noted) at Percy Weasley's face.

~o(0)o~

"Do we know when the next Badger raid is coming?"

"Waiting for confirmation from Crimson Lion."

"Movements confirmed! Party of six Badgers are moving west across the edges of no-wizards land with the intent to converge with a group of Snakes."

"Man the battlements!"

"I need more charmers on the east end! Scarlet Griffin needs cover!"

"Commander! Our stock of shepherd pies is running low: requesting permission to treatise with the Raven's for more!"

"Permission grant–INCOMING!"

It was as if a switch had been flipped. What had started as a simple food fight had evolved into a battlefield of bench barricades and table fortresses. Prefects and Head Students became majors and generals in a war of thrown food and jinxes. Houses banded together to raid each other, and whenever heads peeked out from behind overturned tables, a flurry of spells soon sent them ducking for cover. Up above, the candles flickered on and off randomly, creating a strobe effect over the entire hall as the howlers served as a background of cheers and jeers to the wizard forces.

The Great Hall was in a state of absolute chaos. Naturally, that was when the teachers finally showed up.

~o(0)o~

Stunned and more than a little confused. Minerva let her gaze sweep over the battleground that had only hours ago been the Great Hall, trying alongside her fellow teachers to make sense of what was happening.

Her first thought? Either Peeves or the Weasley twins…but neither entities of mischief could be spotted among the piled tables and flying spells. _Most likely the twins, then. Peeves would be cackling among the rafters by now_.

Minerva pulled her wand out of her robes but stopped before she cast anything. What would she cast? Even if she could get the students to stop, there would still be the incessant flickering from the candles, screaming howlers, and the malfunctioning enchanted ceiling to deal with.

She was about to put aside her doubts and start casting anyways when a shout echoed down the corridor, coming from the opposite direction the teachers themselves had just come. "Professors? What's going on in the Great Hall?"

 _Is that…_? The transfiguration teacher swiveled to face the newcomers, confirming her suspicions: standing there, wide-eyed and innocent, were the Weasley twins.

"Merlin's beard, George!" Fred strained his neck to see around the mass of staff members and get a peek at the riot. "Can you believe they did something like this without us?"

"I can't make sense of it either, Fred." George shook his head in disappointment. "Who said they could start a party without us?"

"But," Poppy began from Minerva's left, and the witch knew that the nurse had come to similar conclusions about the source of the chaos. "Surely you two knew that this–"

The twins' attention suddenly shifted onto the mediwitch, identical innocent grins planted on their faces. Something was wrong in those smiles, something sharp and dark– as if they were challenging Poppy from beneath their tight lips and white teeth. "I'm sorry, Professor," Fred began.

"But are you jumping to the conclusion that we had anything to do with this?" George finished.

"I–" Poppy spluttered.

"Of course there has probably been some misunderstanding." Fred offered, slinging an arm over his sibling's shoulder.

George picked up where his brother left off. "And if there was a misunderstanding, I'm sure she would ask questions first instead of simply assuming what happened."

The grins stretched wider as the boys spoke in unison, "Right, professors?"

Oh, and now Minerva could see what lay behind those smiles, the heated words of the staff meeting still ringing in her ears. She glanced back at the food-strewn hall and thought she understood. _But when did these two…?_

"And where have you two been all morning, if not here in the hall?" The transfiguration teacher asked cautiously.

If anything the twins looked delighted by the question as they proudly presented a signed slip of paper. "Why, we spent the morning with Professor Elric."

As if presenting the note had been their sole purpose in coming (And perhaps it was, McGonagall mused), the smiling brothers practically skipped down the hall back the way they had come, leaving the teachers to absorb the dilemma they were confronted with.

McGonagall turned back to face the battlefield again and sighed. "Tell the students to get back to their common rooms." She commanded her fellow teachers. "No punishments will be given today." The 'Not after this morning," was left unsaid. They had all expected some form of retribution from the alchemy professor, but none had thought he would go quite this far.

Minerva would have to keep an eye on Edward Elric.

~o(0)o~

Ed looked over his report one last time, and, finding no room left to squeeze in another insult, stuffed it inside its waiting envelope. A transmutation later, and his wand was out of it's ring form and in his hand.

" _Epoximise."_ The alchemist smirked as the envelope's edges magically sealed themselves closed– he wished he could see the Colonel's face as he tried to open the magically sealed letter. He went to grab the sealing wax out of his desk drawer (just to mess with Mustang further), but stopped when he heard a faint noise coming from the corridor. After a second, the alchemist recognized them as footsteps– two pairs, running towards his room. Having a pretty good idea of who it was, Ed slipped the envelope into his desk and transmuted his wand to back around his neck. A quick scan of the room left Ed confident he hadn't forgotten to stash away anything important, so he leaned back in his chair. He didn't have to wait long.

 _Slam!_

"Professor!" The doors to the alchemy classroom crashed open as Fred and George skipped into the room and skidded to a halt in front of the blond. Even though they were breathing heavily from their run all the way from the Great Hall, both brothers twitched with excitement.

"So?" Ed sat forward. Clearly, things had gone according to plan– maybe even better. "How did it go?"

"Oh, it was brilliant!"

"For a second we thought the howlers wouldn't arrive on time to kick things off–"

"–Or that our Dumbledore impersonation wouldn't be convincing–"

"–But Lee pulled through and got them sent from the owlry on time!"

"And the flickering candles were just right–"

"But blacking out the illusion on the ceiling was Lee's idea–"

Trying his best to follow the rapid onslaught of information and babbling, Ed caught something that wasn't quite right. The alchemist frowned and held up a gloved hand for them to stop. "Wait, back up: the illusion on the ceiling?"

The Weasleys nodded eagerly. "Not that we actually cancelled the enchantment," Fred admitted.

"But we placed another illusion on top to make it seem as if it had been tampered with." George said.

Ed looked between the two. "And…the ceiling of the Great Hall is normally under an illusion?"

Fred and George shared an incredulous glance and snorted. "Sorry, Professor, but do ceilings where you're from normally show the weather outside?"

Gears turning in his mind, Ed laughed back with false confidence. "Of course not. What else happened?" As the twins continued to ramble on, the alchemist tried to piece together what was happening. He could clearly picture the Great Hall in his mind, and an image of soaring stone arches climbing into the peaked ceiling came immediately to his thoughts. Ed had never seen any sign of an illusion there. Though…

First he couldn't perceive Lupin's invisibility enchantment, and now this?

"–and by then the Hufflepuffs had gone off the deep end with the cornucopia charms."

"You should have _seen_ the look on McGonagall's face when the teachers got there!"

The twins paused. "Professor, how did you manage to keep all of the teachers away from the Great Hall?" Fred wondered.

Ed shook himself out of his thoughts and rewound the conversation to find the question. Recalling the context– of not only the question but the answer– Ed felt his face fall into a slight frown. "I called a staff meeting."

"Just for the prank?" George asked, though his tone suggested he thought it unlikely.

The blond's eyes fell on the discarded goblet sitting on the edge of his desk. A prank? No, not by any sane person's terms, but it had led to some interesting conclusions. Now he knew something of the character of Hogwarts's staff, and they…well, after some help from the Weaselys they would know enough not to repeat their mistakes.

"No. Something else needed dealing with." Ed allowed his smile to come back and saw the brothers' shoulders relax, releasing the almost imperceptible tension they had held at the alchemist's more serious tone. "Though you two helped me prove an important point. What did they think about your alibi?"

"We're not sure why, but McGonagall and Madame Pomphrey looked like they had seen a ghost." Fred answered.

"And when we mentioned jumping to conclusions like you suggested, all of the teachers looked really uncomfortable." George leaned in, "What exactly happened in the meeting?"

Ed crossed his arms. From his experience with the brothers so far, he knew that it was unlikely that either would judge Remus– in fact, they might be willing to support him just as much as Ed was. In the end, however, it was Remus's life, and Ed had no right spilling secrets that did not belong to him. "They jumped to conclusions." The alchemist kept voice as neutral as possible. "I just made sure they wouldn't make the same mistake twice."

"And you don't think we'll get in trouble for breakfast?" Fred wondered.

The blond shook his head. "I have a feeling they'll let it slide this time. On the other hand," _Time to shift the conversation._ Ed stood and walked over to one of the chalk boards lining the walls. There, in white chalk, was still written the riddle from the first alchemy class. "You two _will_ be in trouble if you can't answer this by the end of the week."

"The week!" The pair chorused in shock. "You said we had a whole month!"

Ed wagged a gloved finger. "I think you'll find I gave everyone until the _end_ of the month– not a _whole_ month. September ends on Thursday."

The twins groaned. "But no one's managed to get it yet!" George complained.

"So?" Ed was secretly pleased–if slightly frustrated–that none of his students had come up with an answer. The frustrated portion was upset that, beside the twins, the Granger girl, and a few members of the blue house, his 'students' had shown no sign of figuring out the riddle. On the other hand, the pleased portion of himself was delighted at the idea of being able to kick out the majority of his lazier students.

"Hmph." The twins sagged dramatically and began making their way towards the door. "If you're so determined to crush our spirits, Professor, we'll just let ourselves out."

"Yeah, you do that." Ed called after them. "But when you're spirits are feeling less crushed how about you two come in for another lesson."

The brothers immediately straightened and turned excitedly back to the alchemist. "Really?" George asked.

"And what'll we work on this time?" Fred prompted.

Ed laughed. It was clear that the twins' spirits had miraculously recovered already. "Escaping." The blond thought back to his run-in with the pair before the meeting and made a mental note not to visit that corridor for the next few days. "You two need work if you can't even get away from an old man like Filch without my help."

The brothers excitedly promised not to miss it and filed out of the room with matching grins. The alchemist couldn't help but wonder how long those smiles would last once they realized that he wasn't going to show them a quick-fix magic trick. Oh no: he was going to run them into the ground to get them in shape. He couldn't have his most promising pupils training their minds while ignoring their bodies– Teacher would kill him if she ever heard he had let them off the hook for even this long!

The door shut behind the identical mischief makers, and Ed was left sitting in the empty classroom with more questions than he knew to ask about. He had done his best to distract the twins from his more serious concerns, but that didn't give him an excuse to avoid them.

The alchemist glanced out the window behind him. The warming rays of the rising sun pulled long shadows from the trees and cast them across the grounds. Despite the sun's efforts– or perhaps in _spite_ of them, knowing that it was completely within the realm of possibility in such a magical place– the chilling mists of the night still clung to the grass along the edge of the Forbidden forest. Hagrid was out there somewhere, probably tending to his hippogryphs or some other magical creature, and Ed wondered if perhaps Hagrid would know who the canine animagus was. The alchemist had been a _bit_ distracted during the staff meeting and had forgotten to ask.

 _Damn._ The sun taunted him with its cheerful glow. _Too early to call it a night._ Ed groaned and decided to take things one step at a time.

First? Head to the owlry to mail his report. Anything after that he would deal with later. He was too tired to think about disappearing colds and illusionary ceilings.

~o(0)o~

The office was quiet, the still night outside the windows completing the mood. Lupin could see Ed stealing glances at him from the corner of his eye as he glanced through his notes, but the wizard stubbornly ignored him. He had wondered why the alchemist had asked to work on his lesson plans in Remus's rooms, but now he saw that there was more to the request than Ed had let on. It had been a full day since the blond had spoken to him before now, and the weekend was nearly over. Was the younger man re-thinking his offer to help?

If Edward wanted to talk, he was not going to be the first to give in, so he pretended to be too absorbed in his own work to notice. He would not talk first. Nope. He wasn't saying anything until Ed was.

After several minutes of increasingly blatant stares, Lupin set down his papers with a huff. "Is something bothering you, Ed?"

The alchemist shrugged noncommittally, "Maybe. It depends."

Silence.

Patience already worn thin, Lupin was the first to give in, "Alright, what–"

"Is your name really Remus Lupin?" The blond interrupted.

The wizard blinked. "What? Of course it is."

"You never changed it?"

"No. Why–"

"So that's what your parents named you."

"...yes." Lupin had a sneaking suspicion where the conversation was headed. The delighted gleam in Ed's eyes did nothing to settle his doubt.

"Sorry if I'm being indelicate here, but... Remus Lupin? Remus Lupin as in Remus the wolf and Lupin a wolf? Wolf Wolf?"

Lupin groaned and tried unsuccessfully to bury himself back into his grading.

"Oh, sorry. You probably prefer Wolfie McWolf. Or maybe Professor Wolf Wolfer."

"Ed..."

"Wolf wolf wolf wolf wolf– oh Truth, you say that word enough times and it starts to stick in your mouth. I can hardly say it now. Wolf wulf woolf–"

"For the love of Merlin, would you stop saying my na–" Lupin froze, horror creeping onto his features.

Ed leaned forward, a smirk tugging at his lips. "What was that? It IS your name?" The alchemist let out a laugh and jumped up from his seat. Before Remus could make a sound, the blond had shoved his various papers and books into a bag and was halfway to the door. "Never fear, Remus–or should I say Wolf–I will include your true name on ALL of my research materials. Wouldn't want to list the wrong lycanthrope now would we? What if someone thought we were talking about Grey Wolf or Timber Wolf when it was really Wolf Wolf?"

The alchemist kept talking even as the door closed behind him, Lupin able to hear the faint sound solely through the virtue of his heightened senses. "I can't wait to see the look on Mustang's face when he gets a load of this."

...Apparently Edward had not been reconsidering his offer.

* * *

a/n: Tune in next time for when Ed gets fed up with the ever-shifting ways of the castle stairs and resorts to transmuting them in place. Eventually Dumbledore has to politely ask him to stop, and Ed agrees only to begin creating his own labyrinthine system of chutes, stairs, and secret passageways. When a group of students accidentally stumble into the maze and become lost, Ed must find them before it's too late!...Just kidding.


End file.
